baektobaek | 2014: Home (2/2) (for pisaroi)

♭

It’s not that Baekhyun doesn’t like Junmyeon, he just really doesn’t want to talk to him. Junmyeon has developed this nasty habit of assuming every time Baekhyun tells him something, he’s lying to him.

Regardless of the fact that it’s partially true, Baekhyun is still slightly offended by it. Which he ensures Junmyeon knows extremely well.

Working with the Choi’s has become mostly a habit, Baekhyun running errands for them along with taking care of his own needs. He ends up visiting Minseok’s class a few times, and nearly getting roped into a workshop Ryeowook is doing with the fifth graders. Most of them don’t know who he is, and much prefer trying to get him to rough house with them than ask him to sing for them. It leaves Baekhyun light and with a fondness he’s new to, but likes.

Following the Thursday drinking nights down at the bar, with Lu Han nearly spilling every drink he serves and catching it with a cocky wink, music sessions become frequent. Whether it’s Seulgi and Irene dragging people to the park to play under the streetlamps or Amber opening up her living room, it starts a center for the small circle of people who play. Henry, one of the men who had moved into town after Baekhyun had left, ends up charming the group one evening as he pulls out a fiddle and gets them all dancing.

In most of his free time, Baekhyun spends with Yixing. Singing with him or just spending time together, teasing and doing what they used to do. It’s not as much the stupid and thrilled young love where Baekhyun was nervous to be in public, but subtler. It’s settled, where rather than nervous energy running through him, he’s able to relax just in the quiet presence of Yixing rather than feel the need to reach out and touch him to reassure himself he’s really there.

Now, Baekhyun feels like he can appreciate it. That he’s not rushing every moment on the thrill of wondering when it will end.

It’s the same with music, as the more Baekhyun eases back into it, the more he enjoys it. His voice is so different from what it was. It’s fuller, healthier and now he’s broken it out again, he can’t shut it away.

He doesn’t want to.

The pre-harvest festival takes place on a Sunday, and he and Yixing end up going as just patrons rather than performers. Jinri had given in a slightly let down pout when Baekhyun had told her, but then turned and asked Lu Han if he was up for helping her with a rock band she was trying to form. Yixing had stifled Baekhyun’s laughter with a hand over his mouth as Lu Han bewilderedly reminded her he couldn’t play any instruments.

They end up getting pulled on stage with Wendy as she makes a guest appearance. She smiles at them both, handing Baekhyun a tambourine and telling him not to hurt himself with it, and asking Yixing if he minded using the keyboard set up. Baekhyun had almost forgotten Yixing could play the piano, most of his youtube videos of him playing guitar.

It’s a small, simple number, and most of it just has Baekhyun and Yixing fooling around on stage with the impromptu performance, chiming in on the chorus. Wendy laughs, shining brilliantly with her energy as she nods her head to the beat and sings into the mic.

It’s what he used to do, what he wanted to do, and it’s truly living to do it now. Wendy finishes with a cheer from her own voice before the audience follows, and Yixing ends up transitioning into an old upbeat song with his fingers dancing over the keyboard keys. They get the whole crowd singing, and their combined voices over the speakers thrums through the whole area.

Laughing as they step off the stage, Jongin giving him a high five as he goes up with Seulgi, Baekhyun catches sight of Yixing paused by the keyboard. He’s looking in the crowd, and following his gaze, Baekhyun stills. The broad full smile slips just a bit, and some of the glow fades.

Over by one of the vending stalls set up by the high school kids, a woman and a young man are standing together, looking around. It’s been years since Baekhyun saw them, but it’s hard not to recognize his own family. “Hey,” pulls him from his brief moment of suspension, looking through the crowd at his mother and brother as they look around.

Turning, he meets Yixing’s eyes, the poorly hidden concern in them pulling a reassuring smile over his lips, though small. “Hey,” Baekhyun says, and leans into the hand that rests comfortingly at the small of his back.

It’s a little strange seeing them. It was really only a matter of time before he’d run into them. The town isn’t that big, and the family already knows he’s here. His brother and mother don’t seem specifically out to look for anything, or anyone, instead just looking around idly.

Still, Baekhyun can’t help but wonder if they saw the performance, watched him on stage or if they ignored him, pretending he wasn’t there like they did before when he was in the same room as them.

“Do you want to go?” Yixing asks him, stable and solid at his side. His hand slips to run in light circles on his back, looking back over at the two Byun’s standing alone. “We don’t have to stay.”

In the past, when Baekhyun had thought about the rare case scenario in which he’d run into his family again, it had always been something that sent a shock of cold through him. Where they would either completely ignore him, acting as if he was lesser than the dirt they walked on, or lash out. It had always been face to face, and Baekhyun always ended up with his arms around himself shivering in a mix of anger and fear.

A dangerous mix of hot and cold, two violent temperatures that raced through him and make him recoil.

Standing now, he looks over at the family that hasn’t talked to him since he left in the night and only went back to sneak the barest minimum of his possessions from his room. He looks over at them, and he’s not specifically angry, and it’s almost like a peaceful numbness.

He’s already cried out all his fear and pain, spent years looking back on them without any deceived idea of it being home. The falsity of family.

They don’t see him, don’t seek him out, and they aren’t hurting him now, standing in a festival in their own town. Instead, they look disconnected, standing together and Baekhyun feels nothing for them.

He can breathe.

“No,” Baekhyun says slowly, his eyes lingering on his mother and brother for just a moment longer before he turns to Yixing. He smiles, slipping his own hand to rest around Yixing’s waist, fingers pressing into his side. “No, it’s okay.” Yixing studies him, and Baekhyun leans back into his hand. “I’m okay.”

It could be better, but for now, he is okay.

“Are you sure?” Yixing asks, glancing over once more. Baekhyun lets out a soft chuckle, pulling his hand away to reach for Yixing’s hand instead, lacing their fingers together.

“They’re not bothering me, and I’m not about to go put myself in their way,” Baekhyun says. “Let’s just enjoy the festival and ignore them.” He squeezes Yixing’s hand. “I’ll let you know if I want to leave.”

Hesitating for a moment, Yixing finally sighs, squeezing back and relaxing. He’d stiffened up, and Baekhyun doesn’t miss how he’d placed himself a little in front of Baekhyun, putting himself between Baekhyun and his family. “Alright,” Yixing says.

Baekhyun watches the performance of Jongin and Seulgi tucked beside one of the food stalls. He’s just barely leaning back into Yixing’s chest, the other man standing right behind him. Between the melody and accompaniment Seulgi gives with her voice and guitar, Jongin adds to it by alternating between dance and a few added verses himself.

Silently, Baekhyun makes a note to talk to him, noticing the cadence of Jongin’s voice to match well with what Chanyeol might describe as ‘rap in the making.’ Something he’ll bring up to Chanyeol casually and see if he can entice him with another project among his ever growing list.

It’s nice to just watch from the audience, the light glow of the strung lights between the stalls and booths casting a pleasant glow in the early autumn air. Baekhyun’s fingers get sticky from the cotton candy they’d nabbed before Seulgi began playing. He grins, going between taking small tufts of it and popping it into his mouth and offering some to Yixing.

When Yixing’s lips brush against his fingers softly, Baekhyun shivers lightly, watching as Yixing’s eyes stay on him as he slowly licks his lips.

It sends a growing curl of heat in Baekhyun’s chest and below his stomach. He’s happy to reciprocate when Yixing offers him a tuft as well, letting his teeth brush against Yixing’s fingers briefly. It gets a soft laugh from Yixing and a poke in the cheek with a sticky finger.

In the shadows, no one can see when Yixing leans forward and carefully licks the sweetness from his skin. No one can see the resulting heat that paints Baekhyun’s cheeks red.

The festival itself is relatively small, and Baekhyun’s thought keep drifting back to the brief flash of his family. True, he doesn’t feel the urge to run just by having them here, but while his mother and brother might see him and ignore him, if his father is here, the same might not apply to him. Most of the booths and food carts Baekhyun and Yixing have already seen, and after a brief goodbye to what friends they see, they leave.

Overall, it had been fun. It’s been a long time since Baekhyun went to one of those festivals, or any festival really where he wasn’t working somehow. To just go and be able to enjoy the event, playing and having fun rather than running sound checks and rehearsal schedules.

“Thanks,” he says during a lull in his and Yixing’s conversation, walking back into town. Yixing looks at him in question. “For going with me.” The soft sound of their feet against the ground is the only thing around them. “For getting me back on stage, even if it’s only for a little bit. Tonight was fun.”

“You were the one that suggested it,” Yixing says, a light laugh in his voice as he steps closer, slipping their hands together as easily as breathing. For a moment, he flexes their fingers before locking them together, holding onto him. Smiling, Baekhyun lightly swings them between them, and Yixing’s cheek dimples as his eyes crease, smile in them and on his lips. “I should be thanking you.”

“Then you’re welcome,” Baekhyun replies. Yixing laughs. “To both of us.” The soft light of the lamps around them splay light down on the ground, illuminating the street, the old cracked sidewalks and the quiet streets of downtown. Almost no one is out, and the quiet and stillness almost makes it ethereal.

It makes his skin prickle gently, the air sticking to him like the sweetness of the cotton candy had before, waiting to be kisses away. It causes a warm rush over him, and he breathes in deeply.

“I haven’t heard you play piano in a long while,” Baekhyun says. “It’s nice. You’ve always been so good with it. I remember when you used to play your father’s old standing piano in the farmhouse to wake me up when I overslept.”

“It was easier than pushing you out of bed most days,” Yixing reminisces. “Much less flailing and hitting. Much more groggy you wandering into things as you came to tell me you were going to break it one day.” He lets out a soft breathless laugh. “You always would just slip onto the bench with me and fall asleep on my shoulder anyway.”

The memory plays before Baekhyun’s mind as Yixing talks about it, making him warm and hazy. Stepping closer, he shifts to lay his head on Yixing’s shoulder again, closing his eyes and letting out a sigh at the familiar feeling. He allows his hand to be released and keeps his eyes closed as Yixing’s arm wraps around him, holding him closer.

They pause, steps faltering between lamp posts and between two spreads of light, hidden and secret in themselves. Baekhyun sighs as he feels Yixing press a soft kiss to the top of his head, and he wraps his own arm around Yixing’s waist. Opening his eyes, there is no one around them. There is no hesitation as he turns then, tilting his head to face Yixing, so close to him, and his mouth spreads in a smile as he finds Yixing waiting for him.

The kiss is soft, slow, and simple. It leaves Baekhyun dazed, lips tingling even as it was such a simple kiss. His fingers curl in the fabric of Yixing’s shirt at his side, and he leans in to kiss him again. And again.

And again.

Until he’s dizzy with it and the lamp light shines in Yixing’s eyes when he looks at him.

“I love you,” he says, and doesn’t care if it’s sudden or the first time he’s really said it flat out in those simple words. He won’t get tired of saying it, knowing the more he says it, the more Yixing may remember it’s true.

Yixing doesn’t answer, instead brushing Baekhyun’s hair from his face and kissing him again. Neither of them pull away for a long time.

Even in the darkness, Baekhyun can feel the blush on his cheeks and the hastened breaths against his skin when they finally pull away.

It leaves him buzzing, humming as his nerves seem on heightened awareness for Yixing just being near him. The places where they touch feel hot, and Baekhyun doesn’t protest to Yixing walking him home.

“Such a gentleman,” Baekhyun teases him, tugging at the collar of his open shirt.

“One of us has to be,” Yixing teases and smiles with his tongue between his teeth as he gives Baekhyun’s ass a playful little pat.

The stars shine bright tonight, the whole world seeming to be in a bit of a haze and a little too bright, shimmering just at the edges of vision. It catches the air in Baekhyun’s lungs, and he barely has a moment to breathe in before it’s being stolen again as Yixing kisses him. Winding his arms around Yixing’s neck, he lets them fall until his back his the door to his unit, fingers burying in Yixing’s hair. He lets out a soft moan as Yixing licks into his mouth and presses searing kisses down the column of his throat, burning him up from under his skin.

They weave together, Baekhyun pulling as close as he can and Yixing backing off only to dive back in. The care, patience, and almost lazy pace of touches and drags of lips over his skin have Baekhyun wanting.

The light puffs of breath over sensitive skin make him shiver and he lets his teeth graze over the shell of Yixing’s ear as he feels Yixing’s hands slip to clasp around his backside. He moans into Yixing’s ear a moment later, rocking back into his hands and feeling his pulse throb through him, beginning to pound.

The hard surface of the door digs into Baekhyun’s back and he fumbles for the latch, gasping at the feeling of Yixing’s thigh slipping between his own. What had started as a goodnight kiss ends with Baekhyun stumbling backwards, pulling Yixing in with him, and tugging his button down over his muscled arms. The door stays open, ignored as Baekhyun wraps his arms around Yixing, letting out a soft appreciative sigh as Yixing pulls him close. Lips on his and hands pushing up his shirt to tease against his skin, hot and sensitive, wanting more, hungry for it, and Baekhyun rocks forward.

It earns him a soft intake of breath, and he drags Yixing’s full lower lip between his teeth biting gently before sucking on it and getting a long drawn out groan.

It’s been a long time since Baekhyun had sex, limited in the city with his job and broadcasted sexuality. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, it’s just that it got old after having nameless strangers in his bed, and even the brief instance when he and Soojung had started dating had been empty.

This. This is desire. This is his heart pounding in his chest, his breath shuddered and gasping, his skin on fire with every touch and him wanting Yixing with a building ache inside.

Yixing still knows where to touch him, where to drag his fingers along Baekhyun’s skin to get him trembling, fingers pressing in hard to the muscle of his shoulders. He knows how to slowly rock them together to get soft little sounds from Baekhyun and how to kiss him quiet, the perfect juxtaposition between intensity and reverence.

It’s when he slows, taming down Baekhyun’s seeking mouth and his hands rest to steady against his hips that Baekhyun lets out a soft whine. “Stay,” he whispers against his lips, fingers once more buried in Yixing’s hair. Turning it a mess that Baekhyun can only describe as extremely sexy on him. “I don’t want you to go.”

“I know,” Yixing says, and runs his thumbs over the soft curve of Baekhyun’s hip bones, leaning in to kiss him softly. “But I have to work early tomorrow. And you need to sleep. Don't you have a conference with Chanyeol tomorrow?”

It would be so much easier to tell Yixing that he doesn’t give a damn if he misses his conference call with Chanyeol, to drag him inside and map out his skin with his mouth. There’s a soft beep from his cell phone in the room, and Baekhyun sighs. He doesn’t uncurl his fingers yet from Yixing’s hair, leaning their foreheads together and trying to regain control of his breathing.

“I know,” Yixing says, tilting up so his lips rest against the soft skin between Baekhyun’s eyebrows. His thumbs continue to run over the curve of Baekhyun’s hips, and it makes his throat dry and his pulse thrum. “Later. Just not tonight.”

“Tease,” Baekhyun says, his voice darker and rough.

Yixing presses a kiss to Baekhyun’s forehead, holding him close and still, waiting as some of the rush abates. “Next time,” Yixing says, the words pressing into Baekhyun’s skin like a promise. “Next time, when we don’t have to worry about waking up tomorrow.”

“So you’re scheduling our sex,” Baekhyun murmurs and Yixing pulls back, laughing a bit.

Yixing’s lips are red and bruised, his skin flushed and his hair a mess. There are a few blooming red marks just barely visible on his skin, dark in the dim light. Baekhyun has wanted people before, driven with lust and desire to them. None of them have ever been able to do it like Yixing, where Baekhyun would go without sleep to have him tonight.

“Do you even have condoms and lube with you?” Yixing asks, and his hands slide to rest over Baekhyun’s shirt at his waist.

“I am amazing at improvising,” Baekhyun tells him. He’s calmed down a bit. Not enough to not want to drag Yixing to his bed and strip them, arousal high as he rediscovers all the soft way Yixing sighs to Baekhyun’s touch. “Remember, you doubted me once.”

“And you tried to use shampoo and lanolin and it was a terrible idea,” Yixing says. Then he laughs, leaning in and kissing Baekhyun, a firm and definite press of their lips. Baekhyun leans into it, eyes closing as he holds on for just a bit longer. “Go to sleep,” Yixing murmurs against his lips when he pulls away. “Dream of me.”

“Will you dream of me?” Baekhyun asks him. He finally untangles his hands from Yixing’s hair and lets his hands slide down Yixing’s chest.

“I always do,” Yixing says and Baekhyun’s heart slams in his chest fit to break it. In a rush, Baekhyun kisses him again, leaning up and trying to put into the kiss what he can’t fit into words, the sudden surge of feelings within him. Yixing kisses him back, finally cupping Baekhyun’s face to pull away. “Good night, Baekhyun.”

“Good night,” Baekhyun whispers against his lips, heart shivering inside him.

♭

Baekhyun, answer your damn phone and stop avoiding me.

You do realize that the end of October is three weeks away, and so far the only report I’ve had from you is ‘I’m working on it’ and ‘I have a plan.’ I’m not telling you I don’t believe in you, I’m telling you I don’t trust you with how you’ve been acting.

If you don’t have a good explanation tomorrow for this, I’m coming out there myself.

Please tell Lay I say hello.

- Junmyeon Kim

The email stares out from the computer sent among a slew of others that have been sitting in his inbox and on his work phone. It’s a bitter reminder amid the cheerful emails from Joy and the updates from Hwasa along with about twenty selcas a day.

Another email rests under it.

It makes Baekhyun’s stomach tie up and he instinctively draws his fingers to ghost over his throat. Invisible phantom chains that he’s beginning to feel again.

P.S. Call Soojung. Please.

The formality is just an additive, and Baekhyun can recognize when Junmyeon is giving him an order.

It’s about an hour away from his conference call with Chanyeol and Joy, where he’ll get to finally meet to young vocalist he’s been reviewing the files and drawing up rehearsal schedules for. Stacks of paperwork and finally he gets to meet his new ‘daughter’. The only good thing aside from this mess that he’s gotten himself into.

It could be worst, technically. At least Yixing isn’t completely refusing him, both in company and in relationship. Baekhyun’s neck has a few lingering marks and he runs his fingers over them briefly, thinking.

He’s still thinking when he sits in front of his computer an hour later, showered and fresh, waiting for Chanyeol and Joy to pop up on his video chat.

Three weeks.

Less than, if he’s honest with himself. Though he’s not sure he specifically told Yixing the time constraints of his ‘vacation’, he does know that at some point, he’ll be going back to the city, to JYE, and back to work. Though he has less of a knee jerk dislike about his hometown now, he doesn’t want to stay here.

There is a good chance that Yixing would come back with him if he asked him to, though Yixing isn’t as able to just give up his family. Right now, Yixing has appeared by all intents and purposes, to be completely content to continue filming his videos and working at the music shop. There hasn’t been a moment when he’s said he wants to do something more to Baekhyun.

It’s either because he really doesn’t, or because he doesn’t want to give Baekhyun the wrong idea that he’s reconsidering his initial declination of the offer Baekhyun came to him with.

Where he comes back to JYE with him. Where Baekhyun is his mentor, with him almost all the time, practically living with him, much like how there was hardly a day that Junmyeon didn’t see Baekhyun in his underpants. It never seemed to phase him, just barging into Baekhyun’s room when Baekhyun was hung over and not in the mood. It never hindered Junmyeon’s ability to read schedules at him like a demonic relentless robot.

If Yixing comes back with him, Baekhyun would be able to be with him almost constantly. He’d be with him for his music, for his development on an image and concept. He’d be there to help him with the interviews, at his side always.

They’d be together.

Baekhyun tugs at his lower lip absently with his fingers, frowning at the still waiting screen on his laptop. It’s not ideal, considering that he highly doubts that Junmyeon, let alone the rest of the higher ups at JYE, will be overjoyed at Baekhyun and Yixing dating.

They’d probably have to lie, and create a cover story for it, but…

They could do it.

Yixing could get on stage, finally singing and sharing his music with the world, reaching out to people through song and giving his love of music to others. Baekhyun would be here, helping him do it. They wouldn’t both be on stage, but right now it’s the best option they’ve got.

They could do it.

It wouldn’t be easy, the first step being coercing Yixing to come back with him, showing him that this was a way for them to do it. To stay together and do what they love.

It’s not impossible…

The computer blips, and Baekhyun shakes himself from this thoughts, accepting the conference call. Immediately, a shriek blasts through the speakers, and the blurred pixels show frantic movement frozen by a lag as the call loads.

“I really hope that was you shrieking, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun says, smiling as the image settles and Chanyeol beams out at him from the computer screen. “I always said you screamed like a girl.”

“Only around spiders,” Chanyeol says and wags his eyebrows. “I leave the screaming over you to fangirls and terrified children when they catch sight of you.”

“Hey, I’m great with kids,” Baekhyun protests.

