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baektobaek) wrote2014-12-22 09:25 am
baektobaek) wrote2014-12-22 09:25 am
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2014: This Night Is Sparkling (Don't You Let It Go) 2/2 (for baekmebacon)
As soon as he enters his room, light shines off the sleek lid of his laptop, blinding his eyes and a heavy bag of guilt plunges in his stomach. All those untouched assignments. He's suddenly very glad for working ahead of deadlines. Baekhyun ducks from under his arm and drops on the bed with a satisfying moan. Kris' eyes shift between the bedding on the floor and his laptop on the table. One of the two things is glaring at him and the other is holding out arms of love. Then Baekhyun pats the spot next to him, and Kris ignores them both to let himself fall next to Baekhyun with a contended sigh. "Did you have fun today?" "No." Kris answers, voice muffled by the mattress beneath him. "I had fun," Baekhyun says, "I made a lot of friends too." "They aren't your friends." Kris turns his face to stare at Baekhyun's, "When you meet someone once, they are not your friends." "Then I met a lot of happiness. That place makes me really happy. What about you?" Baekhyun raises a small finger to softly touch the tip of Kris' nose. Kris scrunches his nose to shoo Baekhyun's digit away. "That place makes me really tired." Baekhyun laughs, "You're such a sloth! Everything makes you either tired, or angry. What makes you happy?" "Money," He answers without hesitance. "What about people?" Baekhyun's finger pokes his eye playfully. "People are annoying," "But you are a person too." Baekhyun tries to stick his finger up Kris' nose. The taller clamps Baekhyun's annoying hand under his large one to stop it from any further movements. "I'm not a person, I'm a robot." Baekhyun's eyes light up at the word, probably proud of himself for knowing such a thing. "What about Chanyeol?" Kris sighs, "There's something wrong with him." "No," Baekhyun slips his hand out from under Kris', "Nothing's wrong with him. But something is wrong with you," He places a pointed finger exactly over Kris' heart, "Here," Kris stares back at him, dumbfounded and offended. "Why is your heart so black?" Kris smiles thinly, "It's because there's a galaxy in there. A big black galaxy." He turns around to face away from Baekhyun. He can feel Baekhyun shift around from the way the bed moves. Then he hears a faint 'Thank you', just like yesterday. When Kris wakes up, he's lying properly on his bed, it's early morning, Baekhyun is absent, and Kris can hear a nursery rhyme being sung from somewhere inside the apartment. It's a beautiful sound to wake up to. He mentally tacks a new schedule in his brain, because he needs to rearrange everything if he's going to be leaving with Baekhyun every day until his hands are clean of the fairy. - The new schedule, as expected, is hectic. The time for working on projects dwindles down drastically in order to create an equilibrium for work, rest and fun. Fun? Where did that come from? He meant 'the amusement park'. This night Baekhyun takes no excuses and drags Kris with him on the children's ride. Kris feels the parents secondhand embarrassed for him. But he's too busy making sure the face mask (with broken grinning teeth) and his massive heart shaped sunglasses (that Baekhyun grabbed because there was a matching set) don't fall off to expose his face to anyone. The workers here are beginning to recognize Baekhyun as a regular customer, and today, when Kris walks in to make an announcement for a lost Baekhyun, the operator already knows what to announce, "What shoes was the kid wearing today, son?" "Come on, Kris," Baekhyun points to the rollercoaster, something he has yet to try, "I want to see how you look laughing." "How will that help you find Chen?" Kris eyes the long queue verily. "I think Chen can't find me because of you," Baekhyun jabs a finger at the taller male's chest, making him wince, "Your big black galaxy heart swallows everything in despair. Maybe if you were happier, he'd be able to see me shine." Kris thinks Baekhyun would shine even if he was surrounded by tens of thousands of miserable Kris clones. "I don't swallow things in despair," Kris mutters, eyeing the ridiculous glowing crocs. He decides to show Baekhyun that he's not really the king of gloom and doom, but actually very pleasant company. His heart squeezes itself, as if punishing him for even thinking of being such a thing. When they're seated in the Ferris wheel and the ride starts, Baekhyun stands up to start swaying the cabin. Kris instantly latches onto the sides, "What do you think you're doing?" Baekhyun only laughs back, "Isn't this fun?" "This is dangerous!" "Oh my God!" A voice screeches from below their cabin, "Someone is having sex above us!" Kris turns red down to his toes. "Oh God, Baekhyun, please stop!" "Oh my God!" The same voice screeches, "Someone is getting raped above us!" "Baekhyun, stop!" Baekhyun is laughing even when the ride is stopped and they're being pulled away for questioning by the managers. Kris is scandalized by how everyone treats Baekhyun as if he's the victim and Kris the molester. He's pretty sure his face says how innocent he is. But when you compare it to Baekhyun, there's really no competition. Kris just hopes he doesn't end up in jail. He's intimidated by the interrogators and they're intimidated by his eyebrows. He's not helping his case by thinking long and hard about his answers, as if contemplating a murder, when he's only really thinking of donating Baekhyun to an orphanage. - "I thought for sure I'd be home by now." Kris eyes snap open. The lights are off, the room is dark, his ankle muscles are sore and he really just wants to sleep until the sun comes up and Baekhyun is secretly singing. "I'm sure Chen will be there one of these days." Kris sleepily mumbles back. Baekhyun's head peeks from above him. Kris blinks the sleep from his eyes. He can tell Baekhyun is in a mood to talk. He doesn't know why it