“Only because you still are one,” Chanyeol says, sitting back. He looks exhausted, huge dark circles under his eyes, but he also looks overly happy. Like he has something he’s really excited about and waiting for Baekhyun to ask him about. “Unlike me, who is basically a model parent.”

“Whatever, dad,” Baekhyun says, blowing off Chanyeol’s self buffing comments. “What’s got you so smiles today?”

“Well, a few things,” Chanyeol says, and the adopted nonchalance does not go unnoticed by Baekhyun. “The first is that I have a special guest to show you today.” There is a soft little giggle that floats through the call, and Baekhyun bites down a grin. “The other I guess will have to wait until after that though.” Chanyeol’s face breaks into an enormous smile, the kind of smile he forgets to keep a handle on and which makes him look slightly insane. It’s Baekhyun’s favorite look on Chanyeol, working extremely well with Chanyeol’s bushy permed hair. “Ready to meet our baby?”

“Hey!” yelps a higher voice, and sudden shake to Chanyeol’s chair nearly spilling him out of it. “I’m not a baby!”

“But you’re so cute!” Chanyeol protests, craning in his chair and reaching behind it, his long arms stretching. “Come out here and meet your mom!”

“Mom?” Baekhyun says, choking on the word as a young girl, the one from all the files Junmyeon had sent to him, is tugged into view. She lets out another yelp, her face bright red and long hair swinging around her as Chanyeol pulls her in front of the camera. She looks almost comically like Chanyeol might, embarrassed but extremely excited. “So, I finally get to meet my lovely Joy.”

“Please don’t actually make me call you ‘mom’,” Joy blunders out, and then dissolves into laughter. Chanyeol grins beside her, shifting to make proper room for her in front of the computer. “I mean!” Joy flutters her hands, sitting up straight and her cheeks go even redder. “Hi! It’s really, really, nice to meet you, Mr. Byun.”

“Don’t call me that,” Baekhyun says immediately, not intending his voice to be so sharp.

Joy’s eyes go wide and Chanyeol chuckles beside her, soothing a hand over her shoulder. “It makes him feel really old when people call him that,” Chanyeol explains to her, and she relaxes in supposed relief. Baekhyun smiles at her encouragingly. She’s like a little ball of cute nerves and blushing cheeks. He can see her doing well in the industry. She’s certainly endearing.

“Extremely,” Baekhyun says, confirming what Chanyeol has said. “You can call me Baekhyun. It’s up to you what you call Chanyeol, though.” Joy smiles, and it’s cute. She’s very cute, which is not a bad thing. Baekhyun has heard her singing tracks, which is where he’ll come in somewhat once he gets back. She’s got a pretty good voice, though it could use some gentle assistance. “So Joy, aside from being a good girl and following all of the training I assigned you, what else have you been working on? I know you do stuff with Chanyeol.”

“Oh!” Joy says, and actually claps her hands, turning to Chanyeol with a wide smile, her cheeks round at the apples. Chanyeol widens his eyes at her instead of saying anything and she turns back to Baekhyun with a bit of poorly contained bouncing in her seat. “Chanyeollie has been teaching me about rap.”

“R-rap?” Baekhyun stumbles, turning to stare at Chanyeol accusingly. Chanyeol looks entirely pleased with himself, down right proud if Baekhyun is frank. “You’ve been learning rap from Chanyeol.”

“Well, it’s what a lot of artists are doing now, and it’d be a great element to add into my music,” Joy says, her eyes fluttering around and Baekhyun knows immediately she’s reciting what Chanyeol told her to say. He holds back a sigh.

Now Chanyeol has said it, she really may as well be their daughter. She’s got the same near intoxicating enthusiasm and optimism that Chanyeol does, but she can’t hold her expression for shit. Like Baekhyun. “I see,” he says, still staring at Chanyeol who grins shamelessly back. “And which do you prefer, Joy?”

She blinks, apparently surprised. Even Chanyeol looks vaguely surprised. “What?”

“I asked you which one you prefer between the two,” Baekhyun says slowly and clearly. This may be the first time he’s worked with Chanyeol, but he knows they have two very different mentoring styles. Chanyeol is kind of the protective indulgent big brother type, like Taeyeon had tried to be to him.

It was never Baekhyun’s style. Which he ended up, ironically, mimicking Junmyeon with. With both Hwasa and Jaehyun, Baekhyun had been companionable, joking and teasing and a bit indulgent, but mostly stricter. He’s their mentor, not their best friend.

Joy glances back at Chanyeol, as if asking what to do. What the right answer is. Good.

“I-,” she stutters, mouth hanging open and Baekhyun can see the worry flashing over her face. “I don’t know?” she answers, and gives a little shrug, shrinking back into her chair. “I like them both a lot. I love singing, I always have but I also, well, since Chanyeollie started really working with me, I like rap?”

“Okay,” Baekhyun says, and Joy blinks. “Good.” Chanyeol has one eyebrow raised, making his whole face lopsided. “Then we’ll work with it. I know initially you were set to do a cute concept, but honestly there’s enough cute transitioned to sexy acts out there. Really, there’s enough just plain sexual acts out there, and if you want to do this, it’ll be a lot of work. It’ll be starting a whole new design for you.”

“I’m ready,” Joy surprises him, speaking up as Baekhyun pauses for breath. Eyes widening, he looks at her, both fists clenched in front of her and determination in her eyes. She’s got fire. A lot of cute, apparently tall, fire.

Baekhyun likes her. A lot.

He thinks briefly that he’ll have to thank Junmyeon for assigning him Joy.

“Good,” Baekhyun says, and allows his voice to be a little softer. She’s almost glowing with energy, with optimism and the idea of doing this, practically radiant with it. “I’m glad to hear it.” He smiles, less polite and far more genuine and this time Joy’s returning smile is almost blinding.

She really is aptly named. Joy.

“She’s a good kid,” Chanyeol sighs after Joy has wandered off, called away for voice training and it’s just him and Baekhyun. “Also, don’t tell her I told you this, but she used to be a bit of a fan of yours.”

“What do you mean ‘used to be’?” Baekhyun grumps at him.

“I mean that she likes me more now,” Chanyeol says, and laughs as Baekhyun makes a rude gesture at him in response.

“Anyway, what’s this other thing you were going to tell me?” Baekhyun prompts. The call has gone on for close to an hour and he’d like to get started on his day. Errands and faxing paperwork to the company. “Did you finally get a date?”

Chanyeol sighs heavily which tells Baekhyun that it doesn’t have to do with his romantic life. Also to please stop asking. “It’s actually kind of about Joy, well…” Baekhyun stills, sitting up to listen properly as Chanyeol’s usual joking demeanor turns serious. “I have an idea. One I’ve been working on for a while.”

“Is this a rocket ship?” Baekhyun prompts.

“No,” Chanyeol says, throwing him a look. “But it is stellar.” He grins widely at his own joke. Baekhyun just stares, holding back the laughter at the horribly lame joke. Chanyeol sighs, and the seriousness returns. “You know how I used to run the production studio back in University? Was involved in the underground music scenes there and stuff?”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says, calling up the memory. He remembers meeting Chanyeol, in a giant almost comically emblazoned hoodie with a snapback poking out of the hood. Chanyeol’s huge grin on his face and his wide excited eyes with pants that were about seven sizes too big for his legs. “What was your name again? Park… DJ Duu B or something?”

“DuBeats,” Chanyeol says, and winces a little bit as he says it. “You know, because- never mind.” He waves his hands as if swatting away the words or memory like a swarm of mosquitoes. “The point is, I think I can do it.”

Baekhyun blinks. “Do what?”

“Start my own company,” Chanyeol says, in the softest voice Baekhyun has ever heard him use. He looks nervous, like actually admitting it makes it real. He’s been working on this for a while, from what Baekhyun remembers of that first night when it took only three drinks before Chanyeol told Baekhyun all his dreams. Apparently, those dreams never left him, just were slowly worked on until they could be realized.

Baekhyun swallows, his throat feeling slightly tight. He pushes down the urge to reach up and brush his fingers over his neck. “Seriously?”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol says in a whoosh of breath, like he’s finally letting it go. Holding it in for years, and finally letting it out. His eyes almost shine, bright and full of hope and the ability to see his success. “I finally got the basics flushed out, and found a founder who will help me get on my feet.”

“But.” Baekhyun frowns. “What about JYE?” He pushes out his lower lip into a pout, masking what his face might betray. “What about our Joy?”

“I’ll be on until I get her through, I think,” Chanyeol says, sitting back and smiling fully now. He’s calmer now he’s told Baekhyun. “I won’t be separating for a little while, but I’ll probably leave within the year, and then start up and start getting my own contracts and musicians.”

“So hip hop junkies like you,” Baekhyun says, smiling crookedly.

“Not only,” Chanyeol muses. “I want to do something where artists are completely in control of their own stuff. Most of it will work with underground artists, getting them on their feet and stuff, but I kind of just want an independent company that’s there outside of the huge corporate money mongers, ya know?”

“That’s not going to be easy,” Baekhyun tells him, sitting back in his chair.

“Life isn’t easy,” Chanyeol tells him with a light laugh. “That’s what makes it interesting.”

♭

It’s a dreary day. The first in a while that hasn’t dawned with sunshine and the soft songs of birds drifting in through the open windows. The air conditioners that do exist around town have been put away, the cooler autumn air moving in making them a waste of electricity. They’ll continue on in the city, where it’s hotter amid the tarmac and buildings, shade from trees and fresh clean breezes scarce to be found.

The morning is almost chilly, the mist from outside drifting in to creep in and over skin. Blocking the light it makes the morning drag, hang in stillness and suspension, wrapping the whole world in a soft cocoon of fog.

The chill in the air works its way into any place it can, between the cracks in the floorboards, the dried flower petals in a vase on a shelf, and tickling in the space where bare shoulders slip out of warmed sheets. The dull gray morning light coaxes to stay asleep, and rather than fight it, Baekhyun relents, wrapping his arms tighter around the warm body beside him, seeking the warmth against the chill in the room.

The sheets are tangled around him, wrapped around his legs and arms and torso in a mess, crinkled and practically tying him to Yixing’s body. They’d fallen asleep like that, a mess of limbs and skin and breathless sighs, spent and exhausted as they tumbled into bed. Waking now, his body muddled with sleep and the soft gentle ache from the night before, Baekhyun shifts closer.

Without waking, Yixing shifts, letting out a soft sound as he pulls Baekhyun into his arms, rolling until he’s holding Baekhyun and wrapped around him. Breathing him in, the scent of both of them on the sheets, and Yixing’s heartbeat against his cheek, Baekhyun doesn’t open his eyes. It’s too soft to do so, just enough that opening his eyes would bring him back to the real world.

A world where this is what he wants, but which might not be what he can have.

Breathing out, he nuzzles against Yixing’s chest, wrapping his arms tighter. Waking up like this, tangled up with Yixing and knowing that nothing can really fly in today and pull them apart. That he’ll see Yixing when he opens his eyes, see Yixing for breakfast and possibly for dinner. That he can see Yixing when he opens his eyes, kiss him without worrying about it.

Today Yixing will record another video, give another performance, and help out at the dance studio. Baekhyun has a chat with Joy and has a long probably grueling conversation with Junmyeon. The two of them doing their own pieces of music, their own work, and coming back to meld together.

Ending each night to wake up together, loving what they do and each other.

Baekhyun wants that.

He’s wanted that for a long time. To wake up in the morning like this, without having to know that at some point, he has to leave. Whether it’s to his house or to the city in two weeks or so, he’ll have to leave where they are now.

Baekhyun doesn’t want that.

Once, they had it worked out. They had initially wanted to be like this, where they had their own schedules, working together amid it, and would live like this. Together, fighting to do what they love.

They could have had this if things had gone right.

The soft breathing from Yixing brushes the top of Baekhyun’s head, and Yixing shifts closer to him. Baekhyun opens his eyes, shifting slowly so as not to wake up Yixing quite yet.

There could be more mornings like this, where Baekhyun can lean in and press a soft kiss to the smooth warm skin of Yixing’s chest, letting his lips linger. Where he could continue a path over Yixing’s chest, his fingers stretching down in a slow crawl to Yixing’s waist under the sheets. There could have been mornings, like now, where they’d have their own bed rather than share the one in the unit Baekhyun has rented.

It would be their bed that Yixing would be stirring on with a soft hum, arching into Baekhyun’s touch as he kisses at the dip in his throat and teases his fingernails to lightly scratch over Yixing’s thigh. This is what they wanted once, and they were so close to having it.

Baekhyun wants it now, and he is sure he’ll want it in five years, maybe fifteen or twenty. He wants the forever he promised.

“Good morning to you too,” Yixing murmurs, his chest rumbling against Baekhyun’s mouth as he drags over it with his tongue. He lets out a soft delicious sigh as his fingers thread into Baekhyun’s hair. “This is a lovely way to be woken up.”

“I’d be happy to be your alarm clock from now on,” Baekhyun says as he drags back up. He bumps his nose gently to Yixing’s chin, nudging him down as his hand snakes between them to tease over Yixing’s lower abdomen, scratching through wiry curls. Yixing kisses him, slowly and sensual, tongue dragging over Baekhyun’s as he presses closer. Their chests pressed flush, he lets out a low moan when Baekhyun wraps his hand around him, stroking slow and purposeful.

“My favorite alarm,” Yixing says with a smile as he pulls away. “I will never object.”

A soft burn begins in Baekhyun’s lower stomach, different than his arousal, but just as strong. “I could wake you up every morning,” Baekhyun says, his hand working over Yixing’s cock slowly. Yixing buries his face in the crook of Baekhyun’s neck, mouthing at his skin distractingly. Baekhyun holds down his own desire to arch into the touch, and instead barrels on.

He wants this. All of it.

Yixing hums, the sound vibrating through his chest and against Baekhyun’s neck, making him hiss. “I would wake you up nice and slow,” he continues, his voice turning breathless as Yixing rocks into his hand. “Touches that barely tease until you’re gasping awake.“ Yixing lets out another long moan as Baekhyun gives a soft twist to his hand, pausing. “Kind of like that.”

“Don’t stop on my account,” Yixing hums, his voice laced with heaviness, his eyes blown dark as he shifts to meet Baekhyun’s eyes.

“I want this,” Baekhyun almost whispers to him, leaning in so their mouths are nearly brushing. “I want to wake up with you like this, not just today, but every day.” He moves his hand a little faster, and the hitch in Yixing’s breath fuels him. “I want you with me, and we could do it.”

Yixing’s breath stutters, and he stills, his eyes flashing for a moment, locked on Baekhyun. Then he’s pulling back, cheeks still flushed but his hand closing around Baekhyun’s and stopping him. “Baekhyun, stop,” he says, and Baekhyun obeys, that insistent fire licking at his insides.

“Just think about it,” Baekhyun begins. It might work; they could have this. If they played their cards right and kept it close to the chest until things calmed down, they could do it.

Yixing’s fingers twitch around Baekhun’s wrist, like he’s about to squeeze it harder than would be comfortable. Then he sighs, and turns, looking away from him. “I told you my answer,” Yixing tells him, and his voice is no longer clogged with sleep. It’s clear and irritated. “You told me you had stopped, that you weren’t-“

“I did,” Baekhyun interrupts, pushing himself up to look down at his boyfriend. Because that’s what Yixing is to him, and more. He wants that with him. “But I have to go back some day and if you-“

“Stop,” Yixing says firmly, and tugs on Baekhyun’s wrist lightly as if to emphasize himself. “I don’t want to go back with you like that.” Baekhyun stiffens, freezing as those words slam into him. He almost feels numb, watching with wider eyes as Yixing sighs in apparent frustration, running a hand irritably through his hair. “Not- not like that, I do want you. But not with me going back with you the way you want me to. I don’t want to go back as the next big star while you hide in the shadows just behind me.”

The soft relief fades quickly to be replaced with annoyance. Baekhyun is trying to make this work. He’s figured out how to do it, and he’s trying. “Think about it though,” Baekhyun persists, watching as Yixing pushes himself up as well. The soft almost hazy atmosphere is gone, and Yixing is frowning at him. “It could work. You could go and perform and do the music you’ve always loved and I would-“

“Enough, Baekhyun!” Yixing says sharply, and Baekhyun’s mouth snaps shut. His annoyance doesn’t abate though, instead flaring higher as Yixing looks at him in clear refusal and a glimmer of betrayal in his eyes. “That’s not the life I want.”

There is a sudden flicker in his eyes, one that Baekhyun recognizes instantly from seeing it in his own eyes so often. Doubt. That this is just Baekhyun using him, getting this close to get him to agree with the guise of love.

That’s not it at all, and Baekhyun wants to yell in frustration because that’s the opposite of what he wants. It may have been how it started, but that’s not at all the case. He doesn’t want to fight with Yixing, never wanting to hurt him and doubt him like this, thinking that Baekhyun would lie to him.

Despite how Baekhyun, technically, has been lying. To some degree.

It’s all too exhausting for being awake barely thirty minutes, and this wasn’t at all how he wanted this morning to start. Letting out a sigh, he shakes his head. Biting his lip, Baekhyun lowers his eyes to the tangled sheets they’d slept in just moments ago. “Okay,” he says, voice rough. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

When he looks up, Yixing is watching him almost warily. “I shouldn’t have brought it up again. I just- never mind. Forget about it. I just- I wanted to- I don’t want to fight.”

“Good,” Yixing says, and though his tone is stronger, he looks more relaxed. Some of the doubt has faded from his eyes, and he lets his weight settle easier in the bed. “Then let’s not fight.”

It’s an early start, and the fight was averted, but Baekhyun doesn’t want to give up.

They get up, passing about the morning after taking a few lazed moments after Yixing settled down again and Baekhyun kept his mouth shut. His opinions to himself. The initial mood of the morning has been forgotten, instead just finally lapsing into them curled together as Baekhyun closed his eyes to listen to Yixing’s soft breathing.

The fact of the matter is that Yixing, despite his adamant answer of no to the proposal, definitely wants him, and not just short term. It makes no sense for him to be doing this with him, to be investing in him like this if he didn’t want to. Yixing loves the things he loves, and he does it with his whole heart.

That much Baekhyun remembers clear as anything. It’s still true now, where Yixing is so tied to his family, his music, his love of the arts and the people in his life. It’s in how Baekhyun catches him looking at him before Yixing will smile.

Wondering if Yixing has been thinking about what will happen when Baekhyun leaves, Baekhyun closes his eyes. He’s not going to let this die.

He won’t.

♭

The face looking back at Baekhyun is disappointed. It’s almost worse than it being angry or sad or just plain irritated. Baekhyun hates when Junmyeon looks at him with that look. He’s only worn it a few times, and every time Baekhyun felt some of the lowest he’d ever felt.

The last time Junmyeon had looked at Baekhyun like that, it was when Baekhyun had told him he didn’t want to do any of it anymore. The look had only lasted a few minutes then.

Now, Junmyeon has been staring at him from the computer screen on the video chat with that look on his face since Baekhyun accepted the call for about five minutes. So far, Baekhyun had thought he could hold out, but the more Junmyeon stares at him in silence with that look, the worse he feels.

“Please stop looking at me like that,” Baekhyun finally says, cracking down.

Baekhyun has been out here for almost two months and he’s rarely had a video conference with Junmyeon. Most of the contact he has with him is through the phone or email.

Which means Junmyeon is very serious right now.

“Like what, Baekhyun?” Junmyeon asks. He sounds disappointed too. Baekhyun almost squirms in his seat.

The problem with having Junmyeon as his supervisor on this job is that he’s not the regular figure of authority in Baekhyun’s life. While Baekhyun is perfectly happy to laugh and mostly ignore demanding bosses until he can’t, with Junmyeon it’s different. Junmyeon used to be his manager, and was less of a boss to him as he was more of the older brother Baekhyun would have wanted to have.

Junmyeon isn’t his boss, he’s more than that, and the fact that Junmyeon was the one who Baekhyun was placed under as a mentor at JYE doesn’t escape his notice. He suspects Junmyeon asked for it, but it’s a well known secret at the company that the only person who can even remotely get Baekhyun to behave is Junmyeon.

Partially because Junmyeon has a soft spot for Baekhyun, and Baekhyun, in his own way, admires Junmyeon. Junmyeon was the only one who saw through Baekhyun’s anger and acting out and instead of trying to yell at him, sat down with him and asked him what was really wrong.

The fact that Junmyeon, under all of his stiff looks and adherence to protocol, cares about him makes the moments when Baekhyun has actually managed to disappoint him brutal.

“Like I’ve disappointed you,” Baekhyun says. Junmyeon knows exactly how he’s looking at Baekhyun, and he knows how much it makes Baekhyun feel horrible.

It’s why he rarely uses he look. “Well, you have disappointed me,” Junmyeon tells him, and his voice is quiet and even. He’s a vision of calm and composed, that perfectly controlled countenance enviable.

Junmyeon lets out a long sigh, steepeling his fingers together. “I told you to go and talk to Lay, to coerce him into joining the company, and to find out a way to get him to sign with us. This was both because I wanted to see you have an artist that would really cement your position as a mentor, and also because I thought it would be good for you. To see him again, as I know you miss him.”