always has to be in bed. "I had fun today." He grins. "You have fun every day," Kris retorts, "My money makes sure of it." "Do you really like money more than you like people?" "I like sleep too." Baekhyun laughs, light and melodious. Everything unlike Chanyeol. He wishes Baekhyun had been his flat mate instead of Chanyeol. "I think Chen has forgotten me." Kris's drooping eyelids shoot dead any remaining fragments of drowsiness. "Why would you think that?" He asks, a bit more urgently than he intends. "I can't feel him." Kris can't see it clearly, but he knows Baekhyun just placed his hand over his heart, "I think he went back without me." "That's absurd." Kris replies, "You're his favourite, aren't you? Nobody forgets their favourites." There is a moment of silence. "What's your favourite memory from your childhood?" Baekhyun asks. "I don't know," Kris grumbles. "You forgot?" Baekhyun snickers, but it sounds forced, fake. "Ok then, when I graduated from high school." "Oh. Why is it your favourite?" Baekhyun's fingers reach down to poke Kris's collar bones. "Was it because you were really happy?" "Yes. Everybody's happy when they leave a hellhole." "Then why is your heart still grey? Shouldn't thinking about happy things make it a bit white?" Kris jerks away when Baekhyun's finger pushes against his nipple. "Don't do that." He warns. Baekhyun giggles. He pokes the other's shoulder blades. "You're such a strange person." "Go to sleep." Kris wiggles away from the other's touch until he's on the floor. Baekhyun complies with a barely heard, 'Thank you'. "You're welcome." Kris answers for the first time. He can't see it, but he feels Baekhyun's smile. It brightens up the air around him. - At the amusement park, they play with darts. Baekhyun's aim is awful. He tries hitting the bulls-eyes, but every little missile pins itself on the stall keeper instead of the board. Even when the man leaves the area, Baekhyun manages to jab his elbow in the man's nose before his missile impales itself in the keeper's shoe. 'Oops' doesn't remove the red that's rapidly creeping up the man's neck. Kris keeps his eyes alert for any prepubescent boy that might take an interest in Baekhyun. Unfortunately, a lot of people take an interest in the small male. He's befuddled at how he didn't notice it before. Children seem to be enthralled by him, for whatever reason (maybe it has something to do with how Baekhyun distributes candies and balloons among them, that Kris buys specifically for Baekhyun). Baekhyun only curiously looks back at who pinches his arm, or rear, or stuffs slips of paper in his pockets before turning his attention back to a wide-eyed Kris. "What's wrong?" Kris gapes at him. He schools his expression into neutrality before he takes out the paper stuffed in the fairy's hoodie and pockets, barely looking at the numbers scribbled there, discarding them right there on the floor. "Stay close," Kris orders, placing an arm around the smaller male's waist and leading them towards the Ferris wheel. Baekhyun had mentioned it being his favourite ride. 'It's not like flying, but it's close enough,' He had said, 'It's the highest we can go, right?' The thought gives Kris an idea. They leave the park amidst Baekhyun's protests, board a bus and after half an hour of a restless trip, end up in front of a lightened tower that stretches up to the sky. "This is the highest place, as far as I know." Kris says as he directs Baekhyun into the tower. They take the lift up, and Baekhyun curiously looks at all the couples around. "Maybe you can spot Chen flying on top of the city or something. I don't know." "Should we hold hands?" Baekhyun asks instead, voice a quiet whisper. "Not . . . necessarily," Kris mumbles, even as Baekhyun wraps both hands around Kris' elbow. Kris has an inkling Baekhyun doesn't like this place. Maybe it's the tight space? When they leave the lift, Baekhyun makes a beeline towards the glass walls, forgetting all about Kris. The taller only points a finger towards the door, and then the fairy is hurrying out and jumping onto the gallery. He looks back, laughing, eyes reducing to nothing but curved lines, as his hair is blown all over by the wind. Kris hopes Baekhyun doesn't somehow topple over the railing. "Why did you keep this from me?" Baekhyun shoves Kris, and Kris hopes he doesn't somehow topple over the railing. He creates a safe distance between them both, making sure they're still close enough for Kris to grab the younger incase he decides hanging off the side is fun too. "Look around for Chen." And Baekhyun does so, very unconventionally. He strains his vocal belts and calls out the male's name over and over, running around the perimeter until Kris steps in his path to stop him. Baekhyun laughs hysterically, tears brimming in the corner of his eyes as he gasps out 'Chen, Chen, Chen'. "You've gone mad!" Kris holds him upright. Baekhyun slumps against him, hands tightly clutching Kris' shirt at his waist, hair tousled and form breathless. He's still laughing as Kris guides him inside. "That was exhilarating!" Baekhyun mumbles, ignoring the looks thrown their way by other people. "You should try it too." "Let's go get something to eat," Kris suggests instead. The food here is different than at the amusement park. They have to meander around the food street and Baekhyun wants to put everything in his mouth. Kris notices that the fairy doesn't look as high as he usually does by this time of the night. He actually looks like he's been touched by exhaustion. Baekhyun's eyes flick up towards Kris' in a curious manner. "Am I shinning?" He asks cheekily before he bites his roasted meat off a stick. "I shine when I'm happy." "Too brightly," Not bright enough tonight, actually. When they go home, they run into Chanyeol as soon as the door opens. The male doesn't hide his face or race to his room as he usually does. In fact, he comes forward to cheerfully greet them both. "I'm Chanyeol, the roomie," He introduces himself to Baekhyun, then he wiggles his brows at Kris, murmuring