“I did,” Baekhyun admits, unafraid to do so. “I did miss him. You were right.”

“But,” Junmyeon continues, cutting off Baekhyun before he can slip under Junmyeon’s words and win him over with praise and side tracking the conversation. “You’re running out of time, and while you keep telling me things are going well, not once have I seen real evidence of you making progress. Your reports are rife with you glossing over details. Yes, I can see that. I’m not blind.”

“I’m working on it,” Baekhyun tells him sincerely. “Really, I am. I’m-“

“What I need to know, right now Baekhyun,” Junmyeon interrupts him, and Baekhyun falters. “Is if you are doing this because you don’t want to mentor him. If there is some reason you’re basically dropping this job. And I need you to be completely honest with me.”

Baekhyun gapes, chilled. The look on Junmyeon’s face suggests that he’s listening, regardless of the answer. Swallowing, Baekhyun thinks for a moment if this doesn’t work. If Yixing still says no when Baekhyun’s time is up and he’s forced to return without Yixing, it’s a huge drop. With all the work he and Junmyeon have done, it makes them both look bad for the company.

Baekhyun for failing on the job after putting so much work into it.

Junmyeon for putting his neck out for him, saying that he could do this, giving him the job in the first place.

They both work for such a promised division that failure, while it’s written off among the lower recruiters as too bad, isn’t treated as leniently. Yixing is a huge name, and losing him would be considered a massive loss. It also means that sooner rather than later, others will probably start swooping in and interfering and Yixing could sign with them. It’s unlikely, considering his attitudes, but the company doesn’t know that and isn’t likely to believe that.

Shit.

“I’m not dropping this job,” Baekhyun says, and the look on Junmyeon’s face is like he’s convinced Baekhyun is lying to him. He’s not angry, instead just looking tired and disappointed. “Really, Junmyeon. I’m not.”

“Then why haven’t I see him once? There has been no correspondence or acknowledgement from him that I’ve seen aside from you saying he is ‘warming up to the concept,’ which, to me, just looks like he’s enthusiastic about music. Which was a given from the damn start. He has a goddamn music channel that the posts music on once a week. That’s enough of an indication he likes music.”

Baekhyun bites his lip. It’s hard to imagine taking Yixing under his wing, how right now he wants to mentor Yixing not because he specifically wants to do it for his job, but because he wants to be near him. He wants to bring Yixing into his world, to bind their worlds together, and Yixing is talented, gifted in music in ways Baekhyun never was.

Baekhyun knows JYE made a bad move when they took him instead of running after Yixing back when he signed. Or maybe Sungmin and Taeyeon knew he would refuse them like he’s refusing Baekhyun now.

It would all be so much easier and practical if Yixing just listened to Baekhyun and came back with him, with Baekhyun as his mentor.

“I do want to mentor him,” Baekhyun says firmly. Staring at Junmyeon, he tries to put as much conviction into his voice as possible to convince him. “Look, I am trying. Things have become more complicated, but I think if I talk to him more on this, really get down to things, I could turn him around. I’m right there, I can feel it.” Baekhyun wets his lips, feeling a shiver in his heart as he thinks of this, the confidence in his own voice making him believe it a little. “He trusts me, and I’ll make it work.”

It’s not like before, where he and Yixing had been performing together and the idea of them being so separate or so close was too questionable. Too volatile. Baekhyuhn isn’t performing anymore, and it could work with Yixing being the one always on stage. Always smiling and waving to his fans and beaming with his love of music.

As Baekhyun watches.

“Are you sure you’re not just letting your feelings get in the way of your work?” Junmyeon asks him. Baekhyun’s mouth has gone dry, and he shakes the brief stab of sadness. He gave it up.

Even if he loves music, he stopped for a reason. This is his life now.

“Are you asking me as my boss or as my friend?” Baekhyun asks instead of giving Junmyeon a professional answer.

Junmyeon pauses, pressing his lips together into a line before his face relaxes. “This time,” he says, and his voice is softer. “I want to know as your friend.”

“I’m sure,” Baekhyun says honestly. “But in this case, my feelings are involved in my work.”

They play a huge part. This is a job he, right now, doesn’t want to fuck up.

For a long quiet moment, Junmyeon studies him and Baekhyun tries to look as sure as he can. He wants, needs Junmyeon to trust him. To believe in him.

Junmyeon has always believed in him. Ever since Junmyeon walked in for his first day with designer fake glasses and seen Baekhyun looking like a hungover train wreck, to the day Baekhyun told him “no more,” Junmyeon has believed in him.

Baekhyun bites his lip.

“You’re running out of time.” Junmyeon looks at him less authoritatively and more pointedly. “Two weeks. You have to get him here in two weeks, by any means possible”

“Two weeks,” Baekhyun says, holding up two fingers. He smiles, and Junmyeon offers a weak one in return. Baekhyun’s heart shivers in his chest, thinking of the last time he’d brought up the topic and how that had gone. He’ll find a way.

♭

The first day of the new week finds the music shop operated only by Mr. Kim. It’s nearing the middle of October, and the harvest season is in full swing, the local farms truly wrapping up. While Yixing had been lending a hand to the family between his job and keeping up his music, in the fields with his parents and helping his grandmother with the basic chores, now he’s there full time.

“You could help us, you know,” Yixing says, coming in from outside and flushed from exertion. He smiles, tossing back his hair, too long now, and setting down a basket of apples on the large kitchen table.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Baekhyun says, even as he shucks his jacket. “What if I hurt myself?”

“Then I get to play doctor,” Yixing says, and grins pleasantly as Baekhyun almost chokes as a sudden flare of heat spikes through him. Yixing looks completely nonplussed as he walks back outside, and Baekhyun ends up running to catch up to him, jumping on his back. Yixing yelps as Baekhyun wraps his arms around his neck, legs tucking at his waist.

There’s a moment where it feels like Yixing will lose his balance. Then his hands come to hold under Baekhyun’s thighs, hoisting him higher on his back, bouncing him slightly. Clinging as he piggybacks his boyfriend, Baekhyun leans in to whisper into Yixing’s ear, “giddy-up,” and squeezes Yixing’s waist with his thighs.

“If you’re good, maybe I’ll let you ride me later too,” Yixing says casually. Baekhyun bites his ear and Yixing nearly drops him. “Bad puppy,” he says as Baekhyun chokes a yelp, catching him easily and grinning.

“Don’t act like you don’t enjoy my legs around you,” Baekhyun mumbles, holding on tighter as Yixing walks towards the orchards.

“When on earth did I say I didn’t like that?” Yixing asks him incredulously. He squeezes Baekhyun’s thighs as he holds him up as if to emphasize his point. Baekhyun is dropped unceremoniously on his ass when they get to the orchard, Yixing just cocking his head and telling him it was payback for blowing at the back of his neck. “You know how I feel about that.”

“Bothered,” Baekhyun suggests, feeling a little bothered himself as he lies on the grass under the apple trees and looks up at Yixing.

Yixing has, for some inhuman reason, decided that despite the colder air, tanks are still totally acceptable. Baekhyun shivers now, in the cooler weather and no longer clinging to Yixing’s hot body as his own portable furnace. Yixing, now, with his tank ridden up a bit to reveal where his jeans hang low on his hips, winks at Baekhyun. “Race you.”

They did this a few times before. Back in high school, Baekhyun would avoid club activities and instead spend his time on the Zhang’s farm, helping out sometimes. He and Yixing used to spend a lot of time in the orchards, either at night in the summer and stargazing or climbing the trees in the afternoons and talking in endless circles. They would sometimes camp out under the open sky, playing and singing music for hours. Baekhyun would wake up with the dawn, tucked to Yixing’s side and with grass in his hair.

During the harvests, Baekhyun would help out, knowing that they didn’t have the funds to hire help with the produce. He and Yixing would race each other in the orchards, starting at one line of trees and work their way down the line, filling their baskets as fast as they could.

The winner got a kiss.

“What’s on the table?” Baekhyun asks, pushing himself up and grabbing an empty basket and holding it in his arms.

Yixing squints, thinking for a minute. “A music session,” he finally says. “If I win, we have a music session with the girls that isn’t just me. If you win, I cook you dinner.”

“Deal,” Baekhyun says, and grins cockily at Yixing, sticking his tongue between his teeth. Yixing barely has a moment to smile before Baekhyun is yelling “readysetgo!” and leaping down his row of apple trees with his basket. He laughs as Yixing yells out at him for cheating before laughing and running to his own row.

♭

Despite his efforts, which had been valiant, Baekhyun loses. Terribly. Defeated and exhausted, his three baskets of apples weak compared to Yixing’s seven, Baekhyun flops back into the grass. “You win,” he says, panting from climbing up and down the trees and lugging around the weight of the baskets. “I am conquered. Defeated. Left to die.”

“Poor you,” Yixing says, looking down at him sprawled in the grass. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to bury you with roses.”

“Mourn me?” Baekhyun says, waving his arms feebly for Yixing to pull him up.

Instead of pulling him up, Yixing steps over him and sits down straddling over Baekhyun’s hips, grabbing his hands and lacing their fingers. “I promise I’ll keen for at least one day,” he says and laughs when Baekhyun bucks up, trying to throw him off. Still seated firmly on Baekhyun’s stomach, Yixing instead leans down and kisses him. His lips are cooler, his skin warm from working and Baekhyun relaxes back into the earth, eyes closing as he returns the kiss lazily.

“You owe me a music session,” Yixing says, pulling back to grin down at him and Baekhyun rolls his eyes. He surges up a moment later, getting a shriek from Yixing as he’s toppled over and sent sprawling in the grass, Baekhyun following.

It’s not that hard to convince Seulgi and Irene to come out to meet them. They end up bringing along their instruments and this time, Baekhyun doesn’t hold back. He sings like he used to, the light of the small bon fire they build in the fire pit located in the park in the center of the town flickering an orange light over them.

The warmth it casts, flickering against the shadows and heating against Baekhyun’s skin is almost hypnotizing. Yixing is seated on one of the rocks around the pit just a ways away, the firelight setting a warm glow to him. It flashes parts of him in brilliance, licking him in firelight, the rest of him swallowed in darkness.

By now, Baekhyun knows almost every single one of Yixing’s songs, sitting often times with Yixing while he plays, much like before. Often, he’ll either watch him or fill out whatever paperwork he’s given, the two just sharing space. More often than not, he’ll just sit and listen as Yixing tests them out, his original pieces instead of the covers he does for his videos.

Baekhyun likes the original works the best. He always did. It speaks a part of Yixing, his heart, his soul, and his feelings. Emotions pouring into the songs he writes and sings. Used to write and sing for both of them.

It takes a moment before Baekhyun realizes the songs they’re singing have changed, that the reason he’s singing along without thinking is because they’re their songs. It sinks into him heavily, as he sings all the old songs. Yixing watches him, a pleased expression on his face as he sings with him.

“You guys are so good together,” Seulgi says during a break between songs, looking between the two of them. Her guitar is resting on her knees, and she looks between the two of them with something close to admiration. “It’s like it’s effortless.”

“We’re just that good,” Baekhyun teases, and Yixing chuckles, kicking dirt at him.

“Lots of practice,” Yixing says. “We’ve known each other for a long time. It happens when you’ve performed and done a lot of music together.”

“You performed together before?” Irene asks, leaning against Seulgi’s legs, curled up and closest to the fire.

“When we were about your age,” Baekhyun answers. He chances a glance at Yixing. “Once upon a time.”

“Why did you stop?” Seulgi asks, her eyes flickering between the two of them, lingering on Baekhyun. “You sound like you’re made to sing together. And you both clearly enjoy doing it together.”

Baekhyun’s heart jumps, beginning to beat faster in his chest as Yixing’s eyes drift over to his and linger. They’re dark, less of the soft brown. A deeper hue, drawing him in. It makes his hands itch to reach for him.

“Nah,” Yixing says, leaning back, the darkness swallowing him away from the fire. “He’s a huge pain to deal with honestly. You know he once used a piece of sheet music to take cheat sheet notes for a math test?”

“I swear,” Baekhyun huffs, kicking dirt at Yixing this time. “That was one time!”

“And I’ll never let you forget it,” Yixing says, kicking back. The girls laugh, and Baekhyun watches as Yixing’s gaze stays on him, drawing his lower lip between his teeth slowly. It sends a warmth curling in Baekhyun that isn’t from the fire.

It builds, slowly and steadily through the night. As the fire dies out, leaving just glowing embers, the warmth faded, the stars blink out over them. Seulgi and Irene are shadows in the dark, barely illuminated by the glow of the still hot embers. Scooting closer to the fire to keep warm, Baekhyun lets out a soft breath when he hears movement behind him.

Eyes closing, Baekhyun feels arms circle around his waist, tugging him back to rest against a warm chest, Yixing’s legs on either side of his. Letting himself get pulled back, Baekhyun sighs happily as Yixing’s warmth seeps into him, pressing warm and firm against him. They’re both tired, hidden in the dark from the girls as Baekhyun rests against Yixing and feels the dull weariness settle into his limbs from apple picking earlier.

“Tired from just a bit of manual labor?” Yixing hums into his ear, arms around his waist. “You’re going all soft and dainty being in the city.”

“They’d eat you alive in the city. You’re not allowed to go without me to protect you from scary ruffians,” Baekhyun mumbles, lulled by the warmth from Yixing and his own fatigue. He shifts, and lets out a soft sound as Yixing tightens his arms around him.

“My knight in shining armor,” Yixing whispers hotly against the sensitive skin of his neck. “Riding in to save me on his white horse.”

“Damn straight,” Baekhyun hums, smiling and melting in a contented hum as Yixing presses a kiss to his neck softly. He tilts his head, baring his neck and shivering at the feeling, the skin of his neck always sensitive. Yixing has been the only one to somehow understand how to touch and treat his neck, getting Baekhyun gasping and feeling like he’s going mad in minutes where he’d shove other people off for going near it.

Yixing’s neck has also always been sensitive as well, and Baekhyun briefly considers this is a component as to how he touches Yixing, knowing his own sensitivity. Then Yixing moves down a bit, kissing more and Baekhyun lets out a slightly louder gasp, arching a bit as his skin flares and sends a rush of arousal through him. He shudders, his hands rising to settle atop Yixing’s thighs on either side of him, fingers digging in.

“Do you want me to stop?” Yixing asks, his voice darker and sending another wave through Baekhyun.

“No,” he breathes. He bites down another soft gasp as Yixing’s hands slip at his sides, mouth open and hot, searing against his neck and he trembles, trying not to arch. The slow tease of Yixing’s fingers down, pressing to the waist of his jeans has a moan clogging at the back of his throat. He tightens his grip on Yixing’s thighs, arching back into him when Yixing slides his fingers over his hardening cock through his jeans, and it throbs.

Cracking his eyes open, he can see the shapes of Seulgi and Irene, chattering softly on the other side of the fire pit, and a hot flare of arousal coils in his lower abdomen.

If he’s a little too loud, it isn’t that hard to figure out what’s going on. It makes him hot, the thrill of being caught mixing with the soft swirl of Yixing’s tongue along his skin making his mind hazy and his body hot. He shifts, trying to push back. His hips rock back slightly to press into Yixing behind him,with the heel of Yixing’s hand pressing down against Baekhyun’s trapped cock torturously.

Pulling away, Yixing delivers a brief bite to Baekhyun’s ear, making him bite down hard on his lip to keep quiet. “I think we’re going to head home,” Yixing says, the loudness of his voice ringing in Baekhyun’s ear. “It’s late, and we had a long day of harvest. Well, I did, and Baekhyun is weak.”

“Am not,” Baekhyun protests, clearing his throat when it comes out too thick. He feels Yixing pull away, leaving him to shiver at the sudden rush of cold. “You just wear me out.”

“I enjoy it,” Yixing says, grabbing his guitar. The embers just barely light his face, but Baekhyun can see the smile spread over it. His eyes glint and Baekhyun swallows down to try to calm down the pulse through him of want.

“Okay,” Irene says, she and Seulgi standing as well. “Thanks again for inviting us out. It’s always fun to watch and hear you guys play. Until next time.”

Baekhyun reminds himself as he pulls Yixing through the door of his unit that Yixing doesn't have to work tomorrow. He reminds himself that there is no alarm to be set as usually Grandmother Zhang gets the morning chores done while Yixing tends to sleep in. It pushes the air from him almost as hard as when Yixing pushes him up against the wall, crashing their mouths together a moment later.

Baekhyun accepts it hungrily. While he had been tired before, lulled by the lure of the fire and the weariness in his limbs, his body is humming now, thriving on the feeling of Yixing pressing hard against him, hands slipping over him. He’s panting, going between frantic and dirty kisses to getting his hands under Yixing’s shirt, pulling it off him hastily to get to his skin.

“God, I’ve wanted you all day,” he growls, pushing Yixing back enough to drag his shirt over his head. The air is hot, and Baekhyun expects Yixing to swing back into him, a pendulum of lust to crash them both into pleasure. Yixing doesn’t, staying back and his skin pale in the light drifting in from the window.

“I know,” Yixing says, and Baekhyun shivers when he pulls Baekhyun’s reaching hands into his own, holding them and stilling him. Baekhyun’s breathing sticks, blood pounding in him as Yixing slows down to a near stop, carefully slipping his fingers under Baekhyun’s shirt until it pulls off him. His eyes watch, shining in the moon and starlight, as every inch of Baekhyun is revealed to him.

It’s when he gets like this, where he snaps from giving into Baekhyun’s insistence and vigor to slowly examining him, touching him and opening him up with near reverence, that drives Baekhyun mad. He can feel the blood pounding in him, hazed and hot with arousal that already aches between his legs.

“Please tell me you don’t have to do anything to do tomorrow morning,” Baekhyun moans, his hands smoothing over Yixing’s sides as he step closer.

Yixing pulls him to panting, mouth dragging down to tease over his chest, his fingers easily pulling his pants open to slip his hands down the back around his ass. Baekhyun lets out a low groan into Yixing’s shoulder as Yixing’s hands clench and rock him forward, rolling their hips together in a delicious friction.

“Just wake up to you,” Yixing murmurs, teasing his fingers into Baekhyun’s underwear to slide against bare skin, fingers teasing him. “So I’m all yours tonight. Or you’re all mine. Either way, I’m happy.”

Biting his lip as another moan ripples from his throat, Yixing rolling their hips together in a delicious friction between their clothed cocks.

“Good,” Baekhyun says, slipping his hands down between them to get to Yixing’s pants. “Because I really want you to fuck me right now. It may take a while and I don’t plan on sleeping much.”

Guided to the bed with the soft touches of strong hands, Baekhyun pulls back to get them both on the bed. They get one lamp on, mostly so Baekhyun can find where the Hell he stashed the lube and condoms after Mrs. Choi cleaned. Crawling leisurely into Yixing’s lap, Baekhyun kisses him, slow and deep, his cock heavy between his legs as Yixing’s hands run up and down his sides.

“On your knees,” Yixing tells him, hands on his hips. The click of the cap of the lube sounds and Baekhyun shifts back, positioning himself on his hands and knees. Glancing back, he grins, feeling the flush that extends down his body and wiggles his ass at Yixing.

“Good?” he asks.

Rather and answering him properly, Yixing slides his hands over both bared cheeks, his hands slick and Baekhyun moans. His fingers clench in the coverlet as he feels the cool trickle of more lube drip down onto his skin, warmed moments later as Yixing’s hands massage it down, teasing it to his entrance.

“You’ve always been so loud,” Yixing murmurs, his breath ghosting over the dimples in Baekhyun’s back. Baekhyun drops his head, pushing back, trying to get him to move. “Talking, singing, laughing, and fucking. You fill up all the space around you until there’s no room for anything left.” Baekhyun moans as Yixing’s finger teases him, pressing into the muscle around his entrance and slipping into him.

“I’m bad at not being me,” Baekhyun says throatily. His fingers clench and unclench in the coverlet, relaxing his body as Yixing slides his finger in and out of him, opening him up slowly. The soft kisses over his lower back are a nice distraction, Yixing’s free hand holding Baekhyun’s hip steadily.

“I don’t want you to be anyone else,” Yixing says, lips dragging up Baekhyun’s back.

Baekhyun’s legs try to spread further, a soft moan falling from him as Yixing adds another finger, stretching him wider. The curl of them inside of him as they press deeper, teasing him open and loose, slow and patient until Baekhyun is a slew of moans and gasps. As Yixing adds a third finger, Baekhyun’s thighs begin to shiver, the soft occasional drags over his prostate giving stronger and stronger rolls of pleasure through him.

He’s sick with it, throat dry from heavy breaths. He cries out when Yixing curls his fingers directly into it and a wave of pleasure crashes into him, leaving his whole body tingling and wanting. “Please,” Baekhyun half whines, hips rocking back and cock leaking. “I want you. I’m ready.”