a light, 'getting lucky, eh?' before he asks if anyone of them would like anything to drink. Kris gapes at him. Baekhyun turns around and slams into Kris' chest in his haste to leave. Kris steadies him by the shoulders and sees his eyes filling up with tears. "It's happening," He squeaks. He tries to get away from Kris, but Kris keeps a tight grip on his arms to keep him around. "Baekhyun?" Baekhyun takes in deep breaths, but its futile in calming him down. "Chen, oh Chen. Chen! Chen! Chen!" "I think he's having a panic attack," Chanyeol whispers harshly from his place. Kris shoots him a glare which has the male retreating into his room to give them privacy. "What's wrong?" Kris' brows furrow. Baekhyun is sobbing, tears streaking down his cheeks, face turning pink and his lips stretched wide to let out wails of misery. Kris is befuddled on why the fairy is crying as if someone killed his mother, his cat and amputated his leg. "It's happening," "What's happening?" "I'm never going back home!" "Baekhyun," Kris shakes him and tries to put some sense into him. Something in the back of his mind tells him he is always dumped because he is bad with human contact, especially consoling distressed people, and dealing with feelings in general. "Ten deep breaths alright. Listen to me, take a breath only when I say a number. One deep breath for every number," He instructs, "You do know numbers, right?" He receives frenzied nods. Baekhyun calms down by three, but they go on till five and stop when Baekhyun pouts. Kris guides Baekhyun around; having him clean his mouth with a mouthwash, asks him to change into one of Kris' old clothes for the night (a vest that hangs on him more than fitting him) and trousers they have to string tightly around his waist to keep them from slipping off. They retreat quietly to their beds afterwards, and Kris patiently waits for Baekhyun to start talking as he does every night. "Kris?" "Hm?" "Can I come down there?" "Um. Sure...?" Baekhyun slowly slips down and presses himself flat against Kris' side. Kris stays rock still, waiting, waiting, waiting... Baekhyun repositions himself to get comfortable, his breath ghosts on Kris' collar bones, even sneaks past the fabric of his clothes to make him shiver. He's still waiting, waiting, waiting ... "They told us, in Neverland, that if anyone gets lost, they are forgotten." "That's absurd." Kris replies. "I know," Baekhyun says strongly, "How can you forget someone that makes you so happy, you fly into the clouds? How can you forget someone who makes you so sad, Neverland brings in storms? Right? You can't forget things like these, right? We were only playing a game when I got separated from the group. They couldn't have forgotten me so suddenly, right?" "Right," Kris answers. "But, it's true," His voice falls into a low quiver, "You forgot Kris. You forgot what your happiest memory was." "It was just a memory, Baekhyun. A person is something entirely different. I don't think I'd ever forget a person who made me so happy, I'd reach the clouds." "Didn't that memory have people? Didn't these people make you so happy, you remembered them? You turned them into a memory. You tried to preserve them." Kris falters, "It's different." "People and memories are the same. If you lose sight of either, you can't remember them anymore. When you get lost, people forget you." He whispers. "No. When you get lost, people look for you." Kris stated. "And when they can't find you?" "They look harder." "I wonder if Chen's looking for me anymore." Baekhyun shifts again, "I'm tired." "Let's go to sleep." And Kris realizes, this is the first time Baekhyun has even said the word 'tired'. "Thank you." He can hear it clearly now that Baekhyun is lying right next to him. "You're welcome." - The next morning feels like any other day. Baekhyun is singing a nursery rhyme as Kris mentally checks his schedule for the day. But his priority is a confrontation with Chanyeol. Kris knocks and enters his flat-mate's room as he's finished changing. "Morning!" Chanyeol greets, "Whatever it was, it wasn't me." He quickly adds going by the look on Kris' face. "I wanted to ask about Baekhyun." "Hm?" Chanyeol's eyebrows quirk up. "Who?" "Baekhyun," Kris repeats, "A little fairy we had. The one who's wing you broke." "You're drunk." Chanyeol says straight-faced. "The world is ending isn't it? Oh no!" He suddenly clasps his face, "I haven't even confessed to Dara yet!" Kris smacks him. "I'm talking about him," He points out towards the kitchen, just as Baekhyun steps out with his too-loose clothes. "Who's the guy? I thought he was your one-night stand." Kris can tell in a heartbeat when Chanyeol lies, it's one of the benefits of being long time flat-mates. Unfortunately, Chanyeol is not acting. And if he is, he's going places with this level of skill. "You don't remember having movie nights, or baby talking or levitating in the kitchen with Baekhyun?" Chanyeol stares at him. Hard. "Kris, I'm concerned for you," He says somberly, "You need to start breathing fresh air." "When did you stop your drinking nights, huh?" "When I discovered the beauty that's pirated movies!" - Kris takes Baekhyun to an arcade he used to frequent during his early days in college. The annoying music and neon lights annoy Kris to no end, but Baekhyun seems taken by the place. They spend half the night learning games and Baekhyun letting other kids kick his ass. The other half is spent exploring the nearest food street, until Baekhyun announces his fatigue. Kris readily agrees, since his stamina was never good to begin with, but he feels it's been improving if ever so slightly. In contrast, Baekhyun has been losing his. Kris hopes he hasn't been swallowing Baekhyun's positive energy. When they lay down to sleep, and the lights go out, Baekhyun speaks up again. "If Chen forgets me, where will I go?" "No one has forgotten you. You're a hard person to forget. Even forcefully." "But Neverland makes you forget." "No one can make you forget." Kris responds, "Least of all make anyone forget someone like you. Didn't you say you shine the brightest? Sing the best?" "Can I come down?" Kris sighs, making space as Baekhyun quietly comes to rest against him. "Chen is looking for you. I know he is. We're going to go all over the city until we find him, or he finds us." "What if he can't? Neverland has always been my home." "Well then, we'll have to accommodate you here, somehow." "Thank you." - When Kris walks into the kitchen, Baekhyun is sitting on the counter nibbling on a slice of bread. The sunlight bathes him, and Kris isn't sure if his eyes betray him, but Baekhyun looks ... sad? Grey? Thin? He presses a hand against the other's forehead, but Baekhyun seems fine, normal even. "How are you feeling?" "Happy." He grins, before he looks out the window to see kids marching down the street in their school uniforms. "Well," Chanyeol grins, as he enters the kitchen, shooting Kris an exaggerated wink, "Looks like this one will be sticking around." He mutters as he leaves, "Does this mean I can bring people over?" "No." - Baekhyun wants to go to the amusement park. So they go to the amusement park. When Baekhyun climbs on the carousal, Kris takes a photo. This new 'discovery' excites Baekhyun. It's not long before the fairy takes his phone, learns the magic of the camera and starts abusing all the free memory. - The days pass in a blur of nothingness. The nights pass in a rush of lights, laughter and delight. The quieter parts of the nights pass in murmurs of broken hopes and comforting whispers. - This time, they're in the aquarium, fish swimming left, right, overhead. Baekhyun's face is plastered against the blue water tanks, eyes following the floating mass, when he speaks up. "What makes you happy?" Kris ponders on the question. "A lot of things, I guess." Baekhyun smiles. "You make me happy." "Oh?" Kris laughs, "My black heart makes you happy?" He asks amusedly. "But your heart is a galaxy isn't it? A galaxy has stars. It has a lot of brilliant white stars." "What makes a heart black, and what makes a heart white?" Kris asks as he steps up to Baekhyun, observing the lazy fish that has caught Baekhyun's attention for the past few minutes. "A heart that leaves others is black," Baekhyun replies, "and one that spreads happiness is white." "Sounds like bullshit." Kris says before he can stop himself. He looks aside to see Baekhyun's reaction, but the male is still smiling. "Your heart is peculiar, but it's beautiful," He says, "It used to be pitch black, but now there's so much white on it." Kris puts his hands in his pockets, unsure what to do with them. "Let's get something to eat." "Can we go home after that? I'm tired." "Of course." He raises his arm and waits for Baekhyun to fit himself against his chest, before putting it around the younger's shoulder and heading towards the cafeteria. Kris is pretty certain Baekhyun has lost weight. It's hard to see because he wears Kris' oversized clothes, but the way he fits against Kris at night feels slightly different. His bones couldn't be felt under his muscles once, but now Kris can see fingers too thin and wrist bones prominently jutting out where they once didn't. He's unsure what it means, because Baekhyun has actually increased his food intake. Baekhyun suddenly stumbles. "Watch your step." Kris helps him upright. The fairy blinks dazedly. He looks at his feet, then up ahead, and then at Kris before he frowns ever so slightly. "Ok," He responds before he reaches out for Kris, a small smile blooming on his face again and a murmured 'Thank you' passing his lips. - "You'll forget me when I leave." "That's easier said than done." Kris replies, shifting so that he pulls Baekhyun closer and to a more comfortable position to sleep. The fairy is cold to touch and he tries to figure out why. "You will. Chen forgot me." "I won't." "You forgot your own memories. How will you keep mine?" "I won't. You're you. I won't forget you. I won't." Baekhyun's cool nose touches his chin and he has a strong urge to squeeze Baekhyun so tight, that he moulds into him to take his warmth. "Neverland will make you forget." "Neverland can try, but there are two of us with those memories." He feels Baekhyun smiling. "Thank you, Kris." Despite how cool Baekhyun is to touch, his breath is still warm. - It's very obvious now. Something is wrong with Baekhyun. He weighs lighter. He gets tired easily. He bumps into walls and poles even if he's looking straight ahead. He starts spending more time asleep and tangled in sheets because the cold just won't seem to leave him. Something is wrong with Kris too. He enjoys Baekhyun's smiles and laughter. His heart swells up every time he knows he is the reason behind it. He looks forward to the nights so that Baekhyun will hold his hand and press his small frame perfectly against Kris so they can stay together as they explore the city. He waits for the lights to go out so that Baekhyun will ask him all sort of crap about happiness and hearts, only so that he can hear him speak. He longs. He waits. He wishes. He prays. Because now, Baekhyun's laughter is scarce. It tires him out, he says. He can't spend more than a few hours outside, it tires him out, he complains. He spends too much time in the bed, because he feels cold, he says. Kris decides to take him to the hospital, but Baekhyun refuses to be taken off the bed. There's nothing wrong with either of them, Kris decides. It's their hearts. Baekhyun's heart is giving up. And Kris' is only just blooming. - "Have you ever seen the sea?" "Neverland is all sea." Baekhyun responds as Kris helps him put on a cardigan. "Maybe Chen will be there? If Neverland is all water, maybe Chen is looking around our waters." "Chen isn't looking for me anymore." He smiles, and it still looks honest and bright, despite the circles that are starting to hang around Baekhyun's eyes. "You don't know that." "I do," He smiles wider, "He's forgotten me. Just as Chanyeol has, and just as you will." "Don't be ridiculous." "Kris," Baekhyun's small cold hands cup