Yixing pulls him back, twisting him up a bit and kissing him, drinking him in, Baekhyun hot and needing him. Wanting him and heady with it.

Pushing Yixing back, Baekhyun pulls him to sit with his back to the headboard, legs stretched as Baekhyun settles over him. Hands pressing to Yixing’s shoulders, he sits on Yixing’s thighs, rocking them together as they kiss. Pushing himself up onto his knees, Baekhyun watches with impatience as Yixing rolls the condom onto himself, finally looking up at Baekhyun.

“I didn’t know you’d take the comment from earlier today seriously,” Yixing says roughly, leading off in a groan as Baekhyun positions himself and sinks down slowly. Baekhyun is breathing heavily when he finally settles, seated fully in Yixing’s lap with his cock buried deep inside him, stretching him perfectly.

“How can you suggest me riding you and not think I’d take is seriously?” Baekhyun asks him, voice hoarse. “It’s like you don’t know me at all.”

Yixing lets out a soft laugh, hands running over Baekhyun’s sides and down his waist and thighs. “I’ll keep that in mind,” Yixing says, and lets out a soft stuttered gasp as Baekhyun rotates his hips, adjusting to the feel of Yixing inside of him.

“I know,” Baekhyun says roughly, rising up and feeling the slow delicious drag of Yixing’s cock inside him. “You said I fill up space with noise.” He lowers himself, a little faster and his breath sticks hot in his throat. “But,” he gasps, beginning to set a pace as he lets himself rise and fall on Yixing’s cock. Yixing is watching him with dark eyes, focus paid and handss guiding and helping as Baekhyun fucks himself down. “I’m empty without you.”

Yixing’s eyes flash, and his hips jerk up, Baekhyun crying out as Yixing’s cock drives into him and he falters. Hands tightening on Yixing’s shoulders, he rides him harder, pace faster as he takes Yixing’s cock into him over and over again, building the growing arousal that tenses tighter in his groin.

“I can’t tell if you’re being serious or sexual or joking,” Yixing gasps, rolling his hips slightly up to meet Baekhyun’s falls onto him.

“All,” Baekhyun moans, fucking down as his thighs strain from exertion. He welcomes the kiss Yixing presses to his mouth, open and hot as the rise and fall with each other. “But I meant it,” he gasps into Yixing’s mouth, heart beating wildly in his chest.

“I know,” Yixing reassures, and Baekhyun closes his eyes. He digs his fingernails deep as he feels Yixing’s hand wrap around his cock and a burst of pleasure flows through him as Yixing drives up into him and his mouth drops opens in a choked cry.

♭

The problem with being so aware of the time limit is that with the limited time frame, he’s not sure how to broach the topic without getting Yixing pissed at him. He can feel Yixing becoming more wary of it, his eyes shifting a little as he catches on small drops and mentions that Baekhyun leaves. Talking about his friends back at JYE and bringing up Junmyeon.

“He was your mentor, wasn’t he?” Yixing asks, glancing up once as he and Baekhyun are sitting in the café downtown. Baekhyun is sipping on a spiced hot chocolate as Yixing drinks tea, sheet music from Yixing’s latest piece strewn over the table.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun answers. “He helped me with a lot of stuff. Not specifically music, but mostly with how to deal with the industry, what to do and not do and how to deal with people. I don’t think I could have made it as long as I did if Junmyeon hadn’t been watching over me.” He smiles at Yixing who looks back blankly. “That’s what mentors are for, really. Being there for the artists. It’s a close relationship.”

That we could have is left unsaid. Yixing looks away, back to his music, and the conversation fades.

What bothers Baekhyun is that while he’s not doing this to use Yixing, it could definitely be taken like that. He wants to stay with Yixing, having lost him once and not wanting to make that mistake again. The problem with being in love with Yixing is that while he doesn’t know if Yixing could walk away again, he knows he can’t. Not unless he knows for certain Yixing doesn’t want him.

Everything Yixing does shows him wanting to be with Baekhyun though. Not just romantically, but together. Spending time and seeking him out, entirely unromantic. Pestering Baekhyun to do his work or help them with the harvest, the two of them as good as living together with how often Yixing is at Baekhyun’s unit or Baekhyun at Yixing’s place.

He stays more days at the farmhouse, alternating between doing work for the Choi’s and helping out Yixing’s family with closing up the farm. Grandmother Zhang ends up spending most of her time trying to teach him how to cook, laughing at his failures and teaching him to fix his mistakes. It warms him, like the stolen sweaters from Yixing’s bureau around him, those kind smiles from her. The soft sounds of Yixing playing the old standing piano drift through the house, making him ache for that to stay with him.

To have a life where he doesn't wonder if he’ll have Yixing with him to play their own piano, singing his own music loudly. A life where Yixing is only reminded to sleep in the early morning hours by Baekhyun padding over and tugging him to bed, reminding him to rest and settling down with a sigh.

It makes him itch to want to push, to find out what it is that is keeping Yixing from listening to him, that he keeps him shutting down whenever Baekhyun brings up the topic. What makes him keep them in this removed state where Baekhyun feels so locked out of his world, where he shuts him down and doesn’t budge. Every time Baekhyun tries to get into it, brushing that topic or briefly mentions back when they split the first time, Yixing stops the conversation before it can start.

It’s obvious he doesn’t want to get into it, but Baekhyun can’t see another way of them sticking together without him bringing Yixing back. Sure, Yixing could move to the city, but doing what, and Baekhyun’s not about to move back home.

It’s a fine line between appearing like he’s using their relationship as a coercion method to get Yixing to come back with him, and being genuine.

“Do you know why?” Baekhyun asks Lu Han on Thursday as they’re at the bar, meeting up with the usual group. Lu Han is in the middle of drying glasses, hanging by them as he and Yixing had been chatting for a bit, the brief moment now given as Yixing had gone to the bathroom.

“Why what?” Lu Han asks, frowning at him as he puts the glass in his hands down.

“Why he doesn’t want to actually do something with his music,” Baekhyun asks, trying to word it as best as he can.

Lu Han frowns at him. “What are you talking about?” he asks, bracing his hands on the bar top. “Yixing has always wanted to do something more with his music. He’s wanted to do his music for his living for ages, not only when you two were a thing. He’s not ‘Lay’ for nothing.”

Which makes Baekhyun itch all the more to figure out why, to get Yixing to talk to him and to get him to agree. Baekhyun knows Yixing can do it, if he gets him back to the company that he can give Yixing that. He can put him on the map.

Even if Yixing has some sort of residual anger at JYE for what happened, if he has the wrong ideas about what the company is like, maybe just getting him there will make him see it’s different. Baekhyun just needs to do that, to get him to see that this isn’t because Baekhyun is trying to get paid, to get Yixing as his meal ticket, or use him.

He wants to see Yixing do what he loves and help him do that.

That’s what he’d initially wanted, to be there for Yixing with their music. It’s just a little different now, but not so drastically that there isn’t any hope.

It’s after a long day that Baekhyun finds himself at the Zhang’s, Yixing and he the only ones in the kitchen as Yixing cooks something for them. Baekhyun had thought to do something, suggesting it earlier as how they’d been back together for almost a month. Yixing had vetoed going out for dinner and instead uses the food from the farm to cook, giving Baekhyun small tasks about the kitchen.

They sneak little pecks and touches as they work, Yixing blowing on taste samples before offering them to Baekhyun to test the flavor.

It’s relaxed and easy, just quiet and the two of them, Yixing’s grandmother gone for the evening.

“Good?” Yixing asks, watching him expectantly for a verdict on the taste of the sauce he’s making for their dinner. In response, Baekhyun just leans forward and kisses him.

Pulling back, he smiles brilliantly. “Delicious,” he says and Yixing scoffs, smiling all the same as he turns back to cooking.

The day before, Yixing had recorded one of his videos to post online, meaning he’s not distracted with music as they wander back to his room after cleaning up dinner. They barely get through a movie on the computer before Baekhyun is distracted, his mind blurred with deadlines and his focus wandering with his fingers under the hem of Yixing’s shirt.

The movie is easily abandoned as Yixing leans into the kiss Baekhyun presses to his mouth, leaning into his touches. Getting his shirt off, Baekhyun lets his hands run down Yixing’s bare chest, tongue at his lips. Yixing is still stunning, making Baekhyun’s mouth water as he looks over the strong defined lines of his body. He lets his fingers run down, over the hard muscle just visible under soft skin, before leaning down and following the path of his fingers with his mouth.

The soft appreciative sighs and sounds that Yixing makes, his eyes dark as they fix on him, his hands sifting into Baekhyun’s hair and lightly scratching his scalp curl arousal in his lower belly. He moans softly as Baekhyun sucks gently at little patches of skin, sensitive spaces along Yixing’s body he hasn’t forgotten and the louder responses and arching of Yixing’s body urge him on.

Yixing pulls Baekhyun’s shirt off over his head, leaning up to drag his teeth down his collarbones, positioning Baekhyun over him as he lies back in the bed. Baekhyun grips onto the bed frame as Yixing litters soft bites and nips over his skin, soothing them a moment later with soft drags of his tongue. Shivering, he moans loudly, knowing there isn’t anyone to hear him but Yixing as Yixing toys with one of his nipples with this teeth, then soothing the sensitive bud with his tongue and kisses.

“Fuck,” Baekhyun gasps out, slipping back down to kiss over Yixing’s face, heady with arousal as Yixing’s hands slide down to his ass and squeeze. “I wish I could do this every day.”

“What’s stopping you?” Yixing hums at him before catching his lower lip between his teeth and dragging at it. He rolls up, pressing the heat of his cock in his jeans to Baekhyun’s and grinding into him.

Choking down the want to say, “you are, actually,” Baekhyun pulls away to kiss and bite down Yixing’s body. He lets his lip catch on his belly, sliding down and working Yixing’s pants open to push them down, freeing his erection to bump against Baekhyun’s collarbones. He grins up at Yixing instead of speaking, drifting down to drag his tongue up Yixing’s cock and getting a loud sigh.

With the heady weight of Yixing on his tongue, Baekhyun teases him, lips slipping around the tip of his cock, his fingers wrapping around the base and gently stroking him. Yixing spreads his legs as best he can, shifting up on his elbows to watch Baekhyun with dark lidded eyes. “You feel so good,” Yixing murmurs, taking a hand to run through Baekhyun’s hair, pushing his bangs off his face.

Pulling off to lap at his cock, Baekhyun takes in a breath and tells him, “of course I am,” before wrapping his mouth around Yixing again and taking him deeper. He takes his time, watching as Yixing’s chest begins to heave, his mouth parted as he pants, eyes fixed on him as he bobs his head, taking Yixing into his mouth even further. With his other hand, he carefully reaches lower, letting them tease at Yixing’s balls and earning a rough low moan.

Baekhyun responds with his own, the vibrations of his voice traveling to Yixing’s cock in his mouth. Yixing’s head drops, eyes fluttering. Fingers fondling at Yixing’s balls and his other hand lazily dragging up and down his cock, Baekhyun pulls off, lips slick with spit and with the taste of his lover on his tongue. “Feel nice?”

“You’re so damn good at this,” Yixing tells him, hand pushing Baekhyun’s hair back again, cheeks flushed.

“What, sucking your dick?” Baekhyun asks, laying his head on Yixing’s thigh.

“That,” Yixing says, a little smile to his lips. “And being able to get under my skin until all I want is you.”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun hums, laying a few kisses over Yixing’s hips as he continues to stroke him leisurely. He knows that while Yixing likes to vary the pace when they have sex, a slower steady pace or just almost primal fucking are what turns him on like nothing else. He presses his thumb to the underside of Yixing’s cock and Yixing lets out a low moan, eyes on him. “I am pretty good at that aren’t I?”

I think he’d do most anything if you asked him.

Jinri’s voice floats through his mind. Baekhyun closes his eyes as he sucks a light mark into the skin of Yixing’s hip. “This is what it used to be like, remember?” he speaks softly into the skin of Yixing’s hip, slowly bringing him off. He mouths for a moment at Yixing’s cock before letting his lips drag down it and nuzzling into the soft curls at its base. “What it should have been like, what we could have.”

Suddenly, Yixing’s hands are on him, pulling him back and he’s sitting up. His eyes are still dark with arousal, cheeks pink, but he’s frowning, a furrow between his brows as he pants at Baekhyun. “Is that what this is about?” Yixing asks, wrapping his hand around Baekhyun’s and stopping it on his cock. “Baekhyun, stop,” he commands, and Baekhyun does. “Is that why you’re doing this? Because you think this is how it would have been, should have been? Because you’re mad I keep telling you no so you’re getting me to-“

“No!” Baekhyun cuts him off, and meets his eyes firmly. “Look, I’m-“ he sighs. Maybe this wasn’t the best time to do this, but they’re here now. “I’m not fucking you so you join my damn company and because I regret a bad decision in the past.” Yixing’s jaw tenses and Baekhyun pulls his hand away, sitting up and pushing himself into Yixing’s space. He will not lose him to something like this. “I’m here, right now, in your bed and with you because I want to be.”

Yixing’s eyes are darting between both of Baekhyun’s. His chest is still heaving from what Baekhyun had been doing before with his mouth and hands, but his focus hasn’t been clouded. “If you’re just here to be with me then why do you keep bringing it up?” he asks. “I told you my answer before, many times.”

“Because I want to be with you!” Baekhyun bursts out, his frustration getting the better of him. Why it is so hard for Yixing to understand this, Baekhyun can’t get his head around. “I don’t want to leave at the end of the month and not have you with me. I want to be with you, to have you in my life and see your smile and watch you forget words when you need them and stay up just to make sure you get to bed without exhausting yourself. That’s what being in love is, and I don’t want to throw it away again!”

Yixing hasn’t softened, still watching Baekhyun with trepidation on his face. “I love you,” he says, and Baekhyun wants to yell. “But I have needs and wants too.”

“Then tell me what they are!” Baekhyun insists, reaching to take his hand and squeezing it tightly. His breathing is too fast in his chest. “I keep trying to ask and you shut me out. I can’t know what you want unless you tell me what it is.” He swallows, a feeling of dread suddenly pushing into him. “Do you just not want this to-“ His throat closes and Yixing’s eyes widen.

“No!” he says, and opens his mouth as if to blunder on, and then stops. He lets out a loud frustrated exhale and shakes his head. “Baekhyun, I want to be with you. I do. I want to live with you in my life and see your smile and deal with your cheesy comments and I love you. But I want to do my music.” Baekhyun’s chest flares with heat, in anger and hope. “I want to live and share what I do with people and I want you to be a part of that instead of just standing at the wayside or far away where I can’t-“ He breaks off, and Baekhyun’s breathing is too fast for him to keep inside.

Swallowing, Baekhyun takes Yixing’s other hand in his, holding them both tightly. “I want that too,” he says, and Yixing looks at him, almost sad. “That’s why I keep trying to ask you to come back with me.” Yixing’s eyes close and Baekhyun’s heart jumps. “Honestly, it would make so much more sense if you come back with me,” Baekhyun presses on. “You can’t do what you want here, it’s so limiting for you and there’s nothing for either of us to do here except spin wheels. I don’t want to do that and I know you don’t either.”

“Baekhyun,” Yixing almost whispers, eyes still closed.

“Please,” Baekhyun insists. It’ll be safe for them when they get back to JYE. Baekhyun will make sure of it. “You can tell me or yourself that what I’m trying to do isn’t perfect, and it isn’t. But I’m trying. I threw this away once, I let you go and thought I could forget you and I was wrong. I threw away what we had and all our work once, you did too.” Yixing opens his eyes. “I thought we both agreed it was a bad idea.”

“It was,” Yixing says, and his voice almost strains. “Baekhyun, that’s-“

“So why can’t you just listen to me and try this?” Baekhyun insists. His heart is beating so hard in his chest it hurts, the emotions spinning in him making his throat tight and ache. He can see the soft misted look in Yixing’s eyes that suggests how much this is affecting his lover. “I can’t bring us back to five years ago where we could just start it all over again and it was easy, but I can do whatever it takes to get you as close to me as I can so you can do your music. So can you please, please, come back-“

“Baekhyun!” Yixing yells, and jerks his hands away from him sharply. He’s almost glaring now, tears lingering at the edges of his eyes. “Stop! Just stop! I don’t want to go back just so I can watch us struggle to do this, to still be separate and have to hide what we are, what we have.”

“We won’t-“ Baekhyun chokes, even as the reality burns into his skin. Into his mind and makes him falter. They will, but they’ll figure it out. Baekhyun is used to having to hide what he is, having to do things just because it’s expected.

A phone filled with a few inquiring messages and short answers with a part of his life Baekhyun likes to forget about.

“Yes, we will,” Yixing snaps. The arousal is gone, Baekhyun cold and still irritated and staring futilely at Yixing as he pulls away. “I’ve been watching you for five years, Baekhyun. Five years of watching you lie and hide who and what you are and I don’t want that with you.”

“Then we’ll figure something out,” Baekhyun says. “We’ll get there, and make it happen. It’ll be hard, but-“

“No,” Yixing says, and shifts back on the bed. He wipes at his face angrily, before stilling, eyes closed and letting out a shaking sigh. “No, Baekhyun.”

Heart aching in his chest, Baekhyun tries to reach for him, and when Yixing flinches back it feels like it breaks a little. “Yixing, I-“

“Drop it,” Yixing says, voice clogged. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I don’t want to fight.” He shifts, pulling his pants back up a bit and running a hand through his hair, pushing it off his face. Then he lets out a long shaking sigh. “I don’t want to lose you but I don’t want you to lose who or what you are, or who or what I am either.”

“I don’t want that either,” Baekhyun says, voice softer and bordering on broken.

“Then stop asking for it,” Yixing half whispers, looking at him imploringly and Baekhyun’s heart twists painfully in his chest.

♭

Hey asshole. I hope you’re not dead or something because I haven’t heard from you in almost two months and even if Junmyeon tells me you’re okay and going to call me, I’m unconvinced you aren’t a skeleton in his closet. Or in Kyungsoo’s closet, and Junmyeon is just covering for him out of his weird loyalty complex. Message me so I don’t have to call a criminal investigation please? I really don’t want to deal with a murder trial AND my schedule for this year.

-S

P.S. I also maybe miss you a little. Mostly because now there’s no one to eat entire pints of ice cream for me so I can live vicariously through them.

Kisses and Fucks~ ♡

♭

“Can you promise me?” Baekhyun asks, his eyes itching with exhaustion and trying not to continuously rub his face with his hands. He hasn’t shaved yet and the patchy stubble is just going to make him irritated if he doesn’t soon.

It’s lucky that stubble doesn’t show up on video calls.

“I’d promise you anything, mom,” Joy chirps at him and Baekhyun groans.

“I told you to stop calling me that,” Baekhyun sighs at the bright smiling girl on his computer screen. “Chanyeol has the worst influence on you ever.”

“Well, I can’t really call you dad, because he’s already claimed that,” Joy says, and then lets out a little laugh. “Plus, you got mad when I tried to call you ‘Brikka Baek’.”

“That’s because it’s the stupidest name I’ve ever heard,” Baekhyun tells her firmly and she pouts at him. “Even stupider than Park DuBeats and Joy Fiesty.”

“I’m telling dad on you,” Joy pouts at him and Baekhyun sighs. She’s developed this terrible habit of taking after all of Chanyeol’s bad attributes. While Chanyeol himself isn’t bad, he has aspects to him that drive Baekhyun up a wall. Apparently, all of these aspects are rubbing off of Joy, and she’s flourishing with them.

“How about you put him on and I’ll yell at him myself,” Baekhyun suggests. “Besides, aren’t you late for a dance practice, kiddo?”

Joy skips off to go to her practice after blowing him a kiss, and Baekhyun slumps back into his chair. It’s been a long few days, mostly of Baekhyun being unable to sleep and contemplating what to do. It had been rough the other night, finally settling down with Yixing but feeling like something was about to break.

He’s running out of time, in more ways than one. The decision of going back without Yixing and just dropping the whole thing, of dragging Yixing back with him, of running.

Just running.

Baekhyun sighs, running his hands over his face finally and pressing his fingertips into his eyes, willing the fatigue to go away. He’s not been sleeping well, the nights spent alone. It’s not that things are bad with him and Yixing, it’s just that now they’re both a bit on edge. Baekhyun can feel it, and he can see Yixing feels it too.

It shows in how when they’re together, it’s almost too sincere, they’re too happy. It shows in how when they fuck, they’ve lost the soft peace and harmony in each other. Before, their movements with each other were like they have the rest of their lives to spend together. Now, Yixing fucks him like Baekhyun used to urge him to back when Baekhyun never knew if tomorrow would be okay or he’d end up with a cracked skull.

It’s intense and hard and almost brutal and everything Baekhyun demands, both of them desperate. Yixing gives until they fall apart together and can barely move. After, Baekhyun’s skin feels alive with nerves, and he’s restless, unable to sleep.