his jaw and tilt his face so that he's looking directly at Baekhyun, "I can't see you clearly anymore. My eyes..." He gulps. Kris feels a shudder pass through him. He places his hands on the other's shoulders, gently brushing them up until he's cupping Baekhyun's face, "Can you feel me, Baekhyun?" "Yes," "Then that's good enough." He presses his cheek against the fairy's, "Am I warm?" "Yes," "That's good enough," He pulls back to take a good look at the pale face, "You know, you still sing beautifully, and you still shine. When I'm surrounded by people, I only look for you, and I only think of you. You shine the brightest, Baekhyun." The smile drops from Baekhyun's face. He blinks rapidly but the tears build up. They gather and gather until he's pulling himself away and trying to clear them up as they keep pouring. "Why are you saying such things? It's unfair to me." "Baek-" A loud sobs wrecks through the smaller and he smacks Kris on the arm, "It's unfair!" He cries, "When you'll forget everything and I'll be the only one left to remember it all." "No. I won't-" "I'll get lost again, and then you'll never be able to see me, and you'll forget me like everyone." Kris tries to get a word in but Baekhyun has blown a fuse and starts on a rampage. "I wish- I wish I could forget everything too! I wish I could be the one to forget Chen and to forget you! Then it wouldn't hurt so much. Then it would be okay if I die." "What are you saying?" The fairy sobs, "Can't you see? People have forgotten me, and I'm dying because of it!" "That's not possible." It's only a broken heart. "Being forgotten is like being dead! It's worse than being dead, because you're alive but no one thinks of you. At least when you're dead, this thought doesn't bother you." He keeps clearing his cheeks of tears, but there are more quick to replace them. "I still remember everything! The first day, the first week and every moment until now." "It's a memory isn't it? Like your childhood memory?" Baekhyun asks bitterly, "Chen has forgotten me. Chanyeol doesn't remember, the people in the amusement park don't remember, in a few days, you won't either. I'm going to die. Neverland is going to end me." Kris wants to tell him, no. He wants to object. He wants to knock some sense into him. He wants to tell Baekhyun that even if the world pushes him aside, Kris would hold him close, just as he does every night. He would share his warmth, and he would share his sight, and his touch and his love, anything that Baekhyun needed to pull through. He wants to tell Baekhyun that even if Chen has left him, Kris wouldn't, because he couldn't. Baekhyun still shone bright, so blindingly bright even as he lost weight, his smile, his sight, his warmth, he was still shinning. To Kris. Every single day, and every night, as they came together, all Baekhyun did was shine. "You can see my heart right? It's so shriveled, and small, and still black. It can only take in so much. But Baekhyun, your heart is so big, it can accommodate the world. No one can ever forget a heart like that." "Chen did. I got lost and-" "Then Chen didn't see you properly. You deserve better than to just disappear. You don't deserve to be forgotten." Kris reaches out to put his arms firmly around the smaller, cocooning him in his warmth and love. "I won't let you." "I don't want to die like this." "You won't." - It's the local park this time. No flashy lights or loud music, no crowds or banter, only peace and tranquility. "I wish I were born human." Baekhyun says as he watches a group of children playing with a dog, "I've noticed I wished for a lot of things ever since I started dying." "You're not dying." Kris says, rolling his eyes. He passes Baekhyun the wrapped sandwich, "It's a local popular, I heard." Baekhyun quickly removes the paper cover and takes a bite, "It tastes," He pauses, "Like nothing." "It's a bad sandwich," Kris says, taking Baekhyun's and passing his own, "Try this one." Baekhyun pouts, "Even this one tastes like nothing." Kris takes a test bite. He can easily tell why it's so popular. "I was right." He says, tossing both food items in the bin, "They're bland and tasteless. Let's take a picture." When Kris goes away to get them something to drink, Baekhyun gets up to see the flowery bushes. He leans down, and takes a deep whiff of the rose. "Nothing." He goes to another bunch, and tries to detect it's smell, "Nothing." Another, "Nothing." Another, "Nothing." Back to the first one, "Nothing." - Kris used to spend most of his energies humoring Baekhyun. Now he spent most of them caring for him. It was only natural he would wake up without Baekhyun's cold, bony body pressed against him. He sits up, gently calling out for him but receives no response. All the lights are off, and he tries to rouse himself to full wakefulness when he hears the familiar clatter of metal bins and a surprised yelp. "Shit!" He bolts upright. Kris runs out blindly, barefoot and body exposed to the chill of the oncoming winter. It's still an ungodly hour to be awake, and he's internally screaming at Baekhyun on why he's outside. The smaller male has only just stood up when Kris barges out of the door. The fairy gasps, runs and slams into the building wall. Kris is quick to catch him before he hits the ground again. "What are you doing!" Baekhyun's arms fly haphazardly as he searches for an anchor, before settling firmly on Kris' chest. "Baekhyun?" The fairy doesn't respond, only looks back in guilt, and his eyes appear unfocused, not looking at the proper angle. "Baekhyun, can you see me?" His lips shrink into a thin line. "I could still see a little when I was going down the stairs." - Kris leans against the doorframe and watches the male softly snoozing in his bed, wrapped up in sheets. His hair is a mess on the pillow -like Kris' brain is at the moment- and his lips are a pale pink, just as his open eyes were a dull brown. Why did you go off like that? Kris had asked. It's better this way, Baekhyun had responded. No, it's not, Kris had said. I was afraid you'd forget me, he had started saying, but now I realize this might be the best thing after all, he had paused then, gripping his chest as if speaking so much brought him difficulty, before he bravely continued, I don't want you to think of me anymore, not after I'm gone. If you feel this pain that I do, then it's best if you do forget. I don't want anyone to be hurting because of me. It's a very bad feeling. And it's very sad, and lonely. I'm cold all the time. Kris had promised to take care of him. He had promised him a hundred other things too. And then Baekhyun had driven him up the wall with a simple, Neverland makes sure we're always happy. I want you to be happy too. Fuck Neverland, Kris remembered cursing. He said it a few good times as well, until the local security guard had sauntered over to see what the problem was. I'm very tired, Baekhyun had said and it effectively put a full stop on the conversation, just as it did on every other conversation. "You're not dying." Kris says, "You're not dying," He repeats, "Not when I just found you." - "You should call his parents," Chanyeol murmurs in Kris' ears as Baekhyun nibbles on an apple in the bedroom, "He doesn't look good at all." Kris sighs, "He won't let me take him to the hospital." Chanyeol purses his lips. "He looks really sick, Krease." "I know, goddamnit, I know!" He yells frustratingly as his fist connects with the wall. Chanyeol jumps away and Baekhyun curiously looks out, trying to figure out what the commotion is about. "Kris?" His voice is low, brittle. It can't go beyond a few more days. Kris hurries over to his side so that Baekhyun doesn't have to waste any more words or breaths over him. Chanyeol observes the two. He doesn't think he'll ever forget the sight of the youth smiling at some words he whispers to Kris, fingers touching the taller male's chin, and Kris himself crying silently, nodding and stroking the other's cheeks. He can see a lot of photos tacked on the board above Kris' study desk, but he's not sure whose they are. Kris only really had his schedules and notes pinned there. Now it's filled with prints of a person -in some cases; two- in a lot of dark places with bright lighting. - It's past noon and Baekhyun still hasn't woken up. Kris lays with him in bed, an arm wrapped around the other. Baekhyun is still breathing, so he's still here. But he's so cold to touch. When the fairy wakes up, he wants to see the stars. They both ignore the fact that his eyes unseeing now. "I'll show you the north one. The one that takes us to Neverland." "That would be great." Kris replies. Then he carries Baekhyun to the kitchen, because he complains about being tired of sleeping all day. Baekhyun eats chocolate, 'It's tasteless,' He comments when Chanyeol says it's his favourite brand. When night falls, Kris warps him around in layers of clothing before carrying him up to the rooftop. Baekhyun wants to be let down and then he gazes into the sky. For a moment, Kris is fooled into believing Baekhyun can still see. The lights and stars reflect in his eyes, and Baekhyun still shines. Even in the hands of death. "I wish I could see, so I could really show you." "What I'm seeing is exactly what you're seeing," Kris replies, "It's nothing but black. There's not a speck in the sky." "Oh," Baekhyun inches closer to Kris, "That's too bad." When they head back down, Baekhyun insists on using the stairs himself. Chanyeol meets them in the corridor. "Hey, new neighbour?" He asks curiously as peers at Baekhyun, "I'm Chanyeol, his roomie." He points at Kris. Kris stiffens up. Baekhyun smiles back, "I'm Baekhyun. It's nice to meet you." "He's staying over." Kris says as he steps into their apartment. "Someone's getting luc-" "No, Chanyeol, no. No one is getting lucky." Kris says harshly. - He always imagines Baekhyun's lips to be soft and warm, if they ever press against him. Even though he touches Baekhyun every day, and the male is so cold to touch it sends shivers tingling through Kris' body, he still imagines Baekhyun's lips to be warm. But they are cold. They are cold when they press softly against Kris' own just as he's about to doze off. Even when Kris kisses him back, they are cold. Kris touches him, but everything is still cold. He takes off his shirt, takes off Baekhyun's and presses them together, tight, close. But everything is still fucking cold. He trails kisses down his neck and abdomen, and he hopes and prays Baekhyun feels warm as Kris treats him so. But ... Baekhyun is cold. And this fucking cold is killing him, and it's killing Baekhyun. You're so warm, Kris, Baekhyun whispers sometime between being kissed breathless. Breaths are already hard to catch, but he thinks it's pleasant to leave in the heat of passion than in the thought of loneliness. Your heart is so white, Kris, he commends. Kris eats away his smile until he moans softly. Kris' hands are large, comforting, safe and most of all, alive. They're brimming with life. Heat. Love. Baekhyun has reached his very last strand. He knows it. He gasps when Kris' mouth travels downward and does things Baekhyun's never ever imagined. He makes him feels things, both inside and out, that Baekhyun never thought existed. Baekhyun is gasping, moaning, whimpering and crying at the same time. He wishes he could see Kris' face. He cries because he's so happy, and he cries because he's so sad, and he's breaking into a hundred million pieces for both reasons. - Keep me and remember me for all the happy things. There's no time to be sad, and there should be no room for sadness. Remember all the times we laughed and smiled. And don't forget how much I shone, ok? I am the brightest after all, so that shouldn't be a problem. Don't forget my beautiful voice either. It was my pride. I wish I could sing you one more song. My favourite one, about how the sun makes the flowers happy. Speaking of which, you should go out more Kris, and discover more places. We discovered so many together. Maybe you can find some things we missed out when we were together, because