Baekhyun does not function well without sleep.

“You look like shit,” Chanyeol tells him, sitting down in front of the computer and sipping a huge coffee mug gingerly. “What happened? Local night fever got you hungover or something?”

“I haven’t been sleeping well,” Baekhyun admits.

Chanyeol grimaces. “Problems with Lay?”

That twist in Baekhyun’s chest that had begun a few days ago turns harder and he winces. “Yeah,” he admits, and Chanyeol gives him a sympathetic look. He waves a hand, putting on a mask to hide how he’s almost sick with this. How he doesn’t want any of this, the slowly rising claustrophobia of being cut off from music and Yixing and the prospect of losing him.

“You’ll figure it out,” Chanyeol tells him with a reassuring smile. “You have a way of just…”

“Pulling things out of my ass?” Baekhyun prompts dryly.

“I did not need that mental image,” Chanyeol tells him pointedly. “Ever.”

“You’re welcome,” Baekhyun says with a grin. “How are you doing? Still planning your great departure into your own musical pursuits?”

“Stop sounding like you want to get rid of me,” Chanyeol says, taking a long sip of whatever is in his mug. “I told you, it’ll be a while before I can get that off the ground, but it’s looking good.” He grins. “You remember your actor friend?” Baekhyun frowns. “The one that looks like a male model but acts like a masculine teenage girl.”

“Oh, Zitao,” Baekhyun says, laughing at bit at Chanyeol’s description. “Yeah, what about him?”

“I’m recruiting him,” Chanyeol says with a wide grin. Baekhyun’s jaw drops. “We’ve been hanging out a bit since you aren’t here to entertain us and he really likes the idea.”

“Zitao likes big dream ideas that are shiny and full of romance,” Baekhyun says, smiling bitterly as he thinks of his own dreams. It makes that twist ache more. “Of course he likes your idea. You two probably held hands and talked about how wonderful life is going to be.”

“Actually, he gave me a few promoting ideas, told me if I ever needed a face for it he’ll help, and offered to redo my entire wardrobe,” Chanyeol says. He chuckles and Baekhyun can’t say he’s surprised. “He also gave me a demo CD of his that’s him rapping.”

“He- what?” Baekhyun stares. He knew Zitao used to rap before he got into show business for romantic and action movies, but he didn’t know he still did it.

“He’s pretty good actually,” Chanyeol says, looking thoughtful. “Why do you have to horde all your talented friends to yourself? Relationships are about sharing things with each other, and that means talented hot friends.”

“I don’t want you to ruin them,” Baekhyun throws back and Chanyeol adopts a kicked puppy expression. “But I’m glad you two got together. Is he helping you with designing the concept now? Or just going to get you to stop wearing oversized hoodies that may as well shelter a small family.”

“He’s agreed to be one of the first to sign with me if I do get this off the ground,” Chanyeol says, leaning back. “I actually think this will really pull through, Baekhyun. I can finally get a whole slew of underground artists and people like I used to be on the map without all the shit that comes with it.”

“And you’re going to protect them like JYE does,” Baekhyun poses. It’s a bit of a slap, but a part of Baekhyun is a bit bitter.

Chanyeol is sitting here telling him about this huge dream he’s had to promote DJ’s and rappers from his world, and Baekhyun is fighting tooth and nail to try to get the half of his dream to let him help it work. It just feels like he’s so boxed in, and many doors are closing to him.

Chanyeol’s expression falters. “Well, I mean, we’ll be small at first, but we’ll try,” he says.

Shaking his head, Baekhyun tries to get some of his irritation to go away. Chanyeol doesn’t deserve this, him being mad at him for no reason. Chanyeol hasn’t done anything wrong and Baekhyun is being ridiculous. “That’s awesome,” he says, and gives Chanyeol a brilliant smile. “I can’t wait to see you get it going.” Chanyeol’s smile is back. He looks just as tired as Baekhyun, but happier about it.

“So,” Chanyeol says, straightening up. “Fun shit aside, what’s new I should know about?”

In under two weeks, Baekhyun will be coming back to JYE, working in full swing as soon as he gets back on deck. He’ll be training Joy personally, working with Chanyeol and, hopefully, working full time with Yixing to get him ready to debut with the company. It’s going to be a massive change from what Baekhyun has slowly eased into while being home, the relaxed pace of things and the quiet.

After talking with Chanyeol, Baekhyun picks up a bit, running a few errands for the Choi’s. On the way back, he turns his collar up against a light fall drizzle. It makes the back of his neck prickle as the hair rises and he gets back into his unit shaking out his jacket. He bundles up on the bed in one of Yixing’s sweaters, left from when Yixing had come over the other day.

It smells like him and Baekhyun curls up in it, letting that comfort him from some of his rising nerves. He hums to himself, one of Yixing’s songs that had been stuck in his head for the last few days. It’s a little softer in nature, using the beautiful sound of the piano and hangs in the air. The way Yixing sings it, his voice lingering on the notes, has Baekhyun closing his eyes and drifting in it. It works differently in his own voice, and he finds himself singing it under his breath, wondering if Yixing would ever let him sing it with him.

Baekhyun closes his eyes, leaning back on the bed, humming gently and lingering for a moment in the song, hearing the harmonies in his head and fitting them into place.

That had once been what all of Yixing’s songs had been written for. Two voices instead of just one. His and Yixing’s, blending together perfectly and supporting each other, like how Seulgi had commented.

The ringtone from his phone pulls Baekhyun from his thoughts. He takes a steadying breath before answering, bringing the phone to his ear. “Chinese Laundry and Pizza parlor, how is your day?”

“Baekhyun, I know it’s you, don’t be an asshole,” Junmyeon grumbles at him over the phone.

“Aw, you knew it was me,” Baekhyun fake pouts, leaning back so his head rests against the wall. “Spoil sport.”

“I’m glad to see you’re taking things as seriously as ever,” Junmyeon drawls, and it makes a small smile tug at Baekhyun’s lips.

“Well, you know me, ever the proponent of maintaining a businesslike demeanor at all times.” He shifts, shrugging deeper into the sweater for warmth. “How are you?”

“Waiting to hear good news,” Junmyeon tells him bluntly.

“Joy calls me ‘mom’.”

“That’s not good news. That’s terrifying news,” Junmyeon tells him. “How is Lay?”

“We had a long talk,” Baekhyun says slowly. “Cleared a few things up.”

“What kind of talk?” Junmyeon asks, and his voice is weighted.

“The kind where we didn’t get angry and no one threw a stapler,” Baekhyun tells him. “No instruments were harmed in the process of the talk. Or people. And there was only a little yelling.”

“You are not making me feel at all reassured right now, I hope you know that.” Junmyeon sounds exhausted. He’s been sending Baekhyun more paperwork than usual, which means he’s extremely stretched right now. “But things got cleared up?”

“Yes,” Baekhyun says, his throat dry.

It’s been a little sore since that talk. He’s not sure if it’s the cooler weather, but thinks it’s more because of how he hasn’t been sleeping, and he’s been using his voice more. Singing and fucking among a few activities that vigorously use his voice.

“Good,” Junmyeon says. “Or else I’d be coming out to step in and fix this up.”

Baekhyun’s stomach twists hard and he sits up quickly, eyes flying wide. “Please don’t do that,” he says.

If Junmyeon comes out here, it will mess up so much. It’ll look like Baekhyun really has just been doing this as acting under orders. Junmyeon means well, but he has a way about him that is strictly business, and it tends to cut into people the wrong way sometimes. There’s also how Junmyeon being out here would pull his and Yixing’s relationship into the focus.

A relationship that he’s technically not supposed to be in, regardless of how much he loves and wants to be in it.

“Then I’ll wait to hear from you in a few days with your travel plans of when Lay will be coming back with you and how I should set up his dorm.”

“He can just live with me,” Baekhyun says immediately, not thinking it through.

“Why would he live with you?” Junmyeon’s voice is a little edged. Baekhyun knows he’s suspicious.

“You lived with me when you became my mentor for a while,” Baekhyun stumbles.

“Because you were an alcoholic and could barely take care of yourself, let alone operate like a a professional musician,” Junmyeon retorts tersely. “It was either live with you so you didn’t accidentally electrocute yourself trying to make toast, or forfeit both of our careers.” He lets out a loud breath that crackles over the phone. “As far as I know, Lay has no need to live with you at all, perfectly capable on his own.”

“Right,” Baekhyun says, and his heart twists in his chest painfully. “You’re right.”

All aspects of this are going to be rough, and it’ll be harder to convince Yixing this will work if they are separated. The rest of the call is spent with Junmyeon filling him in, talking about Hwasa’s details and how Jaehyun is working well with some of the other boys at JYE. The talk of them forming a unit and regrouping into a band that’s beginning to spread through the company. Apparently Junmyeon and he will be pulling strings once Baekhyun is back with Yixing.

“Of course, you’ll be busy with Lay, but consider it a side project along with Joy.”

Baekhyun swallows and bites his lip instead of answering, anxiety crawling up his throat and making it tight.

Yixing comes by later, hanging up his coat by the door to find Baekhyun curled up in bed, tucked under the covers for warmth. He pulls him out, suggesting they get food. Baekhyun and he end up making up something simple before Yixing pulls him out to go for a walk under one of Mrs. Choi’s enormous umbrellas. They walk to the outer fields of the town, closer to where the Byun farmhouse is.

Barely even having the energy to think about his family, Baekhyun is silent, leaning into Yixing and resting his head on his shoulder. Yixing doesn’t ask, instead just walking quietly together and with his arm around Baekhyun’s waist, humming gently. The soft patter of a light rain echoes around them and Baekhyun lets his eyes linger on the road before them.

It’s getting harder and harder to tell himself ‘later’ because ‘later’ is now and he still doesn’t have answers. It’s building into something that he knows is going to hurt. He doesn’t want to be the one to break it, instead lingering as long as he can in the moment where he and Yixing are okay. He suspects Yixing is doing the same thing, keeping quiet and just reveling in what they have now.

It's bittersweet.

On the one hand, Baekhyun is annoyed at him for not just coming back with him and making things easier. It’s a sacrifice in many ways, because no, they will never be able to be fully together and on stage like he used to dream of when he was younger. He gave up that dream after his parents disowned him and he couldn’t ignore how the real world anymore.

There are some who don’t care, who support, but while gay supporting artists are many, those that are on stage initially as out and open are farther and in between. Baekhyun has seen them, experienced the reaction to it that is less than kind. He experienced it when Taeyeon told him and Yixing that they couldn’t debut the way they were because it was too volatile.

The experience which followed him with ‘disconnecting’ himself from that image, going right back into hiding that part of himself all of again, was sobering and, in the end, just as suffocating.

If Baekhyun goes back with Yixing taking him as an artist, they can build it up before coming out, but everything takes time. In many ways, it’s impractical for them to be together, and it could hold back Yixing.

The tightness in his throat grows, and he ends up shivering a little. He’s already stopped so many of his once huge dreams.

The dreams of him and Yixing on stage together, performing together as artists and as lovers. The dream of doing it all was let go when Yixing left after they told them ‘do it separate or don’t do it at all’.

The dream of being a singer when music lost all of the love he once had for it. When it became bitter and painful and choking him enough that going on stage had him shaking. He let go when he walked back after his last concert and told Junmyeon no more.

The dream of making it big and being free and happy.

The air is so chilly, and the mist from the rain sticks to his skin. “Cold?” Yixing asks quietly beside him. Wordlessly, Baekhyun nods. “Almost there,” Yixing says, and pauses to take Baekhyun’s cold hand and squeezes.

They end up getting to one of the far fields, hay bales rolled up and scattered along the mown grasses. At the horizon line, just below the clouds and mist that hovers, is the faint hint of the bright pinks and oranges as the sunsets. It seeps into the mist, muted and calm and beautiful.

Leaning into Yixing, wrapping his arms around him and with the warmth of his sweater and body close, Baekhyun looks out and tries to remember that there are happy endings. Happy endings don’t usually happen from boring stories, and perhaps he can still have one.

It makes him shiver, a short flicker before he feels Yixing press a kiss to the top of his head. Turning, Baekhyun closes his eyes and kisses Yixing, shivering even more as Yixing leans into him, sweet and everything that is important to him.

They have a little over a week left until Baekhyun is supposed to leave.

He’s shaking when Yixing pulls him into his arms, and kisses him. He’s shaking and kisses back passionately, pushing aside everything as it begins to overwhelm him and lets himself get lost in the kiss for now.

He can enjoy this for now, and be happy, while it matters. While it still counts.

♭

Junmyeon is not the kind of man to get furious easily.

“What do you mean you need another fucking two weeks?!”

However, there are exceptions to this.

“It’s just two weeks,” Baekhyun says quickly. He’s just out of the shower and finally biting the bullet to call Junmyeon and tell him that things are running behind. As in, Beakhyun got a slight cold and Yixing, the most amazing human incarnate, spent the last few days helping him recover. It made him realize that Baekhyun is so in love with him he can’t do it.

He can’t drag Yixing to JYE at the end of the week and he can’t fight with him. He’s not going to give him the ultimatum of Baekhyun and the offer or nothing. He can’t do it, because he can’t give him up.

There is a slim chance that he might be able to figure out how to make it work if he has a little more time. An extension of sorts. “Please Junmyeon, I-“

“Baekhyun, do you remember what two weeks is in the industry?” Junmyeon practically yells over the phone. “It’s a long time! It can make or break an artist in terms of scheduling and withdrawal and popularity and promotion! Two weeks is not just simply time I can pull out of thin air!”

“I know, I know, I know,” Baekhyun fumbles, trying to put on socks while standing and cradling his phone against his shoulder. He’s going to be late, having agreed to help Jongin and Sehun with a bit of music track mixing they’d asked him about. They’re kind of paying him, so he figures it’s not a bad idea. “I know, I’m terrible and you have no idea where you went wrong with me. I should have my act together and you could have Yixing back with you before-“

“Yixing,” Junmyeon says, cutting him off.

“Yeah, that’s his name,” Baekhyun says, finally getting his socks on. “The guy I’m trying to seduce into coming to the company.”

“Maybe you weren’t ready for this,” Junmyeon says, and his voice is distant. “I shouldn’t have sent you out there. I knew your history with him and I thought I could trust you but-“

Baekhyun stands up, feeling like he’s just been smacked. “Don't you fucking dare,” he snaps, suddenly angry. “You sent me out here because you knew I was close with him and could talk to him and because, yes, I know him, but that proves we already work well together.”

“Baekhyun-“

“And we do work well together,” Baekhyun continues heatedly. “We always have. We get along and understand each other and I know his music as well as he knows my voice. We click, and can work in sync and you let me take this job because of that!” He’s breathing heavily when he stops, and his chest is hot with anger.

“Okay,” Junmyeon says. His voice is so distant, so masked that Baekhyun’s breathing catches as a chill goes through him. “Fine. Fucking fine. Two goddamn weeks and I’ll figure something out to deal with this on my end. You just do what you’re supposed to do on your end, and things will be okay.”

Relief floods through him, and Baekhyun lets it drop him onto the edge of his bed. Closing his eyes, he lets out a soft sigh of relief. “Thank you,” he says, voice nearly shaking.

Later, when Yixing meets him after doing an in-house piano repair for the Lee’s, he frowns, taking in Baekhyun. “Are you okay?” he asks, slipping into the seat opposite Baekhyun in the downtown café.

Taking in a shaking breath, Baekhyun smiles at Yixing, letting the filling breath expand and calm him down, steadying him. He reaches across the table to Yixing’s waiting hand and wraps his own around it. “Yeah,” he says, and squeezes tightly. “I’m okay.”

He curls up that night alongside Yixing, getting in late after staying out for an outdoor movie, and both of them climbing in through Yixing’s window. “You’re a bad influence on me,” Yixing laughs against his lips, pulling him close. Baekhyun just smiles, crowding closer into his arms and kisses him.

Tomorrow is Saturday and they’re going back to the café, promising Heechul to help him organize another open mic and they have the whole day to do whatever. Baekhyun’s phone is silent and still on Yixing’s desk. He lets out a soft breath as he lets Yixing pull him back against his chest, cradling him to his body and making him safe.

For now, it’s okay, and he’s able to close his eyes and just be happy.

♭

Saturday dawns gorgeous and sunny, the air warmer than it has been, the last cling to summer in the depths of fall. It’s beautiful, pulling people outside and into the sunshine. A few places are decorated for Halloween already, a few of the farms advertising on shop windows for hay mazes and a few activities with the tail end of the harvest.

“How about we go?” Baekhyun asks, looking up from the pamphlet in his hands to Yixing. Yixing looks back down at him from where he’s setting up speakers with Sehun in the café. His eyebrows are furrowed and his lower lip sticks out in confusion. “Cute,” Baekhyun says, smiling a bit as he brandishes the paper. “One of the hay mazes. It could be fun.”

“Do you remember the last time you did a hay maze?” Yixing asks, stepping down from his stool to leave the wiring to Sehun.

“No,” Baekhyun lies, painting an expression of innocence over his face.

“You set it on fire,” Yixing reminds it with a small laugh.

“Okay, so maybe I did,” Baekhyun concedes. “But to be fair, it was mostly Jongin’s fault for deciding to smoke and prove how badass we were in a highly flammable structure.”

“I still can’t believe you two made it out of there,” Yixing laughs, sitting down at the small table with Baekhyun.

“I’m extremely lucky,” Baekhyun suggests and Yixing laughs again, taking his hand in his own and patting it.

“Actually, I think Jongin is,” he says sympathetically. Siwon walks by and sneaks a small plate of biscotti to them with a very exaggerated wink. Baekhyun winks back just as exaggeratedly. Siwon beams at him, turning a moment later as Heechul yells for him at the bar.

“Jongin,” Baekhyun repeats. “The kid who set the chemistry lab on fire because he fell asleep during class with the gas to his Bunson burner on.”

“But he only got a detention out of it,” Yixing reminds, and pops a piece of biscotti into his mouth. Baekhyun slips his hand further into Yixing’s wrapping their fingers together. “I’d say that’s damn lucky, considering he could have died.”

“That would have been awful,” Sehun says, walking past and hauling a huge speaker in his wiry arms. “Thank God that didn’t happen.”

“See?” Yixing says, giving Baekhun a pointed look as he picks up another biscotti piece. “Jongin is the lucky one, not you.”

“So,” Baekhyun says, getting back to the topic. “Hay maze? I promise I won’t try to set it on fire or unintentionally set it on fire this time. I may sneak up behind you and try to scare you though.”

“You’re terrible,” Yixing chuckles as Baekhyun smiles at him. He picks up another piece of biscotti, the little sample pieces just enough for a bite, and holds it out for Baekhyun.

Baekhyun is just leaning over the table to take the little treat between his teeth when his phone vibrates on the table. Glancing down, Yixing’s fingers brushing his lips, Baekhyun sees the familiar name ‘Soojung ♡*~’ flashing as it buzzes. A chill spreads through him as he pulls back slowly and looks back at Yixing.

Yixing is smiling at him, unaware of his phone. Baekhyun, relieved, pulls it from the table and hangs up the call.

It’s been almost two months since he last talked to Soojung. Mostly just a ‘hey, I’m going away for a while so wait for me or something?’ to which he was given a long look and then laughter. Baekhyun hadn’t needed more, and while home he hadn’t really seen a need to contact her.

Even if it would have been more normal if he did, like Junmyeon kept telling him to.

Still, he has two more weeks, two more thankful weeks before he has to really think about her again. Before all of that starts up again. For now, he pushes it to the back of his mind, looking at Yixing across from him and feeling the warmth of their intertwined hands.

“So we can go?” Baekhyun asks, tapping his toes over the tips of Yixing’s shoes under the table. He smiles, even as he feels his phone vibrate in his lap under the table again. He ignores it. “It could be really fun. We could get all lost and not know where we are and it would test or survival skills.”

Yixing is laughing, leaning over the table to him, when the door to the café opens. “I don’t think-“

“Baekhyun!”

Baekhyun knows that voice. Stiffening, he watches as Yixing’s eyes slip to over his shoulder and his smile falters. Then a look of shock and confusion passes over it to morph into hurt. Baekhyun’s blood goes cold.

“Baekhyun Byun, pick up your damn phone, would you?” laughs a familiar pretty voice. Baekhyun turns to see the young woman walking across the café.

Long hair swinging about her, she pulls her oversized sunglasses from her stunning face. She’s wearing heels, washed jeans and a slouchy white tee under a stylish leather jacket. Soojung doesn’t appear to notice, smiling brilliantly as she makes her way directly for him.

“What are you doing here?” he asks hoarsely and feeling his world come crashing down around him.

“I’m looking for you, you idiot,” Soojung laughs, stepping up to him. She doesn’t hesitate to lean down and wrap her arms around him in a hug, Baekhyun stiff and with his heart slamming in his chest. He can’t breathe. Soojung can’t be here. She can’t be here when he’s with Yixing and hasn’t figured this out yet. She-

Baekhyun’s mind cuts short as Soojung pulls back and leans in and kisses him, her lips soft and small. She smells like flowers and Baekhyun wants so badly to shove her back.

But he can’t move, frozen in shock, his stomach so tight it feels like a rock.

As she pulls back, she’s smiling, looking down at him and tucking her hair behind her ear. “Miss me?” she asks.

♭

Soojung is staying in the inn in the center of downtown. She’s in town for about a week on a ‘personal visit’ to see her ‘boyfriend’. At least that's what the headlines read when Baekhyun sees them and the photos of himself and of Soojung walking around when he gets back to his unit.

To say Baekhyun is angry is a dramatic understatement. Barely a second after Soojung had come in and kissed him, Yixing had jerked so hard from the table that it sent their drinks all over the table. Baekhyun had tried to run after him, but between Soojung watching him and Yixing nearly punching him in the face as he’d tried to reach for him, that’d hadn’t gone very well.

Now, back at his unit, Yixing refuses to answer his calls. Grandmother Zhang had turned him away when he’d tried to stop by, a set look on her face and Yixing’s window had been locked. He wasn't in his room.

The worst is that Baekhyun couldn’t explain this to Soojung. Soojung, his ‘girlfriend’ who he doesn’t really date back at the company, mostly set up as Junmyeon introduced them as ‘a good match’ over a year ago. They barely see each other, but it’s something the media likes a lot.

Ex-pop singer turned music mentor Baekhyun dating the gorgeous young singer-actress Soojung Jung as the perfect young couple. They do look the part. Baekhyun is sick with himself as he sits with her at the café table he’d shared with Yixing, Soojung chattering about all her work and activities and playing with his fingers.

The whole time, Baekhyun sits in silence and is torn between yelling and breaking down into sobs, his throat so tight it burns to breathe. It may have worked, getting back to the company and quietly explaining to Soojung that they were going to have to stop. Let her down and let it fade.

It never felt like cheating, because by all intents and purposes, he’s in more of a relationship with Chanyeol than he is her.

It messes literally everything up, bringing it all crashing down around him and he can’t breathe again. It’s worse, because this time, most of it is entirely his fault.

The other portion of the blame Baekhyun latches onto as soon as the words are out of Soojung’s mouth. Junmyeon had basically told her to come visit him. ‘To help encourage and convince Lay,’ had apparently been the reasons, making it about a team effort and more convincing opinions.

Baekhyun is livid. He’s in pain, and Baekhyun has never done well with pain of this kind. Junmyeon knows this. He’s seen it, which is partially why Baekhyun doesn’t even bother trying to contain himself.

“Baekhyun, nice to hear from you,” the calm voice says through the line. Baekhyun barely resist chucking his phone at the wall in fury.

“You fucking son of a Bitch!” Baekhyun yells into his phone.

“So nice to hear from you too,” Junmyeon says with that infuriating calm. “I take it Soojung arrived and has settled in. Is she staying with you or-“

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Baekhyun seethes. “Why would you send her out here to fuck with everything I’m doing? You can’t just do this to me! What’s the point of having her here, she doesn’t know Yixing and she’s not-“

“She’s not there for Yixing, she’s there for you,” Junmyeon cuts in cooly.

“I don’t want her here!” Baekhyun shouts and his voice cracks. There are tears down his face and he’s shaking. His heart feels like it’s being torn out, throat closing up as he grits his teeth hard enough to break.

He was so happy. So happy for just a bit, and almost thought that he could make it work. He thought he could stay happy with Yixing.

It’s all gone now. Yixing won’t talk to him, the slap of his voice and the look on his face when Baekhyun had gone after him enough to show him that.

“Baekhyun, she’s not there because it would be what you want,” Junmyeon tells him and Baekhyun stills, his grip nearly breaking his phone.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“It means that I’ve spent the last two goddamn months taking down every photo and report that pops up of you and Lay essentially dating. People have eyes Baekhyun, even in your small bumfuck town and there is nothing more exciting than you getting into a homosexual relationship with a rising star. Nothing more exciting and nothing that would take away Lay’s career faster before it really sets off. It would paint you in the industry immediately.”

The grip on his phone is so tight, he can hear it straining. “What?”

“You,” Junmyeon says firmly. “You’ve not been recruiting, you’ve been dating him. There’s been photos of you showing up online-“ Baekhyun’s heart is beating wildly, “-together to the degree that it’s pretty apparent. And those are the subtle ones, considering there are other ones of you holding hands and very close.”

“What’s so wrong about people holding hands?” Baekhyun tries to defend but it comes out so weak, shaking and scared. “What’s so bad about that?”

“The other pictures where you’re seen kissing and look so infatuated with him that you’d become a liability to this company,” Junmyeon says, his voice raised a bit and Baekhyun’s knees give out. Clutching his phone, he stumbles to land on his bed. “Do you have any fucking clue what kind of cover up I’ve been doing for you, Baekhyun?”

“You knew,” Baekhyun whispers, feeling empty and cold. He thinks of all the conversations when Junmyeon would question him, testing him and disapproving. “You knew I’m in love with him.”

“Actually, I didn’t know that,” Junmyeon tells him, and sounds terse. Then he sighs. “But now I do, because you just told me. I thought you were just infatuated before, that maybe you thought dating him gave you an upper hand. I’m kind of glad you’re not that cruel, but still.” He sighs again. Baekhyun bites his lip hard enough to taste the blood on his tongue, tears silently rolling down his face. “Why do you have to be such an idiot?”

“Being gay doesn’t make me an idiot,” Baekhyun bites back, his anger fading but still there. He hates this, and he still wants to slog Junmyeon in the jaw, but the heartbreak is stronger.

“No, but not talking to me about this shit and running around in plain view basically publically fucking your boyfriend is really fucking stupid,” Junmyeon throws back and Baekhyun cringes. It had been so remote, so removed from the rest of the world, but Baekhyun should have known when the clip of him and Yixing playing had leaked. He had been dumb and careless.

“Yixing won’t even talk to me now,” Baekhyun tells Junmyeon, his throat too tight and clogging his voice. He sniffs, his vision blurred as he keeps on crying. He’s still wearing one of Yixing’s sweaters, and his fingers curl in the cuff. “Junmyeon, I can’t even get near him and there’s no way I can-“ his voice cuts out into a sob.

Then he’s crying, pulling his phone away from him and dropping it into his lap, his other hand coming up to clamp over his mouth to muffle his sobs. His whole body wracks with the force of them, convulsing as he curls into himself. He can barely breathe through the force of his sobs, and even with his hand over his mouth he’s barely able to hold back his voice.

Once, he watched Yixing walk away from him and didn’t understand why. It had hurt so badly he didn’t think anything could be worse.

He was wrong. This is worse, knowing this time exactly why Yixing walked away from him, and seeing the pain on his face had made it ten times worse. Baekhyun doesn’t hurt, he’s in agony.

It takes him a good few minutes of sobbing before he can pull himself together enough to raise the phone to his ear again. He almost doesn’t expect Junmyeon to still be there when he croaks out a ragged, “sorry.”

“Don’t do that,” Junmyeon tells him, voice softer. It has Baekhyun fisting his hand in the sweater, just over his heart.

“Cry?” Baekhyun tries to mock but it’s dead and hollow.

“Shut me out like that,” Junmyeon corrects him with a bit of firmness in his voice. “You did it before, and I hate it when you do it.”

“Because you can’t figure out what’s wrong?” Baekhyun feels so worn, tired and wrung out, scraped and stretched and dry and raw. He’s shaking, all of him shaking.

“Because it worries me,” Junmyeon says quietly. “I didn’t send Soojung out there to make your life Hell-“

“Well, that’s kind of what happened,” Baekhyun interrupts him bitterly.

“I sent her out there because I thought it was for the best. Neither you nor Lay need a scandal before either of you can even get on your feet. Lay is just as the tip of his career, where others will try to find him and help him promote outside of JYE and want to endorse his music. If he’s tied to you and you’re here, it’s a liability he’ll bail, and doesn’t look good.”

Baekhyun swallows down a raw throat.

“The media love to dig up backstories, and it’s a miracle they haven’t really been able to get into yours and expose your history with your family,” Junmyeon continues and Baekhyun grimaces, recoiling. “I imagine that’s mostly because your parents are still shits and won’t talk to them. Which is really the best thing they can do for you.”

“Don’t try to make them sound nice,” Baekhyun asks, voice coming out in a croak. “They’re not.”

“I’m sorry,” Junmyeon apologizes. “I’m sorry Lay broke up with you because I sent Soojung, but I’m not sorry I sent her.”

“I’m still pissed at you,” Baekhyun bites out, spitting almost. “You don’t know what this feels like.”

“Don’t assume things about other people,” Junmyeon tells him and the edge in his voice has Baekhyun opening his eyes. “I understand that it’ll be hard for you to convince Lay to come to the company now that you’re not a romantic benefit, but-“

“Don’t-“

“-I need to know before we get into that topic if you can be honest with me again.”

Baekhyun pauses, tears still leaking slowly down his face as he stares without seeing. “Explain.”

“I need you to tell me what you really want to do,” Junmyeon says, and his voice is hushed, almost careful. “I’m asking you not as your boss, or manager, but as your friend who cares about you. I want to know what you want to do with this?”

The question goes beyond the levels of just asking if he wants to continue trying to recruit Yixing. It pushes past that to everything else Baekhyun has been grappling with the last few months to a year. Baekhyun clenches and unclenches his fist, trying to find an answer within himself.

It’s hard though, when his chest feels like if he breathes too deep it will collapse, and his throat aches with keeping all his emotions locked there. It’s hard when he’s still shaking and the can still smell Yixing on the sweater and it aches.

Losing Yixing isn’t just losing the person he loves, it’s losing that last part of the dream that had been himself he hadn’t realized he’d begun to hold onto again.

“I-“ his throat clogs and he has to cough, curling up a bit on the bed. “I don’t know,” he says in a whisper.

“Don’t close me out again,” Junmyeon says, and the tone of his voice is the same as when he’d found Baekhyun so many times on the edge of breaking down. “It scares me so much when you do that.”

The sincerity in Junmyeon’s voice is somehow warming, and a crude imitation of a smile tugs at Baekhyun’s lips. “Okay,” he murmurs.

♭

It’s amazing how in just a few months, waking up the walkway to the Zhang’s house has changed the entire scenery. Rather than lush green trees and flowers blooming, the lawn is growing tired and dull, the leaves red and yellow. Baekhyun has changed, and his nerves are far higher as he approaches the door and knocks.

The door opens, and Grandmother Zhang’s smiling and kind face drops into tired disappointment.

Gone is the nice tailored shirt and clothing, Baekhyun in one of his jackets and jeans, and he looks anything but composed. “I need to speak to him.”

“Baekhyun,” Grandmother Zhang says, and she looks at him with sadness in her eyes. “He’s not here, and even if he was, I wouldn’t let you see him.”

“Please,” Baekhyun falters out, and his voice shakes. It’s been two days, and Baekhyun hasn’t slept or been able to eat aside from to make Soojung stop pointing it out. “Please, I just want to talk to him.”

“You’ve hurt him,” she says, and her old voice is still soft. She doesn’t sound angry with him, but nor is she forgiving and letting him in. Baekhyun doesn’t hide how his hands shake, how his breathing is uneven. He can’t and he’s not going to force himself to. “Yixing has one of the biggest hearts of any I’ve ever seen, one of the curses of being my grandson I suppose. Right now, he’s hurting and you caused that.”

“I know,” Baekhyun rushes. Her words are gentle and soft but they wash into him like needles. “I know, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry and I want to tell him and talk to him and explain and-“

“Go home, Baekhyun,” Grandmother Zhang tells him gently but without room for question on her old face.

“He is my home,” cracks out of Baekhyun before he can stop it. It’s only with a great deal of restraint he keeps from crying, though his vision clouds and he knows his tears are ready to fall.

Grandmother Zhang smiles at him sadly. “Love doesn’t mean we own people, and it doesn’t mean they won’t leave us when we don’t want them to,” she tells him. “Part of love is understanding when to be there, and when to leave the one you love for a while so they can grieve.”

“But I can-“

“Baekhyun, please understand,” she says, and steps back. “My grandson loves you very much, and because I love him, I love you, too. But even if he is your home, you aren’t his. At least not in the same way. Goodbye.”

The door closes with a soft sound, leaving Baekhyun without words to speak and with his face burning with the searing tracks of his tears.

He’s been crying for days, and he thought he had nothing left in him. Baekhyun keeps finding things that prove him wrong, and he really hates them.

“You look terrible,” Soojung says when Baekhyun meets her for lunch. He had agreed with Junmyeon that he would spend time with her. She doesn’t know about him and Yixing technically, and she is here to spend time with him. Truthfully, Baekhyun does like Soojung, just not the way that he’s supposed to.

She’s an interesting girl, kind under layers of an attitude and quirky in ways that Baekhyun enjoys and respects. She can keep up with him in conversation and the two of them had become friends easily because of it when they’d first met.

Before they’d been pushed together to date and it turned bitter to Baekhyun.

“Is that anyway to greet someone?” Baekhyun sighs, sitting opposite her at the small restaurant they’re eating at.

“I’m just being honest,” Soojung says, shrugging and sitting back. She looks at him, her eyes narrowed. “Couldn’t sleep? I know you had problems the other night. What’s up this time?”

“Cats,” Baekhyun says. “Outside last night. Horrible racket.” He doesn’t want to get into how he can’t sleep. How it’s too cold and he’s kept awake with his thoughts and running reminder of how he’s alone.

“Cats,” Soojung repeats, her head dipping a bit as she looks entirely skeptical.

“Have you never heard cats at night?” Baekhyun asks her. He is in desperate need of coffee. Or sleep. Or to have Yixing sitting and looking at him like he’s just spoke profanity in another language instead of the pretty young woman before him.

“No, Baekhyun,” Soojung tells him. “I didn't grow up in a place that had a specifically large population of especially vocal cats.”

“You missed out,” Baekhyun mumbles, opening his menu. He should be nicer, but he doesn’t have the energy. He also kind of mostly entirely doesn’t care.

“Clearly,” Soojung says, looking him over. “All those lost opportunities to look like I just suffered a bad breakup and am finding my only solace at the bottom of a whiskey bottle. Such a tragic loss in my life.”

Baekhyun bites down on his tongue as her words grind against him. He knows he doesn’t look great, especially not up to the standard that he used to have back in the city, at JYE where half the reputation was appearance as well as performance. But the way she phrased it cuts a bit too deep at a wound that is still very raw.

Closing his menu, he leans over the table. “What do you want to do today?” he asks her.

“What? We’re not going to sit here all day not ordering our food?” Soojung asks, and then smiles a bit, picking up her spoon and tapping it on the table.

“Well, I’ll at least keep that as a strong second option,” Baekhyun says, and tries to smile. He’s pretty sure it’s not very convincing, but he’s trying.

“Show me the town,” Soojung says, tapping her spoon definitively and sitting up, shaking her hair back. “I want to see everything.” She smiles and really, she is very pretty. Many men would do anything to date her and be in his position. Baekhyun sighs quietly.

Walking through a town that isn’t built for tourists is a bit strange, showing Soojung, who has clearly never been to a small town like this before, the shops and establishments. She asks a lot of questions, poking her nose into the shops and getting intrigued by simple things that Baekhyun never found that special. Growing up with it remove the novelty of most things, like the old watermill Soojung is intrigued by.

Stepping into the music shop, Baekhyun’s attention is drawn tight. Mr. Kim watches him sharply as they wander in. Soojung wanders a bit, drifting into the shop and Baekhyun turns to Mr. Kim.

“He’s not here,” Mr. Kim says flatly before Baekhyun can open his mouth. “Don’t ask.”

“Is he off on a job or-“

“I gave him the week off,” Mr. Kim says. “Don’t ask Baekhyun. You’re city folk now. You forget that here, family isn’t just blood.”

It leaves Baekhyun shaken, leaving the shop with Soojung as Mr. Kim stares after him coldly. Hoping with his heart in his throat, Baekhyun stops into Amber’s store next, hoping they at least may not throw him out there.

“Baekhyun!” Sehun practically screeches from the counter before he door is even closed.

“Wow,” Soojung says, eyebrows raised as Sehun smiles at him. Jongin looks like he’s just been startled awake extremely unexpectedly, blinking dazedly. “Your friends?”

“This is Sehun and Jongin,” Baekhyun introduces, walking into the shop towards the two young men. It would be better if he had pulled her in by the hand, or a hand at her back, but he doesn’t want to touch her really. He’s too raw and she’s a reminder of his mistakes. She doesn’t deserve this, even if she’s oblivious. “Guys, this is Soojung.”

“Nice to meet you,” Soojung says, giving a little cute curtsey and Baekhyun almost snorts out laughing. Soojung must notice, throwing him a look over her shoulder and then striding to Jongin and Sehun. “It’s so nice to meet Baekhyun’s homebody friends.”

“H-homebody?” Sehun stumbles out, looking up to glare at Baekhyun. “You asshole.”

Baekhyun opens his mouth to reply but Soojung laughs, light and filling the shop. “Kidding,” she says and leans against the counter. “So what do you guys do?”

Baekhyun lets her talk, chatting with Jongin and Sehun and asking them about themselves. Baekhyun stays quiet. Sehun notices first, stepping closer to him as Soojung gets into a conversation with Jongin. “You okay?” Sehun asks. “I heard you and Yixing got into some sort of fight?”

Wetting his lips, Baekhyun says, “something like that,” and watches as Soojung pokes at an old computer in wonder. “It’s… It’s complicated.”

“That’s what Lu Han said when I asked him what was up with Yixing,” Sehun says. He’s watching Baekhyun in concern, and Baekhyun reaches to rest a hand on his shoulder, silently thankful for the thought. “I hope you guys can sort it out. He missed you while you were gone, and-“ Sehun takes in a deep breath and then lets it out again. “I’m glad you two were friends again. For both of you.”

It twists the knife deeper as much as it warms Baekhyun’s heart at Sehun’s care for himself and Yixing. Sehun always did care about people around him more than others might. It’s a rare quality, found more in towns like this than back in the city. “Thank you,” he says sincerely.

“Come on, boyfriend!” Soojung calls, leaning against the counter and looking at him. The term catches Baekhyun off guard, flinching back instinctively. Sehun’s head snaps to him, his eyes widening and brows furrowing.

“Boy…” he begins but Baekhyun jerks his head, shaking ‘no’ and throwing him a quick look.

“What?” Baekhyun asks, walking up. Jongin looks more awake than ever, staring at him with wide eyes. It’s almost disconcerting to see him looking so thrown off guard.

“You're her boyfriend?” Jongin asks, staring at him and only him.

“Well, most of the time I call him ‘asshole,’ but he didn’t sleep well last night so I’m trying to be nice,” Soojung says, flashing a smile at Baekhyun.

“He’s your boyfriend?” Jongin asks, turning his attention to Soojung now. “But he-“

“That’s nice of you,” Amber steps into the room, speaking loudly. Jongin jumps, shoulders flinching up and mouth snapping closed. Amber is smiling, beaming at the room until her eyes land on Baekhyun, and harden. “Though I can assure you that you can call Baekhyun ‘asshole’ all you want. It’s a pretty well deserved title most of the time.”

Baekhyun winces, but knows he deserves it.

“I don’t always intend to be an asshole,” Baekhyun says, looking at her and hoping she hears the meaning in his voice. “Sometimes things just go wrong in ways I didn’t ever want them to.”

“I see,” says Soojung, looking a little lost as she looks back at him. “Well, I think we all have times like that. The important part is to remember what’s important.”

“Right,” Baekhyun says, and his eyes shift back to Amber. I know I fucked up, I know he’s hurting, and I’m sorry. “Like the people in our lives.”

“And ice cream,” Soojung adds, and smiles again, pushing herself off the counter. “Come on, there’s got to be an ice cream place here, right?” She turns back just as she reaches Baekhyun, looping her arm into his and tugging him close. “It was really nice meeting you,” she says, looking back at the group in the shop. “I hope to see you again soon.”

“Likewise,” Amber answers as Jongin and Sehun look a bit lost at what to do. “Enjoy your time while you visit us, Soojung.”

“I liked her,” Soojung says as they walk down the street, headed to Heechul’s café.

“Amber is nice,” Baekhyun says, glancing to where Soojung has her arm loosely looped with his. It makes his throat tighten further. Siwon stares when they walk in, his eyes on Baekhyun and, thankfully, he looks less annoyed and instead just distressed. “You guys have ice cream, right?” Baekhyun asks, walking up to the counter.

“Are you sure you want ice cream?” Heechul asks, his hair pulled back in a half pony tail. “I heard it doesn’t go that well if your heart is already ice cold.” Baekhyun flinches, wincing back and biting down the reply as his stomach clenches hard. He hates having this as an attack from all sides. One day, the town was warm and kind, accepting him like he was once more a part of them.