we were together. I had so much fun with you. Try not to forget me, but it's alright if you do. I won't be mad. I'll never forget you though. I think it's enough if even one of us is still able to remember all of this. In a way, it's better if it's me. I'll leave with so many happy thoughts. And you should live on with many happy thoughts. I think if you remember me, it'll only be painful, won't it? I should know. Don't forget that there was a person who shone really bright, ok? An annoying person who shone and laughed a lot. All spoken in broken fragments. Kris remembers the words without the wheezing, coughing and gasps for breaths. There's too much love to give and just not enough time left. - Baekhyun lays and does nothing else. His eyes remain open for a few minutes and then stay close for the coming hours. They open for a few minutes and then close again for the remainder of the day. His words are gone. His whispers are mute. His breathing is agonizingly slow, and every time he inhales, Kris fears there would be no exhale next. When he exhales, Kris fears there would be no inhale next. He waits with bated breath until the faint movement of the blankets assure him the other is still alive. He's not sure if his mind is playing tricks on him or if Baekhyun's being is becoming so weak, he's actually faintly starting to see through him. - Kris goes to sleep with Baekhyun's barely detectable breaths ghosting his collar bones, and he wakes up with nothing but clothes in his arms. Instinct tells him to check the kitchen -he does- but Baekhyun isn't there. He checks the bathroom, goes out into the corridor and out of the building too. The dustbins are all lined up. Nobody has clumsily stumbled into them. He goes back into the apartment and lays back down on the bed, gathering the clothes and pushing his nose into the shirt. Mint, citrus, and something distinctly flowery. Baekhyun. He gets up again to look in the kitchen. "I'll be spending the night over at Jongin's," Chanyeol informs just as he steps out of his room, "We're going to get together for a group study, but we're really just going to run a marathon of action flicks." "Have you seen Baekhyun?" Kris peeks inside the bathroom. "Who?" "Baekhyun." Kris repeats, as he turns his attention to Chanyeol. "Uh... Who's he again?" "The guy I got lucky with, my boyfriend, roommate, I don't know. Do you remember the guy who's been sleeping here with us for the past month?" Chanyeol raises his brows, "There's been someone here the whole month? I don't know man. I haven't seen anyone. Have they been sneaking in?" "You brought soup for him last night!" Chanyeol scratches his head. "I didn't go anywhere last night." Kris growls frustratingly before he marches into his room. The photos are all there, pinned to the soft board above his study table. Baekhyun's all there, smiling, laughing, shinning. Kris grabs the side of the board and pulls it off the wall, throwing it across the room. The papers and pictures, those taped so delicately, go scattering everywhere as the board collides against the wall. He hadn't meant to do that. He wanted to gather them all together to keep them safe. Kris collects the clothes on the bed, and throws them out the window -they land on top of the line of bins below. He doesn't know what possesses him to flip over the mattress. He doesn't know what provokes him into pulling his study desk off the nails in the wall and throwing it wherever he pleases. He's not sure why he's pulling out all the things Baekhyun brought from different places, before he's throwing them around and screaming at them to break. He's angry. He knows he's demonically angry. He can also hear Chanyeol shouting, but it's not like he gives a shit. He marches into the kitchen, sees red when he sees the tissue box and proceeds to fling it out the window. Sees the loaf of bread, gets a flash of a small mouth nibbling on bread, and then throws the item out of the kitchen. He kicks the dust bin, punches the wall, and struggles against Chanyeol to be free and do something so his knuckles break and bleed. A scale brought to measure his rage would explode. When he's exhausted himself, half the apartment is a mess. His room is a disaster zone, and Chanyeol has a bleeding nose and lip. He still manages to give a thumbs up to Kris as he's stuffing his nose with cotton pads when Kris shoots him a concerned look. "I'm ok, man. Just take care of yourself." He couldn't have asked for a better or worse roommate. - It's been two days and he still thinks of Baekhyun. He wonders where he is. If there's a Heaven or a place where all living things go when they leave the Earth. He hopes there is. He wants to see Baekhyun again. This lifetime was not enough. Their meeting was too short. Everything went in fast forward and then ended too abruptly. He sees Baekhyun when he looks out the window, he sees him when he walks into the kitchen or steps onto the roof. He sees him as a silhouette when he goes to sleep and he hears him as he wakes up. There are small instances when Baekhyun is so vivid, Kris forgets that he's no longer present. Every time he hears Baekhyun singing, he forgets they're not together any more. At night, when he closes his eyes, he hears Baekhyun asking him questions, but when he replies, the magic breaks and Baekhyun is gone and he's alone again. His room, the whole goddamn apartment is so tight, and lonely. He doesn't know how he managed to stay cooped up in it for hours, days on end. Four days later he goes to the amusement park and he hears Baekhyun's laughter all around him. He feels Baekhyun's touches when he stands in a queue, and he sees Baekhyun's smile on every child's face. It's too much. He breaks down on the Ferris wheel, and even then he hears Baekhyun telling him how his heart is so white. "And you shine so much," He tells him back. But Baekhyun isn't really there. It's just a grieving man surrounded by his memories. - One week later, there's a gaping hole in his chest and he doesn't know why. It's like he's missing something from the inside. He visits a doctor, just in case, because he can't sleep at night and every morning a feeling of anxiety makes him walk in the small space between the kitchen and his room for almost an hour. He can't figure himself out. It feels like he's waiting for something, but nothing ever really happens. Chanyeol takes him out to a treat because he thinks Kris has been down in the drains for way too long. Kris' 'Thank you' has his flat mate choking on his food. "Yea, no problem. Yea," He eyes Kris verily, waiting for some other words to come pouring out his lips. None do. Instead of heading home, they walk around. Kris feels it strongly than ever, the feeling of a vacuum. Something just at the back of his mind but not quite there, because the more he reaches for it, the more it seems to retreat. He messes his hair frustratingly. A small family passes by them, one of their two kids is singing a nursery rhyme and it freezes Kris in his steps. He stops to watch them, waits until the child has stopped and is demanding for a hot treat on the cold evening. Chanyeol nudges him. "Everything alright?" "Hm? Oh yea," Kris resumes the walk. There's an itch, something scraping his skull about that child. He wonders where he's seen him before. Or maybe it was his parents. Maybe the song was from his primary days? He's not sure. But something is there and it bothers him all the way back. - "What will make you really happy?" Chanyeol asks one day as they're preparing lunch in the kitchen. Kris shrugs his shoulders. "Something that could fill this big sad fucking gap inside me. I don't know. I think figuring out what's wrong with me would give me immense happiness." He's started runs at night as suggested by a doctor, though the man had told him early morning, Kris was more drawn by the night. Too boxed in, the doctor had thought might be the reason for what Kris was feeling, an escape from technology is needed. It hadn't helped so far. "What about you?" Chanyeol smiles widely, "When Dara agrees to sleep with me." "You only asked me that so you could tell me that, didn't you?" "Yeap." Chanyeol laughs, and the heart shaped sunglasses he's wearing on his head tip down. "What's with those plastic glasses? Were they prescribed to you?" Kris raises a brow. "Found them in your room," Chanyeol grins, "A matching pair. I thought you got one for me. Couple's items you know," He gives his brow a suggestive wiggle before laughing loudly at Kris' expression. Kris makes a mental to do a thorough cleanup of his room within the week. He found a lot of trash in his room the previous day as he was rummaging through his closet; a bulk of blank photo cards, a printed list of places to visit in the city and a massive collection of ticket stubs, among other things like arcade coins, little toy trinkets and food brochures. God only knows where Chanyeol dug out these hideous glasses from. - epilogue - It's his birthday and he can't believe he let Chanyeol talk him into going to a club. He doesn't know ninety nine percent of the people gathered here for him. Oh wait, he knows only Chanyeol. The others he only knows by name as Chanyeol regularly brings them up. The cake is brought out amidst drunken cheers, and even drunker and uncoordinated birthday singing before another cheer is thrown out, champagne bottles popped open and sprayed everywhere. Kris is partially drenched in alcohol and partialy caked in frosting -none of which went into his mouth and all of which went on his face and in his hair. After cleaning up in the men's room, he heads towards the bar and decides to get shit drunk for the night as well. It's his birthday bash and Chanyeol is paying. His eyes instantly zero in on a short male with a lean frame, wearing a black jacket, copious amounts of eye liner and skinny jeans. He has slender fingers that hold his shot glass loosely as he stares at the dance floor and mouths the words to the track that's playing. He looks up. Their gazes lock. Kris quickly looks away, orders his drink and discreetly glances back at the male in skinny jeans. But he's gone. "Wanna buy me a drink?" Kris nearly falls off the stool at the voice that comes from right beside him. He whips around to see the skinny jeans guy getting comfortable in the stool beside him. There's a tease, a lilt, a playfulness in his voice that reminds Kris of someone. There's also a familiarity in the tug of his lips and the twinkle in his eyes. But not really. He can't put his finger on it, can't exactly pin point it. Where has he seen it before? Perhaps a TV show, or maybe some annoying person from his class? Or maybe the voice resembles his favourite song somewhat (What's his favourite song again?). Everything about this person is familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. It makes Kris vary -why can't he remember- and it makes him excited -for whatever godforsaken reason that he can't understand. Probably never will for the life of him. "You look like a newbie around here." "I am." He swallows. "Well then, let's hope you become a regular." There's the same grin again. Familiar. Unfamiliar. Attractive. Bright. " First round's on me, stranger, and I expect you to return the favour." The holes inside him feel like they're being filled one by one by something concrete, like cement. This guy, Kris would be able to pick him out from a mass mob if he were given the chance, he's sure of it. There's something about him that makes him different from everyone else. Maybe because of the way he shines? He's not sure. That is a flashy jacket he's wearing though. "Ok." "By the way, I'm Baekhyun. What do they call you?" note/s: (because happy endings are my core.) Fun info: Kris used to be the Fisher King! But then he left Neverland and it was all forgotten. -whispers-Neverland is evil. |
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(Anonymous) 2014-12-25 09:05 pm (UTC)(link)but thank you for writing this so beautifully !!! I love it very mochi ! may us never forget the ones who make our heart whole