Today, they’re practically hostile.

“Cold hearts can still break,” Baekhyun says as Soojung scans the drinks menu.

“Of course we have ice cream,” Siwon cuts in, wiggling into Heechul’s side and smiling at Baekhyun. At least Siwon is personable. Heechul is smiling like he has a rotten oyster under his tongue.

“Chocolate please,” Soojung requests, stepping up beside Baekhun. “Only one spoon though.” She flashes a smile to them both before turning to Baekhyun. “What do you want?”

Baekhyun orders a coffee, hoping maybe it will give him energy away from his exhaustion. Siwon finally manages to get a biscotti snuck onto his saucer and Baekhyun smiles at him in appreciation when he gets it.

It’s easy to excuse himself early, dropping Soojung off at her Inn and going back to his unit. He looks like he’s been up for days, tired and worn enough to barely speak. He’s exhausted, and it shows. It helps greatly when he wants nothing to do but get away from Soojung and collapse.

Being around her is like constant sandpaper against his heart, digging deep and making him burn. He can’t do this. He can’t go back to pretending to be her boyfriend, that things are fine. It’s not just here, but at the company.

When he was only here by himself, happy with the prospect of Yixing possibly coming back with him to JYE, he had thought that might make things easier. He’d have a ‘girlfriend’ and it’d be an easy thing to say when people began asking too many questions about his and Yixing’s relationship.

Now, Baekhyun realizes not only how selfish that is and cruel to both Soojung and Yixing, but how he, himself, cannot do it. It’s barely been three days and he’s falling apart. He can’t be with Soojung and lie to her, to himself, to others and pretend he’s interested in her. It’s not fair to her, or to himself.

For years, he was pushed into things that made him hide who he was, what he is. Thinking back on it, he realizes that this is what Yixing had alluded to at times, how much Baekhyun had to constantly cover up about himself. With Yixing, he didn’t do that at all.

Baekhyun may go back to JYE, but he’s going to go back and try to do things right this time. He’s lost Yixing, and he wants to fix it so badly, this misery that he’s stuck in draining him.

He’s had to give up on so much in his life, he doesn’t want to do it anymore. He’s miserable, with his life and himself. That’s not going to change unless he fixes it.

The first step in that will be what he’s doing now, which is actually deciding to do something instead of leaving it to later.

Tomorrow, he’ll talk to Soojung. He’ll break up with her, and explain himself and tell her why.

Then he’s going to stop trying to think of ‘maybe’s and find a way to apologize to Yixing. Apologize and try to fix the mess he caused.

Taking in a deep shaking breath, he runs his hand through his hair, and picks up his phone.

♭

As long as you’re sure, then I’m not going to stop you. Just remember that this kind of decision isn’t one you can take back after you’ve done it.

Good luck, Baekhyun :)

-Jummyeon

♭

The tabletop is scattered with little bits of shredded napkin. He’s wearing one of the nice shirts he’d packed, almost exactly the same as what he arrived in, dressed properly for once. Under the table, his knee keeps bouncing, and he breathes out periodically to keep calm.

Beside the pile of napkin massacre is a half drunk coffee. Baekhyun had almost asked Heechul for a direct injection of caffeine, but was a little worried Heechul might actually give him one. Baekhyun likes him, but Heechul is just a little bit terrifying in his own way.

The coffee helps a bit to wake him up, the sugar he put in it also helping. He’d spent the morning running a few errands before calling Soojung and asking her to meet him at the café. He’ll pay for her breakfast, but he doubts he’ll be staying for the meal.

When Soojung arrives, Baekhyun has decimated about three napkins, and been given worried looks by Siwon continuously. Most of his attempts at smiling seem to fail pretty terribly, so he ends up just focusing on his hands. As Soojung walks in, he stands, walking to guide her to the counter to order.

Seated back at the table, a tall hot latte in front of her, Baekhyun takes a deep breath.

“You have something to talk to me about,” Soojung says, one eyebrow cocked and Baekhyun chokes.

“What?”

“You shredded a small napkin family and have obviously been waiting here and I know you and you’re about as much of a morning person as Chanyeol is demure.” Soojung slowly lowers her coffee, a small smile on her lips. “So what’s the deal? And don't make me smack it out of you, because this is a new manicure and I don’t want to mess it up by hitting you.”

“We have to break up,” Baekhyun tells her, the words slipping out of his mouth easier than he thought they would. His stomach still is in a knot and his hands are clenched under the table, but it’s not as bad as he thought. He breathes out as Soojung stills, her eyes focusing on him more intensely. “I’m sorry, but-“

“We have to break up or you want to break up with me?” Soojung asks. She’s watching him carefully, not looking in the least bit upset, just a little curious and a little concerned.

“There’s a difference?” Baekhyun asks, frowning a little at her reaction. This isn’t what he expected, though Soojung always was thankfully level headed. More than some of the other female artists at JYE.

“Of course there is,” Soojung laughs, sitting back and crossing her arms over her chest. She’s wearing the stylish leather jacket again over a floral dress, her hair down on one side. “One version is where you’re doing this because you’re told to, and the other is because of your own feelings.”

Baekhyun blinks. “I’m breaking up with you because I’m just, I don’t-“

“Words, Baekhyun,” Soojung coaxes. “You need to use your words on this one. I can’t read your mind and, trust me, I never really want to. You’re going to have to blunder your way through this verbally.”

“You-“ Baekhyun stops, shaking his head. “I don’t want to date you.”

“Okay,” Soojung says, and picks up her coffee, sucking the milk foam off the top. “Is that it? I mean, I hope we can stay friends and not, you know, have to stage a huge break up where we have this big falling out thing and the media has a field day.” She scoffs, putting down her coffee again. “It’s going to have a field day anyway. We were the perfect couple.”

“Aside from the fact we were barely dating,” Baekhyun says, frowning at her. This isn’t what he expected. “I’m sorry-“

“Are you apologizing to me for not forcing us to date in this farce of a relationship?” Soojungs asks. She shakes her head, leaning back and her hair falls so prettily. She really is stunning. “Baekhyun, we were set up.”

“I know, but-“ Baekhyun frowns, swallowing down a throat that is finally relaxing a bit from the tension stored there earlier. Then it clicks. “You don’t want to date me either.”

Soojung gives him a long sigh and a fond smile. “You’re a fun guy,” she says. “Really, and whoever gets you is lucky. But the only real thing about our relationship was that we were alive and breathing and knew how to hold hands when cameras were on us.” She lets out a soft laugh. “You’re a great guy, but you’re not my type. And I’m not yours either.”

The slow spread of relief begins in the center of Baekhyun’s chest, reaching along his limbs and allowing him to breathe a little easier. “No,” he says, a sigh in his voice. “You’re really not.”

“Fine by me,” Soojung says with a coy grin. She pauses as Siwon drops by her breakfast plate, a few eggs and freshly baked pastries. “Honestly, it was getting old having to try to talk to people about you when both of us clearly weren’t even into each other. Like that one time we had sex?” She scoffs, tearing off a piece of pastry between her pretty fingers. “I’m so glad we never did that again.”

Baekhyun stares at her, completely waving off this break up like it’s just him telling her he’s forgotten to bring an umbrella during a rainy day. If anything, she’s acting even less concerned, as he’s seen her huddle moodily under awnings from rain, pouting at it balefully.

Slowly, unbidden, a smile spreads over his lips. “Thanks,” he says, and finally relaxes into his seat.

“Honestly, I was aware from the beginning us dating wasn’t really ‘real’,” Soojung says, looking at him with both eyebrows raised. “I thought you knew too.”

“Junmyeon made it seem like it was more…”

“Oh, well that’s Junmyeon,” Soojung says, waving her fork as if pushing Junmyeon away with it. “He’s intense. Song Qian never put me under any assumptions.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun says, watching her eat. It’s a little surreal, but also nice. This is the side of Soojung he liked, where she was fun and easy to talk to. Though he doesn’t have the words, it’s far more comfortable. Like a barrier has been lifted between them.

“So, who is it?” Soojung asks, looking up and cradling her coffee in her hands. Baekhyun blinks. “The person you do care about. I know a good gig when I have it, and you wouldn't break up with me unless you were invested in someone else. So, who is it? Do I know them?” She scrunches up her nose. “Please tell me it isn’t Hwasa.”

Baekhyun, who had been taking a sip of his coffee, promptly chokes, sputtering into coughing. Soojung makes absolutely no move to help him, just watching in vague interest as he gets control over himself. “No, dear God, no,” he says, voice rough.

“And you can’t have Song Qian because she’s mine,” Soojung says. She leans over the table, scooting forward. “So who is it?”

Baekhyun takes a moment to consider lying, and then decides screw it. He’s tired of hiding, and already told himself the night before he was going to stop. He is who he is and that’s not going to change. “Do you remember when you first came in here and saw me?” he asks, his heart beginning to speed up in his chest at the memory of Yixing’s face. “The guy who was with me?”

Instead of looking shocked, Soojung lets out a little laugh clapping her hands and leaning to rest her elbows on the table. She’s grinning wide, giving him a sort of smug look. “I knew it,” she says, smile triumphant. “I knew as soon as you ran after him. The look on your face when you saw me and-“ She stops, and her face softens a bit. “He didn’t know you and I were ‘dating’ did he?”

“No,” Baekhyun says quietly, feeling his stomach clench again. Running his fingers along the rim of his coffee mug, he swallows, trying to wet a dry throat. “He didn’t, and I didn’t- we weren’t really dating and-“

“And you thought I cared.” Soojung reaches over the table, taking one of his hands in her own and squeezing lightly. “I’m sorry. And I know this might hurt more than make you feel better, but for what it’s worth the look on his face when I saw him run means he loves you back.”

“I know he does,” Baekhyun says quietly. “The problem is we have a, well, we have history. It’s complicated.”

Soojung hums, her hand still around Baekhyun’s. “Was that Lay?”

Baekhyun’s throat and heart throb at the name and he lets his eyes fall. “His name is actually Yixing,” he tells her. “We started together, and we were lovers then. Things got bad, and so when Junmyeon-“ He takes in a deep shuddering breath. “I love him,” he admits, looking up at Soojung.

“Yeah,” she says, smiling. There isn’t pity on her face, just listening acceptance. “I can see that. You’ve kind of looked like a heartbroken train wreck since I walked in here that day.”

“I came back to recruit him,” Baekhyun explains. “To get him to sign and I’d be his mentor.”

“I bet he turned you down,” Soojung says with a soft hum.

“It would be easier if he just let me do it though,” Baekhyun says. “I know it sounds crude, but if I was his mentor then we could, well, it could work.”

“Of course it could work,” Soojung says with a laugh. “It’s worked for me.” Baekhyun blinks, staring at her, startled. She shrugs. “You’re not the only gay person who works at our company and has to hide it. I’m just lucky that the woman I’m dating is also my manager.”

The realization hits Baekhyun and lets out a laugh, sitting back a bit and staring at Soojung’s smug face. “So you and Song Qian? How long?”

“Since before you and I were set up, I think,” Soojung says, looking off and squinting a bit. “She was my manager for only a bit before we got together. It’s a little easier for us, seeing as how there’s that whole lesbianism fixation men have with women making out and fucking. They just kind of ignore how lesbians don’t really give a shit what men want when they’re eating each other out. Girls being intimate is seen as us just having fun, and it makes it a little easier to fly under the radar.” She laughs as Baekhyun can’t help the slightly amazed grin on his face. “I told you that you weren’t my type.”

“So it works though,” Baekhyun says, watching her.

Soojung stills, taking him in carefully. “Yeah,” she says and frowns a bit. “But it’s really not easy. It’s a lot of work and a lot of hiding and a lot of us lying to make it work. Like how you and I had our whole thing. And I don’t get the impression from you that if Yixing were up for that, he’d have agreed.”

Taking that in, Baekhyun nods slowly. “There are other things,” he says.

“It’s complicated,” Soojung parrots, actually looking a little sympathetic now. She turns her plate towards him, offering up one of the uneaten pastries. Baekhyun takes it thankfully.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says. “The thing is, I kind of agree with him though. On some things.” He tears a piece of the pastry off, popping it in his mouth. “Being back here, with him, and doing what we did back before everything happened, it’s reminded me about what I used to want to do.”

“Which was, what, be a singer?” Soojung asks and her eyes widen a little as Baekhyun nods slowly.

“I miss it,” he admits. “Not the insanity, but singing and being on stage and music. We started as underground, working here and were going to…”

Trailing off, Baekhyun’s mind begins to work faster, stilling as that admission sets his memory working.

Five years ago Baekhyun and Yixing had been underground start up boys who were scouted by Taeyeon to work as a duo playing their original music on stage. That was what they wanted, to play and sing and do their own thing and share it with people, to perform and live together. They didn’t want a massive top space in the spotlight, they wanted to do what they loved, love each other. With doors closing to them, Baekhyun had his focus narrowed, when really he should have been trying to broaden his spectrum.

“Shit,” Baekhyun says, and looks up at Soojung’s confused and slightly wary expression. “I can do it.”

“Great,” Soojung says, frowning at him as he stands up, popping the last bit of pastry into his mouth. “What are you doing exactly?”

“I know how we can do it,” Baekhyun says. His heart is hammering in his chest. He pulls Soojung up, a lightness in him that is like the release of binds around his chest. “How we can do the music together, how we can do what we wanted to do five years ago, and we can do it together.”

“I really hope you’re talking about you and this Yixing guy, and not us,” Soojung says, following him from the café as he leaves. “Because I’m very happy with my girlfriend. And she can deck you.” Laughing, Baekhyun turns to her and leans close, pressing a swift kiss to her cheek. She lets out a little shriek, shoving him back and making a face at him. “I really hope this isn’t part of being friends with you. No wonder Chanyeol thought you wanted his dick for the first few months you were friends.”

“Get used to me,” Baekhyun tells her, the beats of his heart less shaking and pained and instead stronger. Determined. “I’m not going to try to be anything but me from now on.”

“Oh good,” Soojung says, following him. “At least you’re clearly less dramatic now. What a change.”

When Baekhyun turns to her though, she’s smiling at him, and he can’t help but grin back.

♭

When the image pixelates into focus, Baekhyun sees Chanyeol with his knees tucked up to his chest, spinning in slow lazy circles in his office chair. “Morning,” Chanyeol yawns as he spins by. “You’re up unnaturally early. For you.”

“I have an idea,” Baekhyun tells him. Initially he had thought of just calling Chanyeol as soon as he checked Soojung out of her room. He’d stepped back though, emailing Chanyeol to call him. All around town it’s like there’s been an alert set up for him, and he knows Yixing has been avoiding him.

It’s a small town, and there aren’t many places to hide. Baekhyun will find him at some point, though. He’s not leaving until he talks to him, and he’s going to do whatever he can to have Yixing with him when he drives over the state lines. That means not rushing into things without working them through. It means when he makes his decision, he’s got all his cards lined up.

“You have an idea,” Chanyeol says, spinning around again and then catching himself, reversing direction. “Well, is it a good idea or is it the kind of idea that gets you arrested?”

“It’s a good idea,” Baekhyun says, grinning as he watches Chanyeol lazily drift past. “Stop spinning, you’re making me dizzy.”

“I’ll definitely just keep spinning then,” Chanyeol says, and sticks out his tongue as he drifts by again. “And I’m disappointed. I was hoping it was the kind of idea that might get you arrested. Those are always somehow fun.”

“You say this like you spend your Fridays going out and challenging the law for kicks,” Baekhyun scoffs.

“Who is to say I don’t?” Chanyeol protests, reversing direction again.

“I know for a fact you sit and catch up on all the anime you missed during the week on Fridays,” Baekhyun tells him and Chanyeol finally stops spinning. “And you ask me why you don’t have a relationship.”

“I’m too good for most people,” Chanyeol says but looks a bit accepting of Baekhyun’s valid statements regardless. “Okay, so what’s up?”

“How long until your music business thing is off the ground?” Baekhyun asks him.

Chaneyol blinks, his big eyes widening almost comically before he settles closer, clearly interested. “About a year or so? If I get the funding I can probably start working with some people to get it moving who can handle some of the industry side.”

“Count me in,” Baekhyun says and Chanyeol blinks. Baekhyun is a little startled himself, but this is it. Chanyeol’s eyebrows do a great many things as he leans closer to the computer, and a low burn begins in Baekhyun’s stomach. “You said that the artists have complete control over their music, their work. It’s just a group where they all work together to make music and you’ll give them the space and resources to do it, right?”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol says, leaning in a bit. “Like, you know how a lot of small musicians will sell themselves and go around and self promoting, trying to put stuff up online for purchase? Just selling CD’s and stuff to shops and other venues in hopes they sell? Well, I want to do something where they can get facilities to make quality recordings and it’s not under labels. They can still have their freedom but with more organization and security.” Shifting in his chair, Chanyeol fixes him with a look. “What do you mean you’re in? You’re with JYE, and a mentor and-“

“And I’ll partner with you,” Baekhyun tells him. “I know the business side of this and you know the production. Plus, I’m kind of a big deal.”

“You’re retired,” Chanyeol scoffs at him. “Too old for this shit, if I remember you at one point saying so.”

“What if I get back into it?” Baekhyun suggests. “I get back into it with you, and bring along someone else and we’ll be your leading group?”

“That depends on how good you are,” Chanyeol says. “And how appealing you are.”

“Rude, I’m plenty appealing,” Baekhyun says. He’s smiling now, almost fit to break. The interest from Chanyeol is almost pouring through the computer as he leans closer to it. “I promise, you’ll like the option when I send it to you.”

“Don’t be so cocky,” Chanyeol laughs. “But seriously, Baekhyun. You’re not kidding about this?”

“I’m not,” Baekhyun says. This is Chanyeol’s work, his dream, his goal and it’s amazing. Baekhyun knows what he wants, and he’s remembered finally what he wants.

He finally has an answer to Junmyeon’s question.

“Well, if you’re in, then I’m game,” Chanyeol says. “Just be ready to leave JYE in a year and launch with me.”

“I can work with a year,” Baekhyun says, grinning at Chanyeol. “I’ll send you the demo in a bit of your first artist.”

♭

You’re kidding me.

The message from Chanyeol has Baekhyun smiling as he checks his phone.

If this works out, then it’s no joke. I swear.

He gets back a large assortment of what he’s pretty sure is every smiley face Chanyeol has on his messenger. Opening up his email, he creates a new mail, filling in the recipient with Junmyeon’s name.

Baekhyun writes only one sentence.

I know what I want.

Sitting back, Baekhyun presses send and breathes out slowly. It’s a little scary being back here, with what he wants at his fingertips and know that he’s so close. It’s also exciting, and the feeling begins to thrum in him. There is only one more thing left, which is to talk to Yixing.

To tell Yixing that he’s listening, he trying to understand, and he’s not going to let him go this time.

♭

There is the saying that if you love something, to let it go. If it comes back, then it was forever, but if it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.

There are parts of that phrase that can be taken into all aspects of relationships. The words can be used to explain and understand a parent struggling to let go their child leave home, and when that child returns, the parent is overjoyed. The words can be used to explain when those in love let go of something they cherish, wishing that the object of their affections may come back one day with the love they gave returned.

It’s easy to use them to explain things, to let relationships end and to let things go; to say it was simply never meant to be. It’s easier to let go than it is to fight for something, to hold on when things get hard than it would just be easier to let it fade. Holding on is always harder than letting go.

Letting go is something Baekhyun knows how to do.

Sometimes, it’s hard; like letting go of the hope that his family could ever accept and love him for who he is. It took him years and a lot of pain to do that, to stop holding onto that pain and the futile hope that one day his father and mother wouldn’t look at him like he disgusted them somehow.

There have been times when it was easy. Letting go of his hometown had been easy, running to the city after Taeyeon with Yixing at his side. It was like flying then, and he’d been so happy to let go.

What Baekhyun experienced the most though was not the pain of letting go, but being let go. When he’d worked so hard, sacrificed so much and endured the pain and struggle and given things up and then, when he had that idea of maybe, hanging by a thread, Yixing had let him go.

Baekhyun isn’t stupid, and he knows as he walks up the main street to the Zhang’s farm that Yixing didn’t stop loving him five years ago.

Five years ago, Yixing chose to let him go, to love him enough to be able to do that, to let him go and walk away and give him their dream.

Now, Baekhyun isn’t mad at him, but he does know that while the intent had been loving, to Baekhyun it was nothing but betrayal.

The saying does hold true though, because Baekhyun has let go of so many things, and been let go. Yet they came back, his music, his love for singing, the dreams he let slip through his fingers once more filling up his skies with promise. He came back, he returned, even though Yixing let him go, he came back.

Because he loves him.

Once, Baekhyun had promised Yixing the idea of forever, and had it promised back to him. He had thought that that promise was lost, amid the years and the pain and the distance- the forever too fragile to hold onto.

Life isn’t consistent though, fluxing and changing with ups and downs and plateaus. Forever isn’t only five years. It’s longer than Baekhyun or Yixing will ever live.

He’d thought he broke that promise when he never did. He just lost track of things, confused and young and without any clear idea in his mind. He had been too confused by himself and the world.

If the saying is true though, and after being let go, the sign of that love being forever is when it comes back, then this is just that.

It works in strange ways, as the methods in which Baekhyun came back weren’t what he might have expected, but regardless, he never stopped loving Yixing in his five years. It faded and was hidden and Baekhyun told himself he didn’t, but it didn’t make the love die.

A love like that won’t die. A love like that is forever, and Baekhyun isn’t going to let himself lose his forever again.

♭

It’s almost ten at night when Baekhyun walks up the front path to the Zhang’s farmhouse. He doesn’t check the side of the house where Yixing’s window is, and he doesn’t crawl in through it. He’s pretty sure it’s locked and he doesn't want to hide and sneak around.

He knocks raptly on the door, the dim lights from inside barely illuminating the area as Baekhyun steps back and waits. He’s wearing more comfortable clothing than he wore out to meet Soojung in. The air is chilly, November just a few days away, and Baekhyun pushes down a shiver at the cold.

He has nothing with him, everything he needs in himself.

There is a soft click of the lock being undone, and Baekhyun watches as the main door opens. “Baekhyun,” Grandmother Zhang’s voice says tiredly, her form shadowed in the darkness. “Goodness, I would never have expected to see you actually use the door, especially this late at night.”

“May I please come in?” Baekhyun asks her. It’s been about a week since Soojung came in while he and Yixing were in the café. About a week since it all fell apart and Baekhyun didn’t know what to do.

“He’s-“

“I know he’s here,” Baekhyun tells her, keeping his voice even. “I heard him playing piano when I walked up earlier.” He can see her eyes glimmer in the darkness. “I know he’s upset with me, and I know he’s hurting, but I really need to talk to him.” He takes one step closer to the door, taking in a soft breath. “I want to fix what I’ve done, and make it so this never happens again. I want him to understand that I’m not lying when I say I love him.”

“You’re a good boy, Baekhyun,” Grandmother Zhang sighs, stepping back a bit. “And he’s a bit of a mess, right now. It’s not as bad as last time, but he’s not good with pain when it comes to you.”

“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun says earnestly. “May I please see him?”

“Just remember,” Grandmother Zhang says, pushing open the screen door to let him inside. “If you hurt my grandson again, I’ll throw you in the meat grinder.”

It gets a small smile from Baekhyun as he slips quietly inside. “And the reason I’m not there right now is?”

“Because you’re so cute still,” Grandmother Zhang teases, poking him in the side to urge him into the house. Then she quiets. “He loves you, even if it hurts him right now, he loves you with all his silly heart. And no matter what I do, I know that I can’t make his pain go away.” Baekhyun swallows, his heart swelling with a flutter in his chest as he looks down at the old woman. “You can.”

“I’m going to try,” Baekhyun tells her, a promise in his voice.

“Good,” Grandmother Zhang says, reaching up and cupping his cheek with a soft warm and wrinkled hand. “If you need me, I’ll be asleep.”

The door to Yixing’s room is just barely cracked, light from inside spilling out into the hall as Baekhyun makes his way closer. Peeking inside, he can see Yixing sitting on his bed, notebooks and papers strewn about him with his guitar in his lap. He looks exhausted, large circles under his eyes and a beanie on, still wearing one of his favorite tanks that hang too low on his chest.

Baekhyun softly knocks.

“Come in,” Yixing says, and his voice is weary. He jerks when he looks up, stiffening and his eyes widening as Baekhyun push the door open, before they narrow. “Get out.”

“No,” Baekhyun says, and Yixing frowns at him as he walks into the room. “No, I want to talk to you.”

“I don’t want to hear-“ Yixing stops himself, eyes closing and taking in a shaking breath. “Please, just leave.”

“I’m not leaving,” Baekhyun tells him, staring at him. There is a light dusting of stubble along his jaw, meaning he hasn’t shaved and his skin is paler, exhausted. He hasn’t been sleeping either. “I’m not leaving until I fix this.”

“Fix this,” Yixing repeats, his voice dry. “Fix what, Baekhyun? Fix your job? Fix your future and your world and make sure that you keep what you want and the things that work best for you? Fix it so that you can use me while you date someone you have no interest in to lie about who you are?” Yixing’s face twists into a grimace, and he puts down his guitar, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees, hands pillowing against his forehead. “I don't want that life with you.”

“Good,” Baekhyun says, watching Yixing and wanting to reach out and touch. To reassure with his hands and hold that he’s not here to force that on him. “I don’t want it with you either. I’m glad we agree.”

Yixing’s head has snapped up. He’s staring at Baekhyun with perplexity on his features, and his eyes guarded. “Fine,” he says coldly a moment later, and stands, making to walk from the room.

Jumping to catch him, his heart slamming into his throat, Baekhyun grabs for him, hand wrapping around Yixing’s wrist. “Stop!” Yixing tries to yell but it cracks. Jerking his hand away, Baekhyun holds onto him. Yixing’s eyes are brimming with unshed tears. “Just let go of me.”

“No!” Baekhyun almost yells, holding strong and staring at Yixing, willing him to listen. Yixing’s eyes go wide, bright and hints of anger mix with his distraught eyes. Baekhyun own determination heats in his chest and he tightens his grip.

“I’m not going to let go of you, Yixing. I will never let go of you. I keep being told to let go of the things I care about, that it’ll be better if I do, but all that does is make us hurt. You let go of me once. I didn't stop hurting until I saw you again and remembered what it felt like to be with you. To be loved by you as much as I love you. I’m not going to let go, because I don’t want to lose you like you lost me. Love isn’t always one sided, and neither is pain.”

Yixing’s chest is shaking as he breathes, staring at Baekhyun. “Please let go,” he says, voice shaking. “I can’t do what you’re going to ask me to do. I can’t give myself up like you did. I can’t ignore who or what I am so other people like me more. And I can’t live with you close enough to me that I know you’re right next to me, but I can never have you.” A few tears spill down his cheeks.

If Yixing wasn’t so tired, he wouldn’t be telling Baekhyun this. He’d be pushing him away, telling him no, and he’d be stronger. But Baekhyun knows what limits are, having reached his own many times, and Yixing is so tired, so worn and spent from this.

From him.

“Okay,” Baekhyun tells him, softer, and relaxing his grip a little so it’s less intense. “Then you don’t have to. But please hear me out.”

“I don’t want to work for JYE,” Yixing tells him blatantly, not budging when Baekhyun tries to pull him closer. “I don’t want someone telling me how to make my music and fix it in ways that are for me to be mass produced. I was fine selling my own music and-“

“Then you never have to be one of their stars,” Baekhyun tells him. Yixing pauses, staring at him. “Right now, I work there, as a mentor, and I was sent out here to try to recruit you as a future artist of the company. If you agreed, you’d spend the next six months being groomed for it. They’d perfect the album, the sound, the image, the style, the marketing pitch. They’d create and perfect who you are and why people like you.”

“I don’t want that,” Yixing says immediately, bristling.

“I know,” Baekhyun says, trying to stay as calm as he can, worried Yixing is going to run on him at any moment. “I know that isn’t what you want, but please just listen.” Yixing swallows, and stills. “If you still don’t like it when I’m done, you can tell me no, and that’s it.”

“Okay.” Yixing swallows and his eyes remain on Baekhyun, wary.

“If you agree to come back, I, as your mentor, would be around you always,” Baekhyun explains. “I’d be a little like your manager, except closer. I’d be in charge of your image, your music, your design, and who you are. This means that I’m the one pitching to the members and the directors what you are, what makes you interesting and selling to the market. That’s all up to me, and I want you to do what you want.”

“What if it changes?” Yixing asks, frowning at him.

“It won’t,” Baekhyun says, and Yixing’s mouth tightens. “Because I’m leaving the company after a year to help a close friend build his own company.” He watches as Yixing’s eyes flicker, a bit of a rush in his chest to continue. “It’s a fair operating company that will allow artists and underground musicians organization and resources to get themselves recognized. Artists will be completely in charge of their own work, what it is, how they sell it, and what they do with it, and we act as a springboard.”

“You…” Yixing is staring at him.

“I just filled out the paperwork to make myself the cofounder today,” Baekhyun tells him. “And I put in a bid for the primary act.”

“But-“

“I’m not asking you to go back with me to become a cog in a corporate machine, selling out and changing who you are just so we can hide to be together,” Baekhyun says, and his voice wavers. It all worked easily when he just needed to explain it, getting it all out and through him so Yixing could finally listen to him. Knowing his direction this time helps a lot, where he’s not pushing for things he can’t quite explain.

This is like it’s being pulled from him, his own written song that he understands and just needs to convey so Yixing can hear the harmonies in it.

“I’m asking you to come back with me, so we can spend some time figuring out how to work together,” Baekhyun tells him. “Right now, we’re back together, but we’re not the music we used to be. With one year at JYE, not only do you have the publicity behind you, you have the time and training. We may not be able to be as free there, but it’s small compared to after, when we can do whatever we want.”

Yixing’s breathing is shaking, but he’s not straining to pull his wrist free, looking at Baekhyun like he’s not sure he’s ever seen him before. “And if the start-up falls through?”

“Then we leave anyway and do it on our own,” Baekhyun tells him. “I’m well known and you’ll have the initial rep and a bang out debut EP by the time we’re done with JYE. I’ve more than paid my dues there.” He lets his hand slip from Yixing’s wrist, taking the chance and slipping their hands together.

Yixing doesn’t pull away, just watches him still like he’s almost scared to say yes.

“We can start over,” Baekhyun tells him. “Just please, don’t shut me out and tell me to stop trying, and to stop loving you and loving this. I want to make this work, and I want to do it where it’s not settling but you can do what you dream of doing and I can be there with you.”

“What about your girlfriend?” Yixing asks, and his voice is clipped. “You’ve run from this before, hidden yourself and made decisions without me that affected both of us. You lied to me and ignored me and shut me out. I don’t want to be with you if you’re just going to do tell me this and then take it all back.“

“She wasn’t my girlfriend,” Baekhyun tells him, stepping closer and biting his lip when Yixing flinches away. “We were set up by the company as a marketing and publicity stunt and just didn’t bother cutting it off. It was a professional farce. We slept together once, over a year ago, when we first got together and not since then. She’s dating her mentor and we’re friends.”

“She didn’t act like just a friend when she came in acting like your doting girl and kissing you.“

“I didn’t tell you because to me, it wasn’t a real relationship, and neither was it real to her. It was just publicity,” Baekhyun continues. “I officially ended things on Tuesday and contacted Junmyeon, my superior, to give the media a tip off so they can start running it.”

“So that’s it then?” Yixing asks. He swallows, eyes flickering between Baekhyun’s. “That’s it? You break up with your fake girlfriend, and tell me you have a plan and I’m just supposed to trust you?”

“No,” Baekhyun says. “You aren’t supposed to do anything. It’s your choice, and I won’t force you. I talked with Junmyeon yesterday and told him either I come back with you, or I hand in my resignation tomorrow.”

“You’re really going to drop everything you have just because I say yes or no?” Yixing is almost laughing. “Baekhyun, you talk big and make these plans and dreams and ideas and they- they sound so perfect and- and I want-“ He closes his eyes, throat working as he swallows. “I want to believe you, but I can’t trust that you won't run and not tell me what’s going on like you have before.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun says, and this time when he steps a closer, Yixing doesn’t flinch away. “Do you believe me, though, when I tell you I love you?”

“I want to,” Yixing murmurs quietly. He’s stopped crying, and the tracks of tears stain his cheeks, making the dark circles even worse. “But you’ve lied to me and to yourself so many times.”

“Do you love me then?” Baekhyun asks him, and Yixing stills finally.

“Yes.” Baekhyun lets his heart pound, the feeling in his chest soar and that feeling of weightless happiness spread through him. “Yes, I love you. I still loved you when I stopped working for JYE and I loved you when I tried to talk to you before you came back. You’re ridiculous and funny and I still don’t know if I can trust you but I love you.”

“Can you make me a promise?” Baekhyun asks, swallowing down the pleasant ache in his chest, feeling full and brimming.

“No.”

Baekhyun’s mouth almost twitches. He keeps a grip on Yixing’s hand. “When you love something, you let it go, but you already let me go, and I came back. I let you go, too, I let you walk away and I ignored you when you came back. It’s stupid of us, but in the end, we’re here now.”

Yixing’s fingers twitch to curl slightly around his own.

“I once told you I wanted to live with you forever, that I’d be there forever, and I still want that. I love you and can let you go, but I also can hold on so tight that when something breaks, I’m here to keep it together. When you love something, you fight for it, and you keep it and remind yourself that you love it. Whatever it is you love, Yixing, I hope you love it more than anything, because being let go hurts them more than it could ever hurt you.” The soft splash of tears down Baekhyun’s face make his voice tighter, throatier, but he presses on. “Don’t let me go,” he says, voice cracking to a whisper. “I won’t let you go and I’ll hold onto you until I can’t. So hold onto me too, and never let me go, because forever isn’t easy but I want it with you.”

“This won’t just be your dream,” Yixing tells him, firmly. “This isn’t going to just be us together and in love. It’s work. A lot of work. And we're going to fight and get sick and-“

“Okay,” Baekhyun says, and steps nearer, into Yixing’s space. He allows a small smile as he looks at Yixing and reaches up carefully. Yixing doesn’t pull away when Baekhyun brushes the tears from his cheek. “Life isn’t easy though, and neither is love, but that’s what makes them worth it.”

“I didn’t ask to fall in love with you,” Yixing breathes, his breath hitching.

“But I’m glad you did,” Baekhyun says and rests his hand to Yixing’s cheek, thumb gently brushing away his tears. “I'm so glad you did.” Their hands laced between them, Baekhyun gives Yixing’s hand a small squeeze. “You don’t have to answer me immediately about what you want to do, but just know, whatever you decisions is, I’m not going anywhere this time.”

Yixing gives a small little nod, the dark circles so pronounced this close. Yixing’s lips are chapped from biting them, his eyes red from crying. But he is Yixing, solid before him and Baekhyun has never seen anything he loves more. “Okay,” Yixing says, closing his eyes, the tears clinging to his lashes. “Okay.”

“Do you still want me to leave or-“ Baekhyun begins, a soft tease in his voice and Yixing lets out a watery broken laugh, leaning into Baekhyun’s hand on his cheek.

“No,” Yixing says, and it’s rough with emotion. “No, you can stay.” He wets his lip, his eyes flickering between both of Baekhyun’s. “I want you to stay. I always want you to stay.”

“Then you have me,” Baekhyun tells him gently and leans in just a bit to brush their lips together in a promise.

♭

The noise of the crowd outside is loud. A mass of bodies all swarming together in the area in front of the stage, talking and laughing and singing all together in a buzzing, teeming mass.

Honestly, when Baekhyun thinks about it like that, it sounds pretty gross. Yet he smiles anyway, peeking out at the huge sprawl of people. It stretches so he can’t even see their faces- just blobs of humans.

“Hey, enough peeking, you’re going to give yourself bad luck.”

Turning, Baekhyun looks up at Zitao who is frowning at him, immediately tugging and checking at his clothing. He’s got a headset on, the microphone curving around his cheek to rest at the edge of his curled lips. He’s in all black, sleek and stylish with his hair perfectly set despite the fact that the only people who see him are all backstage.

“Look, the more you tug at my jacket the more I think you just want to take it off me,” Baekhyun says, swatting his hands away.

“Are you offering?” Zitao quips, stepping back to look at him, a hand rising to his hip. “I still think you should have gone with the gold.”

“Black is fine,” Baekhyun tells him. The excitement from the crowd is thrumming through him, building inside of him until he feels like there isn’t room for anything else. “Besides, they’re going to be more focused on my voice than if my jacket is black or gold or plaid.”

“I’m especially glad it isn’t plaid though,” Zitao says, giving Baekhyun a look that is mock horrified for him suggesting such a thing. “We have enough of that old town folkie thing going on with your shoes.”

“Are you saying I have bad taste in shoes?” Chanyeol asks, walking up and holding a clipboard. He looks at Zitao, eyes wide and loking mockingly scandalized. He is also dressed in almost all black. He has a white bowtie on, to match with the white suit jacket he’ll have on later. Once he’s on stage, in front of thousands of expectant audience members, and smiling his brilliant smile to welcome them all to the concert.

“I’m saying you take a concept too seriously,” Zitao tells him. “I thought all of us were in complete control.”

“Look, he couldn’t decide, so I decided for him,” Chanyeol says, aiming to try to swat Zitao’s head with the clipboard. He misses but grins anyway, glancing at Baekhyun and winking. “Nervous?”

“Yes,” Baekhyun says honestly.

“Just keep your throat open,” Zitao says. “Like when you give head, except without a dick in your mouth. Save that for after the show.”

“Thank you for that helpful advice,” Baekhyun tells his friend, who looks positively exuberant at the sardonic praise.

Closing his eyes, Baekhyun can hear the buzzing of the voices outside, waiting for him to stand on stage and the lights to dim. Zitao has wandered off, speaking quickly over his headset in varying pitches of speech and yelling. For a moment, Baekhyun is left alone.

Stepping back to lean against one of the walls, Baekhyun breathes in deep. Closing his eyes, he lets the breath fill him. It fills his mind with images of clearer days, of bright white sunlight against white lace curtains. Of apple orchards and soft white clouds as his head rests in a warm lap, fingers carding through his hair. Of recording studios late at night with take out containers littering the soundboards, music forgotten as he clambers into the recording booth to accept a slow dance with hearts beating together.

Behind closed eyelids, he runs the songs in his head, passing through them with a gentle touch, each one holding a meaning and a story. Wetting his lips and not caring if it smudges the gloss that Sunyoung hand applied earlier, Baekhyun exhales and lets the air flow from him in a constant stream.

Calming and grounding him.

“Stop looking so anxious, you’re making me nervous,” says a voice whispered into his ear, breath tickling over his skin. If it were anyone else, Baekhyun may have flinched away, but the touch at his hip and the warm scent of chamomile has him leaning in.

Opening his eyes, he looks into a familiar face close to his own. The arch of his brows over his eyes is more pronounced, the dusting of powder over his face and the dark lining his eyes making them deeper. His eyes are the same though, the same dancing bright amazing life that Baekhyun fell in love with years ago.

Those eyes and the man they belong to. “If you want to see nervous, go check on Junmyeon,” Baekhyun tells him, leaning in so their noses brush, closing his fingers over the hand at his hip. “I swear, he’s trying to give himself a midlife crisis.”

“I’m pretty sure you were his mid life crisis come early,” Yixing laughs back and Baekhyun smiles. Just being with him, some of the tension eases, and he relaxes. Happy and with a gentle hum through him that pleasantly quells his mind.

Allowing himself one more moment of quiet, he closes his eyes. He leans in just a little, pressing his lips to those before him. It’s a simple kiss, but it makes him warm, bright and smiling when he pulls away.

“For luck,” he says as dark rimmed eyes open to meet his.

The kiss lingers at the back of his mind as Chanyeol pulls them up a moment later, the staff a flurry as they get ready to start. Baekhyun settles himself into his spot on the darkened stage, the lights low. The crowd is hushed, and he glances beside him. Yixing is already standing, poised and handsome and perfect just beside him. His grandfather’s guitar is slung over his shoulder as he looks out into the crowd.

It’s easy to reach to him, slipping their hands together, interlocking their fingers. Yixing turns to him, slow and his smile warm and real on his face.

“Ready?” Baekhyun asks him. The soft hushed whispers of the crowds surrounds them and the stands with waiting microphones just before them.

“Always,” Yixing says, a laugh in his voice and love in his eyes.

The next moment, the stage lights rise up, blinding the stage and Baekhyun raises his arms, holding his and Yixing’s connected hands for the entire world to see and smiles with everything he has.

This is the beginning of their forever.

one | two

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virtual tears are rolling down my face 😭😭😭
it's christmas!!! i...... can't feel the christmas spirit when i'm in so much pain 😩
the description of baekhyun and yixing's pain (especially baekhyun's) broke my heart so many times 😢💔💔💔
i'm so glad that you gave them a happy end and had them work out a solution 🎉
there are too many emoticons in this comment but they're like a tldr
dear author, thank you for the emotional fic 👏 & merry christmas! 🎄

OH MY GOD! this fic was so so wonderful! i am crying for real! and i'm so glad yixing believed in baek...i cant even make a proper comment! jesus!

first of all baekhyun changed so much while he was in town... he arrived one person and left as another ! Also is yixing is also so sweet it makes my heart burst <3<3<3 i love them together and i'm glad that regardless of what they decided, that they ended up doing what they loved !

this was so so special !!! thank you for writing this, seriously!!!!!!!<3

2014: Home (2/2) (for pisaroi)

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